Becoming more assertive?

Question

Well, the problem is that I'm too much of a damn push-over!!! I'll give you some examples of my " door-mat" manner:
1. A friend and I walked up to the convenience store over our lunch break at school. You have to wait in line to get in the store because the owners don't like too many people in at once ( they could steal). So, me and my friend got in line and these 2 guys just walked right in front of us----AND THEN HAD THE NERVE TO LOOK AT US AND SMIRK!!!
2. I was standing in the cafeteria line at school and there were these guys standing behind me and all of a sudden, one of them just walked right in front of me, with a stupid grin on his face.
3. We were painting in art class and I left some of the supplies out ( I was planning on cleaning it up before the end of class) and this girl was like, " Excuse me, you should pick that up, you're not aloud to leave it there," ( she said that in a very prissy, high n' mighty tone), I ignored her, then she told the teacher who made me pick it up. That girl had nor eason to have anything against me, and I STILL didn't do anything.
Anyways, those events and COUNTLESS others have mouldes me into what I am today, a full-flegded push-over!!! How can I stop being this way, I'm tired of being walked all over! I'm placid by nature, but ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Answer 1

I'd have to disagree with the previous answer of being less assertive is good. I was often waled over in work, peole ordering me to do the crapiest of jobs, i was the lowest in the pecking order for many things.

I woke up one day and started to do something about it, Now have been promoted, I am no longer asked to do things I didn't want to do. Why? Because I started to atand up for myself and say no.

Next time somebody pushes in front of you, don't say nothing, but don't ignore it either. Simply do what they are doing and walk in front of them. It is a dog eat dog world. To describe it like wild animals, don't be the lowest in the group, as you will always stay there, unless you fight for your dominence. It will also earn you respect and improve your confidence, for the future.

Also, sort this out now, while you are young, because once you start working, full time, people will try to walk over you, once they do, you may as well say goodbye to future career plans.

Answer 2

I understand. I am like that. BUT being a pushover can be a good thing to some extent. A person who knows when to keep his mouth shut does not a) make waves at work, b) cause accidents, c) get in fights with people.

You can be assertive without exploding. You are already showing some assertiveness, but you could show some more and still keep your cool demeanor. It is actually a plus that you are keeping a level head. Don't forget that. That will serve you well in life.

For example, when the teacher told you the things up, you could pick them up and then go to the principal and discuss the situation. That way, you are being smart and avoiding a confrontation but you still are not letting her get away with it in the long run. You could also talk to the principal without saying nasty things about the teacher. You could mention that you felt it was not right what happened. You could even have this discussion with the teacher herself.

When the girl was telling you to pick things up, you did the right thing by staying silent. You did not do what she said. You had guts, but you were smart enough not to fight with her.

Answer 3

im the same. im generally a nice person and things dont get me mad very much becuase i usually see them as unimportant so i dont let it get to me for longer than a few seconds. say if someone cut me in the lunch lines sure i would be kinda mad but i wouldnt go crazy.im still going to get food so its not that big of a deal.


just stand up for yourself when someone does something like that to you. but dont go crazy. for instance, if someone cuts you in line say "excuse me i was here first" or if your saying it to the stupid kids at your school i would say in a more assertive tone "hey or excuse me buddy! i dont think so!" and gentlely move him or her over behind you.

good luck and i hoped this helped a little

Answer 4

I don't think you were truly violated in those situations. If people are pricks, it is THEIR problem. You don't want to make it yours by thinking that you are the one that was lowered. You are just playing in their hands. You don't want to become one of those that are constantly on guard. Those people often become the abusers themselves.