Explain to me...?

Question

what you think about se before marriage with the person your not even sure wouldnt leave you one day. That just might not cope with you. Or that MIGHT just hurt you in the end.

And one more thing, is someone whose a virgin till their one true love...seem weak and helpless??

sorry, se...I forgot the x

Is it wrong to want to choose carefully? Becuz your afraid to get hurt?

Is it better to go out with every nice guy one finds? Or wait properly to settle down with only one?

One guy said i was weak for waiting, thats actually why I'm asking. Some of my friends arent virgins any more, and they said its not worth of me to wait.

They asked if I'd rather have better sex or better love?

Is it really true I cant have both?

Answer 1

Importantly, watch for "warning signs" that he's a good man. There are five warning signs which he'll show early in the relationship. If you see any of these, don't wait! Just leave immediately:

Sheryl Cates, executive director of the National Domestic Violence Hotline, says many women may be in a potentially abusive relationship and not even know it. She says there are five indicators that a relationship is likely to become violent.

- Jealousy and possessiveness
- Controlling behavior
- Verbal abuse
- Threats to harm you, your family or your pet
- Isolation from friends and family

"These signs are not necessarily violent, but they can become violent and are precursors to violence," Sheryl says. If these behaviors are present in your relationship, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-SAFE to be connected with help in your area.

Many people, sadly believe that jealousy is a sign of love. It is not. It's a sign of possessiveness. We are not "owned".

If the man you get involved with appears "too good to be true", then he usually is (same for guys with women). The most charming. sweet-talking guys are the one's you have to be wary of. Also, if he appears to be "moving too fast" for you, like he wants to marrry you almost immediately, DON'T!! Back off!

Take time to get to know him. Don't jump in to marriage. If you're saving yourself for marriage (the right guy), and he tries to sweet-talk you in to bed, DON'T!! If he threatens to seek sex elsewhere, let him. He's not worth it. That proves he's only after sex.

I'm enclosing a link, when you click it, click the link on the bottom of the "warning signs" and watch the video.

Answer 2

Well, I tend to think that practise makes perfect. Also, I don't really think that there's any such thing as a "one true love", and thank god, because otherwise all my friends would have been doomed after their 16 year old crushes turned sour. So, anyway, those are my notions.

I think there's probably somewhere between waiting for the One, and dating everyone reasonably nice guy who crosses your path. The right person doesn't always appear magically before you, and sometimes they come in disguise, so writing someone off because there's not an immediate running through a field of daisies feeling is foolhardy. However, some people are just friends. There's no spark, never will be. No point in dating someone who doesn't at least make you tingle a bit.

I don't think it's weak to wait to have sex. I do worry about two things you bring up, though. First, don't avoid people who might not work out because you don't want to get hurt. I mean, don't sleep with people you don't trust, obviously, but people can surprise you. The player may be ready to settle down. Secondly, I worry in general when people put so much into sex. My thought is, why wait until your One True Love? Dude, virgin sex sucks. If you ever do get that transcendant, divine communion, I say it's better to have already gotten some of the kinks out. If you want to wait because of personal moral beliefs, that's totally cool. But if you're only waiting because you want it to be special, then you're setting yourself up for failure, especially if you're a girl. Even with the girls I know who lost their virginity with their Ones, their impression the first time or two was more "oh, was that it?" It gets better, which is why I say get the learning curve over with. I mean, you should care about your bed partner, or else it's all just kinda depressing (in my view), you should want to do it, and definitely be safe, but otherwise, have fun.

Answer 3

I think you are asking the world to answer a question that has and answer only withint yourself. This is a very personal issue and you just have to decide what is right for yourself. With that said, I will give you my answers and invite you to take it for only what it is: the opinion of another person.

For me, I wanted to wait for that one special person who I thought I was going to marry. Instead, my first was an overly aggressive girlfriend who didn't understand or share my views on the issue. I really liked her, so I gave in. I don't regret it at all however. It just opened a door that can't easily be closed. In my mind, once I had sex the first time, it didn't seem to make sense to stop. So, when we broke up, I was right at it with my next girlfriend and the next and so on.

I think it is OK to give yourself to someone who truly cares about you and has good intentions for the continuation of your relationship. I have known of girls who gave their virginity to a man who had no plan to stay with them, but just wanted to have sex with a virgin and didn't care about her or her feelings. So, I would strongly suggest that when you enter a relationship with a man and it seems that sex is on his mind, you just tell him that for you sex is special and you want to be sure to only do that with someone who will be there for you and who you want to be with. Even if you decide to start having sex, there is nothing that says you have to rush into it. Be sure of how you feel and be sure that the guy really cares for you and is not just out to score.

Finally you asked if someone who is a virgin until his or her one true love seems weak and helpless. I think some people might see it as being "strange" if a person is over a certain age and is still a virgin. I met a woman who was 35 and claimed to be a virgin. By the way, she was not ugly, but just said that she spent her life trying to meet her parent's expectations of her education. She is a very educated person by the way. lol I hope that answers your question.

My advice is that you should just take your time. If you are over 18 years old and you have someone who is loving to you and who you share many good times with, consider giving yourself to that man. Some men, even good ones, will not be patient until marriage. The fear of marrying a woman without ever trying her sexually is a reason why a man will run from you if you won't let him have sex with you. A man must know that he will be content with his wife sexually. Imagine that you wait until marriage and then you find out that his sexual desires are FAR more than you can handle. Would you be afraid he might cheat? Right or wrong, he might.

Answer 4

I think it is important to care about the first person you have sex with. Yes, you might get hurt... that is part of life. You can love someone and not have sex with them -- and end up breaking up. You will be hurt then too.
You should focus on experiencing life -- in a healthy way -- not always worrying about not getting hurt.
Obsessively waiting for the right person (with still not guarantee that it will be) is a bad idea and is setting you up for a lifetime of therapy visits.

Answer 5

We can't foresee the future. There is no telling today, if changes in ourselves, changes in our partner will someday foreclude the ability to stay together. Without knowing EVERYTHING about your partner, how can you make an educated decision about the person you intend to spend the rest of your life with?

I'm all for sex before marriage. Actually, I'm against marriage, but all the same....

Answer 6

This is an individual choice for each person. A private decision based on your belief system. If you don't want to have sex until you are married, waiting for that 'one true love' more power to ya! I myself didn't wait and glad I didn't as I found that you need to experience life (sex included) before marrying.

Answer 7

If you are asking the general public about this issue, I think the answer is pretty clear. You should wait. You should wait until you know it is right for you and you are prepared to deal with ALL of the possible repercussions. Please.

Answer 8

dont do it!!! my sister got leaft before theygot married!!!!because he took her forgranted and knew he could come back to her because she loves him.I felt that way to and other people i have asked!!! sex after marrge is way better!!

Answer 9

Sex before marriage is adultery.

it is right not right