He is not at all happy and was unhappy before I met him. I am not happy as well. His wife is 6 years older than him and my husband is 18 years older than me. I don't know what to do??? My husband is wonderful, but the attracton for me is gone?!. Please help!
2006-12-08 11:51:57 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can' t tell you what to do, But I can tell you my situation and maybe help you a bit. I was married for 8 years. My wife did fall in love with another married man, cheated on me and left. This was 1 1/2 years ago. She got to really know the other guy moved in with him. Lived with him for a year. -(we have 2 children). They broke up he went back to his wife. She wants me to take her back. She says she learned that the grass isn't greener on the other side, and there isnt a day that goes by that she doesn't wish she could take everything back.
I don't know your situation. But everything We had together was ruined due to us being comfortable and taking each other for granted.
Nothing can replace those ruined feelings.
I havent taken her back- though I have thought alot about it.
2006-12-08 12:02:11 · answer #1 · answered by dsolsi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-05-08 07:14:47 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's be honest for just a moment. As I see it, you are considering an affair with a married man. You have an attraction to him that you currently do not have with your husband. He has an attraction to you.
I think that you know the answer to your question already. You like the emotional and physical attraction (not to mention the excitement) of a affair. This is normal. People, when they are about to start affairs, experience this "high". The question really is, if you do have this affair, what will happen.
There are several possibilities. Most certainly, your marriage will fail. It is already failing (by your question), and this looks like the final step. My question to you is: If the marriage is failing, then why don't you go ahead and take steps to get a divorce? There would be no need for you to sneak around (your other man is a different story) if you became separated.
Another is that you may find, after time, that the man who you are considering having an affair with is not the solution to your failing marriage, or to your loneliness. He may, in fact, be worse after time has exposed his faults (just think back to when you first got married, and how good your husband was then).
Or, your husband / his wife could find out, and it could all explode in everyone face. This is usually the most likely to happen.
Finally, you could live together for the rest of your lives in perfect bliss. Since I don't know either you or him, I can't discount the possibility, but statics state that this is extremely improbable.
At the end of the day (and this very long answer!), I would advise you to not get involved with this married man. Yes, I know that your emotions for him and his for you are very strong. Yet, it seems to me that you and him could hurt a lot of people. Think of it this way - you say in your question above that your hubby is wonderful, but you are not attracted to him anymore. Since he is a wonderful guy, do one good thing to him: be honest & upfront. If you want a divorce, go get one, but just tell him why, first. Don't let him find out about that by finding out you are having an affair.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, and once the divorce is finalized, you can go fishing. If you and this other man are falling in love, then it can wait.
2006-12-08 12:16:11 · answer #3 · answered by Big Super 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you should stay married and work through for better for worse all you can.But in this case you got married for the wrong reasons, we all make mistakes. The point I am making is since you got married for the wrong reasons, being in love was not important to you at the time, but getting out of the family situation you were in was. So now, you have found the love that you were missing out on and you realize that love is more important than anything... You have given up 26 years of happiness. Is it not your turn yet? Really think about this before you do it and consider the grass is not always greener. However if you are in love and believe this new life is yours then go for it and dont give up another 26 years on a marriage that just wasnt for you in the first place. Its okay to make mistakes and sometimes others get hurt by the mistakes we make. Forgive yourself and go forward.Go to God and ask him what he wants you to do if you are still unsure.
2016-03-13 04:54:15 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow thats deep. I dont know what you can do. Divorce is pure hell its not anything anybody should or have to want to go through. Your husband is almost 18 years older than you talk about an age gap! Are you sure its not just infatuation with the married man? Things are very difficult once you get married and your not happy and want to be with someone else. Good luck I hope someone gives you some sound advice.
2006-12-08 12:01:10 · answer #5 · answered by . 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't matter how bad he claims their marriage is. It is wrong. How would his wife feel. he can say she is horrible and does this that and the other but who's to say he is not exaggerating and who's to say it is any of your business. I would suggest you forget about these feeling of excitement and the fun of a new relationship and really think about the end result. How would your husband feel and does he really deserve this. IF you were losing attraction towards him you should have communicated it with him. He deserves that from his wife, not running after a man you find more attractive and more appealing. He is cheating on his wife because things got hard. This is the wrong to deal with this. You are hurting people you made vows to. Walk away and handle the situation the decent way.
2006-12-08 12:01:05 · answer #6 · answered by Maizy * 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop now before you ruin the lives of everyone involved. Figure out what wrong with your relationship w/ your husband. If it's worth saving, see a counselor otherwise do the right thing and leave. Figure out what would cause you to betray your spouse and the other man's wife. If you have any concern for your soul, you will end it and examine how you can become a better person. Be strong!
2006-12-08 12:27:50 · answer #7 · answered by Indievoter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stay clear of this other man right now. You have one relationship right now, so you need to work on it or end it before you start anything up with anyone else.
Get some help with this. This other person should be the last element to this problem. Don't hurt so many people by betraying them.
2006-12-08 12:06:49 · answer #8 · answered by schmitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it from someone that has been. DON'T DO IT. We were both married and fell in love. Needless to say I lost everything I had. I am divorced, he is still with his wife. I fell like I have flushed the past three years of my life down the toilet. Of course, she has threatened to live him so they are working on their marriage and guess where that leaves me? Out in the cold with a broken heart. Take my advice and work on your marriage with this "wonderful" man. You will regret it if you don't as I have.
2006-12-08 13:52:15 · answer #9 · answered by Redhead 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one, you need to really decide if your willing to give it all up. Just because there is no attraction doesn't mean its over. That can happen. I think you gave up on your marriage b/c of the other man. Either try marital counseling or get out and go with the other. Just make sure you know that the grass is not always greener....
2006-12-08 11:55:53 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋