Ok.I was in relationship with a very very very jealous guy for one year. I left him,because i found it very hard not to have any friends, not having my needs met. It has been 7 months since the relationship finished. We are still in touch,just over the phone.I miss him so much, so much. even thou i was not very happy in the relationship, it was special for me. He doesnt want me to work, he doesnt want me to have friends. he wants me just for himself. i really love him and miss our sweet moments.I can either try to forget, like i have tried so far, but it isnt possible, because he just means too much for me. It means feeling pain for very long time, having to cope with not being with him ever again, which i found very hard. Or i can come back to him and start family,as he wants us to, but it means to live againts my beliefes, i dont agree with not working, not being equal to my partner.i dont agree with this kind of life, but i cant face anymore life without him.i miss him too much.
2006-12-08 12:34:57 · 12 answers · asked by Eli 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Sounds like your asking for an OK to go back to him, But your saying your just not happy in that life style. Are you thinking you can change him? If so big bo bo!!!. Why be so controlled by some one like that? Might just be a wife beater in there some where. Just A thought. Good Luck.
2006-12-08 12:44:05 · answer #1 · answered by Bear 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to take a hard look at what you have written for the explanation of your own question. Jealousy has no place in a loving relationship. The restrictions placed on what you want to do with your life within and outside the relationship are unrealistic unless you are into a cults mentality. You say that you were not very happy in the relationship but then you say that you can't face life anymore without him. GET some real counseling on this. You are confused in your mind and in your heart. This is NO WAY to begin a marriage. FEAR, PAIN and CONTROL sound scary enough even though this ended 7 months ago. What if you were married to these factors? What if you had children who had to live with these factors? The pain you will experience in permanent separation from this man will only be as bad as you allow it to be. When you have phone conversations and are reminded of the good times...they are memories of a time that was ...and you were not always happy. We all need to have friends and feel self sufficient. You need to be more clear within yourself before you have another relationship.
2006-12-08 13:31:53 · answer #2 · answered by blockhead 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What exactly do you miss about him? This relationship sounds abusive. Someone who loves you does not try to control you. They bring out the best in you. I would not recommend having children with this man. He more than likely wants to start a family with you to keep you tied down even more. If you are unhappy with him and unhappy without him, I'd stick to being unhappy without him because eventually you will get over it and be able to move on. You will find someone who will love you as you should be loved. Time changes everything. Hang in there. Maybe talk to someone to help give you some inner strength. Don't obsess. He isn't worth it and you need to realize this now, not later, with children and bills and no way to support yourself. He wants you to be totally dependent on him. Not good. You deserve better - I know this and I don't even know you. Think hard about this because it is your life and you don't want to be saying a few years from now - if only...
2006-12-08 13:10:36 · answer #3 · answered by betty l 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a good person, you need to wise up. This guy is a controller and he has made you co-dependent. This type guy ends up being the worst kind of abuser. If he cannot control you, he would not want you. A controller only likes ones that he can blame for his own mistakes. Problem is, sounds like he is still in control of you. You will end up in a living hell, if you fall back into this trap. You seem to be very intelligent, do not let him turn you into someone that cannot or will he let you think for yourself. Kick him to the curb and get someone that appreciates your feelings and goals in life, not try to mole you into his own controlled robot. Controllers are mental abusers. Controller will also physically abuse you if you do not do what they expect.
2006-12-08 12:49:43 · answer #4 · answered by m c 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all, if u believe that going back to him will go against ur beliefs, u shouldn't but if u can't be thinking that u can live life without him. He made ur life miserable to a certain degree but u still want him. there is no definite answer that u CANT face life w.o him. u have to go out there, maybe will find another partner that will have the same beliefs and/or respect ur beliefs and not make u miserable...or have any friends.
U have to be possitive. Maybe what's holding u back is that even though ur relationship ended ur still in touch with him. That makes u think of him more...therefore makes u want to be with him more regardless of the past.
My OPINION: try to stop talking to him or seeing him. go out with ur friends n family. And try to forget about him and eventually, sooner or later u'll meet someone that meets ur beliefs.
2006-12-08 12:45:52 · answer #5 · answered by knightamar13 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! Okay, do NOT just jump in and start a family - that's a huge commitment, and one you can't undo. You want to be happy, and this guy isn't going to give that to you. Just because you love somebody doesn't mean you should be together - so stay out of this, for YOU.
Maybe go read O. That's a good magazine for when you need to get empowered.
2006-12-08 12:44:39 · answer #6 · answered by Cedar 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a situation that is not good. What you describe is often the prelude to an abusive relationship, and you also describe the dependence of someone whose personality is inclined to get into abusive relationships. Think about your childhood. Are you recreating an abusive environment and relationship that occurred in your childhood?
2006-12-08 12:50:01 · answer #7 · answered by Clown Knows 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest you see a therapist. From what you describe he is a total control freak and why you would want to put yourself through that is beyond me. Well maybe not totally beyond me - I spent 10 1/2 years with someone as you describe...10 1/2 of the most unhappy years of my life. He gradually cut me off from all of us friends, worked on cutting me off from my family, got pissed off when I decided to go back to school to better myself, got very jealous of anyone I talked to and accused me of sleeping with each of his friends. Let me tell you, it's not a way to live and to live that way pretty much reduces your self esteem to nothing. It did me. There are not sweet moments with a person like that. Someone who will not have a life of your own. Trust me, there are MUCH better men out there than the sorry excuse for one that you think you love!
2006-12-08 12:45:15 · answer #8 · answered by Sunidaze 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love yourself first then you will find your true love. You are setting yourself up for a very abusive relationship. You were luck to get out once you may die next time. seek professional help for the severely wounded childhood you can't remember. you need to be true to you. Will regret the choice later and he WILL abuse the children too i guarantee it.Stop this cycle of abuse now. Follow your heart not your head. Heal both of them as they are both wounded.
2006-12-08 13:00:33 · answer #9 · answered by iamonetruth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well ok you have two choices....you can go back.....and find yourself in the same situation (because people like that never change) or you can continue to live your life the way you deserve, and in the long run find someone that acctually loves you for who you are, not what you can do for them.
2006-12-08 12:44:53 · answer #10 · answered by Mintjulip 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋