I don't think I can take much more of them this month. Would it kill my marriage and my inlaw relations for me to skip our Christmas with them? I've asked my husband to make the 2 day trip alone. Now he is mad and I feel guilty.
2006-12-08 11:39:56 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
his family is celebrating Christmas early. My hubby and I usually celebrate early with them and then Christmas day with my parents.
2006-12-08 11:46:44 · update #1
So it's not a matter of us not being together Christmas day. It's just the early Christmas I don't want to go to.
2006-12-08 11:47:22 · update #2
It will cause friction in the family - but, I feel you have that right. Why go when it is strained? Insist that he go and have fun, send your regards and don't worry about it. Its called choices!
2006-12-08 11:43:50 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough and common situation. The in-laws are part of the whole package when you get married. Remember the "For Better or Worse'? Sometimes the in-laws fall in the worse category. No one said you have to like them but you should find a way to get along with them even if it is just for a few days at Christmas.
Put yourself in your husband's shoes for just a minute. He probably feels torn between his love for you and his love for his parents. He is probably also thinking that not only do you not like HIS parents but you dont want to be with him on Christmas either. I think I would be pretty hurt too.
I think you should be honest with your husband on why you have issues with his parents without accusing them of anything. See if he is willing to make arrangements for you both to stay at a hotel or another family member or friends house instead of their house. This way at least you can have your own space away from them if things get too tense.
Good Luck
Shelle
2006-12-08 11:58:20 · answer #2 · answered by shelle007 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say what they were going through. Is there anyway to talk to your husband about your feelings? Maybe you could beg off for both of you and stay home "sick", after all it is flu season. If they live that far away, they will never know and you don't have to feel guilty. We had to finally put our foot down with our families, we couldn't possibly make everyone happy. We figured that they know where we live if they want to see us. Good luck, if it is going to cause problems with your husband, just paste a smile on your face and go. You don't want to be separated from your husband for Christmas.
2006-12-08 11:46:03 · answer #3 · answered by Jinny E 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said they were going thru a hard time right now. maybe this has something to do with being rude to you. It may not directly have anything to do with you. Christmas is a time to be with family. You might want to forgive and move forward, bite a little bit of tongue, because who knows what can happen over the next year and god forbid this was your last christmas together.
2006-12-08 11:50:27 · answer #4 · answered by cheoli 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Call your motherinlaw, and ask her directly, if she has a problem with you, may be there is some thing in the past, that been festering in her mind, if she will talk to you, then you can get it out in the open, and solve what ever is making them act rude to you. Your husband needs to be a little more supportive of you, if his parents are rude to you, he should tell them to stop. You do not need to feel guilty, why should your Holiday be ruined with unwelcoming relatives, until this is resolved, stand your ground.
2006-12-08 11:49:57 · answer #5 · answered by Kimberly H 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did you spend last Christmas with them? If so, then just politely say, " We have decided to have Christmas in our own home". Send them a nice package and that's it. If anyone should be angry it should be you not your husband. His parents aren't children and unless there is a terminal illness occurring now then his place is at home with you for the holidays. He should go visit them after Christmas like the day after Christmas day. It is time for you to form your own traditions and memories in your own home.
2006-12-08 11:44:05 · answer #6 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bite the bullet, and go with your husband, be courteous, smile, and do not have a lot to say, and everything will be okay, and stop taking it out on your husband. Tell your husband you will love to be at his side, that you will go any where with him, go on and make his day, sometimes we have to do these things, just try and be kind to the in-laws, it is only for a short time. and look what it will do for your marriage! have a great holiday!
2006-12-08 11:52:41 · answer #7 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT allow your inlaws to ruin your life or your marriage. That may sound a bit overboard but it took me years and many many ruined christmases to be able to stand up to my mother in law. As for youir husband, the only advice I can really give you is what my mother learned from her mother and then passed on to me. Set your husband down and explain to him that it's your bed he shares, not his mothers so he damn well better take your side.
2006-12-08 15:03:29 · answer #8 · answered by K M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Christmas is meant to be spent with family
2006-12-08 11:42:07 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me, the husband or the wife should side with the spouse, your living, loving and spending your lives with your spouse, not the in-laws. Not to say to be disrespectful, but each spouse has a duty to protect and side with their spouse.
2006-12-08 11:43:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋