He drinks not just to be a social drinker, but drinks heavy. His personality changes, hes mean and aggressive, and I feel that he will never change. But I want to at least try and hopefully make him open his eyes and realize that he is basically losing his family. Im aware that no one can change until they admit they have a problem and want to change...I just wanted some advice on how to handle an already shaky situation without making it worse than it is. Thanx, Im helping a friend in need.
2006-12-08 14:35:56 · 17 answers · asked by ~~PoEt~~ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The answer is nothing. I'm am sorry to say, this guy sounds like me 15 years ago. Alcoholism is an obsession of the mind, and an allergy of the body. The real reason he drinks is no more apparent to him than it is to you. Before I could stop, I lost my beautiful wife, and home, more jobs than I care to remember. The worst thing I lost was honesty with myself, and it was a long time before I realized what I was actually doing to the people around me. An intervention may work, however the true alcoholic will never stop until he(or she) is finished using. At this point, people trying to help only feed the co-dependancy that already exists, and in time all will suffer. The best advice is for the spouse to leave, especially if children are involved, and move on...
2006-12-08 15:00:57 · answer #1 · answered by Road 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Since you've already acknowledged that you can't change someone, I'd suggest that you research how to perform an intervention, and do it with other friends who are aware of how to perform it as well. (Do not do this alone with someone who can be mean and aggressive!) Only do the intervention when your alcoholic friend is sober or is as close to sober as they can get. The alcoholic friend will not be happy with you, will not thank you, and may not agree to go to a treatment center. But you have stuck your neck out there, and tried to help them in the best possible way. Do not do anything that will put you or anyone else's safety as risk.
If they do agree to go, you have to pick someone to go with them who will not back down and let the alcoholic try to tell the treatment center staff that this is all a big misunderstanding. You have to stay clear about the alcoholic's problem with alcohol and how it is ruining their life. If they have taken any risks with their lives or others, such as car accidents, driven drunk, talked about suicide, been violent, threatened someone with violence, that person needs to make sure the staff is aware of this behavior (if you don't feel safe, talk to the staff separately from the patient).. Also, if the alcoholic is having problems with work, school, or family, which they probably are, make sure you tell the staff about these issues as well, if the alcoholic will not (Again, tell the staff separately from the alcoholic if you don't feel safe.)
I've done an intervention, and all went very well except for the person we allowed to go with the patient to the treatment center. They backed down and agreed with the patient that it had just been a little misunderstanding; they let the alcoholic talk themselves out of the treatment center. It took a few car wrecks and finally losing their driver's license before they went for treatment again.
2006-12-08 15:42:38 · answer #2 · answered by edith clarke 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, he will never change and the sooner you understand this, the sooner you can begin to get your life back on some kind of sane path again. There is no cure for this disease other than for him to take 100% control over it and there you are helpless even if you keep hearing over and over again that he is taking things said to him on board. He may be when sober, but the moment he takes a drink, all of what you have said will mean nothing. Its not that he wants this even........ its that the drug has him in its grips and nothing you or anyone can say, can make any difference. I'm sorry to have to say this to you but I've been there and done that myself. Get as far away from him as you can but always let him know a door is open to him. If the day comes and you need to close that door for your own sanity, then please do so..... Good luck and God bless......
2006-12-08 14:49:23 · answer #3 · answered by ST K 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for this friend of yours, WHY is because I had been in a relationship where alcohol consumed the relationship to the point where I could not compete with the alcohol. The only thing that I can suggest is for your friend is to talk to her husband when he is sober and tell him that the booze it putting a gap in the relationship. And you are very right until a person wants to change or admits they have a problem things are only going to worsen. I have to be honest in this reply because this issue is what wrecks so many lives. My boyfriend just recently passed away because of alcohol that is how bad his drinking was. I do so much feel for those going through this problem with booze today it not only destroys lives but also relationships. My best to you and your friends.
2006-12-08 14:49:33 · answer #4 · answered by ggderner 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family & friends need to check out Alanon...a group for those who have someone with a drinking problem.
It is impossible to MAKE someone admit that they have a problem. AA is a good place to go but a person needs to want help.
Get some video of how he acts when drunk. That can be a real suprise to him. Some people have to hit rock bottom until they admit that they have a problem.
The family can do an intervention and against his will take him to rehab. That is costly.
I know you want to help...do what you can....just make sure that you don't become co-dependent or an ennabler
2006-12-08 14:45:36 · answer #5 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hon i am going through that with a brother and brother in law, there is nothing u can say or do that they will listen to at this point. best thing to do is go to the library and have books and phamlets laying around on alcholism, for u and children get help, aa for spouse or family members. but make sure u get in a place in your mind on how to deal with it. it is a very hard road when u watch someone going down and all the talking just has u angry with each other. once they get past the social drinking they see nothing they do as wrong. the worst part is the will continue to apoligize for the things that they will do over and over again good luck and god bless
2006-12-08 14:55:40 · answer #6 · answered by shelli p 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm sorry to pay attention that. consequently that isn't the babies fault. each families have concern. that's someone-friendly element. on your case, that's a concern between your mom and pa. Please carry in there because of the fact that is not your selection yet your mom's. with any luck she would be in a position to think approximately the youngster's sake and choose separation because of the fact of course your dad has executed greater injury than fixing issues. can not have confidence a dad who consistently inebriated and abusive. attempt conversing including your mom and spot what she is going to do with it. provide her braveness to make selection for the terrific of all. in the experience that your dad loves residing in India, then enable him pass back possibly then he will sober up being interior the rustic he loves. if no replace then he's a hopeless case. Your moms and dads marriage possibly is already long long gone. So why show you how to youngsters go through this consistent conflict interior the domicile. dazzling? If financially okay to stay with out dad, tell your mom which you're ok bearing directly to the separation.
2016-10-18 00:21:29 · answer #7 · answered by swett 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out when & where the local Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are held as well as the Alanon meetings for the family.
Offer to watch the children if any, so that they may attend or to accompany them to the first couple of meetings or to give them a ride. Other than that as a friend you haven't any choices.
2006-12-08 14:52:01 · answer #8 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can tell him you are going videotape him when he is drunk and show him how he acts drunk, but becareful doing that that he doesn't get upset. Your right there is really nothing that you can do until he is ready to get help and if losing his family is what he needs to wake up and fix the situation then that is what you need to let happen.
2006-12-08 14:43:07 · answer #9 · answered by cheoli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A very close friend once told me- Don't think they'll change for you, because they wont.
This same thing happened with my father, My parents are now in the process of divorcing.
Sometimes, you just gotta...let go...
2006-12-08 14:53:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋