A question for those who are still hurting or those who are not?

Question

The strangest thing happened to me today and I just wanted to relate to anyone else that has been through something similar.
Story is...
I went smooth off on my husband in Jan.05. I decided to leave permanently. I divorced my husband shortly after. I basically kept all of my feelings inside from then on. I did not become bitter but was sad for awhile. Still, I held myself together until Nov.05 when I was in a car and a song came over the radio. It gave me chills. It was exactly how I felt about the situation and even spoke of some things I had actually said to him in the end...I wept hysterically. I bought that CD, the song was "I wish I wasn't" by Heather Headley. I played it for about a month then realized it was not helping me and threw it out. I managed, and have been okay ever since. Until today that is. I was sitting in an office and that song came over the speaker. I could not control myself, I left crying. I thought I was over it.

continued below.

I was a good wife and I don't want him back. I know that it must be the pain and anger that flows when I hear it, but to be honest I don't feel mad or even sad until I hear that song...what do you make of this?

I could sing that song forever because it carries much emotion out with it. I think I will feel that way always. Anyone else have a similar story they might want to share?

mandy

Believe me when I say, I AM OVER HIM.
It has been over a year and 1/2. When I filed for the divorce I was done, it was over.

Jay R, I am against divorce. I believe in marriage, my reason was justified. No guilt on this end whatsoever.

I thank all of you for answering. I am usually a VERY happy, lighthearted person. I often joke about people who write too much on their questions...LOL.. It is rare for me, but this time I needed to.
Thanks so much for your advice.

We have both moved on.

Chris...I love you!!!
Thanks.

Answer 1

My thought is that yes, you are over him, but not over the grieving process of losing a marriage that you had given your all into.

When you hold in your feelings and never really deal with a situation emotionally, at some point, the emotions do come out. The song is just your conduit for dealing with it. The song spoke the words that you were never able to say yourself. So each time you heard the words, it came bubbling up again. Your heart isn't done healing yet from the hurt of the whole situation. When you are done grieving, you will not cry anymore. You will smile when you hear the song.

Then you will know that the marriage and everything about it is done. You will know that you did all you could and still nothing could be done to save it.

So until then, don't feel bad to grieving. Cleanse your emotions and then when you are done! Get your PARTY ON!!!

Answer 2

Hello-
Divorce is tough, there are no two ways about it. You marry happy... thinking you will be with this person for the rest of your life, in bliss and joy. Then reality hits. He smells funny, you have pms, he likes dinner at 5, you've always eaten whenever you wanted to. His mother is sweet, your dad is a pain. The difference is endless, but in the end... it ends.
There is a process that we go through when we have had a loss.

First is the shock. Shock even if the divorce is your idea and something you want. You can't believe this happen to you, what happen to the story book ending?

Second is denial. Denial to the fact that you have suffered a loss. This divorce was your idea... it shouldn't hurt.

Third is anger and guilt. You married him, you/he made it
impossible to stay, ect.

Fourth is despair. No matter which way you cut it, you wanted to be married, you wanted to be happy. You weren't. You have sorrow. Sorrow is despair.

And finally number five, Acceptance. You accept what you can not change.

What the song represents are all the things you can not bring out yourself. The emotion. You may be running from the emotion you can not allow yourself to feel, and this song touched those heart strings.

Let it out, sister. Cry, get angry, get hurt, get some counseling, feel it! Feel it and move on. You will be better for it.

Please note that this is simply MY limited view of what I have read about your story. But the advice for therapy is real. Try it. It can never hurt to talk to someone who cares.

Answer 3

I have had that happen to me. I am a crier and I once for fun looked up on the computer what crying was. I found out that it is a stress reliever. Let out your emotions. You should keep them inside. Just because that song makes you cry doesn't mean you want him back, all it means is that you are still hurt. Someone once told me that if you are with someone for a year it takes two years to get over them. I really hope that isn't true, but I can totally see where they are coming from. When you are hurt by someone, it is hard to move on from it, but time will heal all wounds.

Answer 4

I've been overcome with emotion by a song that fit a situation like that. And I am not a crier. In my adult life I have cried maybe once or twice a year. But losing it because of a song didn't convince me that I'd made a mistake in my life, or didn't have me trying to reconcile with someone. I just think that sometimes when you have trouble expressing how you feel or dealing with hurt something like that comes along to get some of that stuff that's bottle up out of you. I think you are over it, but the song just reminds you of how difficult that time was. It's normal to have regrets, not matter when or how they strike you.

Answer 5

3 years ago my ex said he wanted a divorce, than i found out about her, and that he had been seeing her, it explained why he treated me so badly for the longest time. we will always love them, and it does take it's time, and certin songs that we remember that remind us of certin things, will make us cry because we are emotional. we never get over it, but it does get easier when we learn to just accept it, when we have the desire to move on and live our life. i left also right after my divorce, thought time and distance would be all i needed to stop my pain, but i was sure wrong. it is a process that we must go through so we can move on and share our life again with another. it does get easier as the years pass, and we realiaze maybe we need to forgive ourselves for whatever our part in it was. gets much easier if we forgive ourselves.

Answer 6

It sounds like this song jolted you back to when you first split with your ex. Songs can do that. In time, it will not hurt so bad. It's also a time of year when families are together and we long for that "perfect" scenario for ourselves. If you need to cry, cry. It is better to let it out than to stuff your feelings.

Best wishes.

Answer 7

Why did you divorce your husband in the first place? It may be u still love him and feel guilty (because the reason may not have been justified to you, you just doivorced because you were bored, etc...)

If you want to really stop this, I would suggest possibly talking with your ex. about this. Because it looks like there were many things that were left unresolved.

Answer 8

Im sorry, You should try to go out with friends. Have a good time and dont worry about him!
Try some counseling too, that might work.

Good Luck!

Answer 9

you may forgive and overlook and be extra conscious that the persons around you generally have the aptitude to do incorrect. Human nature sweetie. I pray for the guy who has achieved me incorrect and myself (that I wont whoop off in that azz) lol . in spite of everything keep in mind Murphy's regulation what is going around comes back around back.

Answer 10

Females can have strong emotions that stay along time. Let the emotions out but dont act on them.