After almost 7 years of marriage my husband tells me that he's tired and that he cannot deal?

Question

My husband said that things were not going the way he thought they should... And he needs to be selfish right now,
He moved out and is staying with a freind still pays the bills at home and still claims to love me, he is very brutaly honest so I know there is no other woman, he says he just cannot be with us(me and his daughter) right now and this may end up in divorce...I am so crushed what should i do?.
everyone tells me hes going thru something and he'll be home when he gets his head right am I foolish for waiting...I took my vows seriously and am deeply in love, I am so hurt and confused..what would make a man do this?

Answer 1

mid-life crisis maybe

Answer 2

I don't want to start alarm bells ringing but this sounds very similar to what my husband told me (he was seeing someone else) He was confused with his life, not happy with the way our marriage was going, not sure of his feelings. Ring a bell ?? He also moved out and continued to pay the bills. I agree that was out of guilt !! As far as what makes a man do this ! Who really knows ?? It could be a lot of reasons but regardless of the reasons l think it is the most hurtful thing a man or woman can do to someone they are supposed to love !On the other hand everyone else could be right, perhaps it is just some form of mid life crisis ! Maybe he will come home when he clears his head, but if l was you l would want to know for sure what was going on ! My husband did come back and he agrees the grass is not always greener on the other side. He is very remorseful for what he did and we are working things out but the trust issue is very hard to regain. I know in my heart that we both love each other and have shared many years together and wanted to make things right again. You on the other hand don't really know the real reasons yet ! You must speak to him and tell him you need him to be totally honest with you about what is going on. Then you can decide what you want to do about your marriage. Trust me, l like you never ever dreamed that my husband would cheat, he just seemed too honest !! Do not let him be too selfish, you also need to know for yourself and your daughter where you stand in your relationship. I honestly hope for your sake that l am wrong but be prepared just incase l am right !! I really hope all works out well for you and good luck

Answer 3

I'm not sure how I'm going to answer this question because it hits so close to home for me personally. Like the two of you, my fiance and I have been together for 10 1/2 years. I'm 40 and she's 38. We have a beautiful 6 year old daughter. We always thought of getting married but for some reason or another we kept putting it off. A year ago, I asked her yet again and initially like before she said yes. Only this time I went out and purchased for her a $12,000.00 engagement ring to symbolize my love and commitment to her. Well, two months followed and she told me that she wanted to keep things the way there were (living together as a couple) mainly because of my credit which she didn't want to inherit. Needless-to-say, her credit was worse than mine but I cleared her credit to a high rating and put my own on the back burner. We purchased a house together in both of our names as well as a few cars. Anyways, to continue, since her candidness in confessing she no longer wanted to get married, I've been having thoughts of being on my own. I love her dearly but honestly speaking, something deminished when she turned me down. I'm still with her today although secretly I'm pretty sure I will leave her when I think the effects will have the least amount of mental distress on my daughter. But for my own sanity I would like nothing more than to do what your husband did and just rent another house or apartment somewhere. I don't feel like I'm going through a midlife crises and there isn't another women in my life dispite what people may think. I feel as though I'm losing a part of myself by staying here but will continue this serades as long as necessary. My advice to you is to prepare yourself for the worst. If a man gets up the nerve to move out of the house, chances are he has already considered all the alternatives and has no intentions of returning.

Answer 4

Mid-life crisis, quarter-life crisis... something along those lines. Men often begin to panic when they get bored or begin to miss aspects of their "old lives". They do rash things and usually come around after a while.

My boyfriend of 2.5 years (he's 25 years old) does this sometimes. He doesn't leave or anything, he just starts to miss all the fun he had in college and has difficulty accepting all the "grown up" things that come with aging. He says that our relationship is "boring" and that we need to go out more and meet new friends. Then when it actually comes time to go out or meet friends, he doesn't feel like it or is "too tired".

I think some men create imaginary problems in their mind. Best thing is to give him an analysis of what you suspect is the real problem (kinda like a therapist) and let him know you understand how he feels. Discuss ways you can turn this around and have a better relationship.

Answer 5

Seriously, let it go and focus on you and your daughter. Let him be selfish, your little girl didn't do anything to deserve this. No matter what he feels he is missing in life, a REAL man would not be hurting his child and keep you dangling. Don't be too sure that he isn't interested in someone else hon...I know you really want to believe that. A lot of times guys will pull this crap, and they want the woman to sit and wait on the sidelines until they are *done*. They don't want the women to find out because they know she will file for support because chicks get jealous. If a woman thinks the guy is just out there *struggling* to *find himself*, she won't go for support because she thinks she is the only one.....This will happen again and again down the road. Been there, been there, been there. Try to get your attention off of him for a while and look at your daughter instead, I'm sure she senses something. Take her to the zoo, anything, just let her be your comfort and you be hers. Better things are out there for you and her. Be strong and take care...

Answer 6

im sorry to hear what is going on right now, but if he is mid thirtys or more he may be going thru mid-life crisis. Just be patient and let him get it together. After living & watching how pathetic his friends life is without a wife and kids he will realize what he is missing at home. Ask him what he wants and be supportive. Tell him that you are patient because you love him but patients do run out and when he decides to come back ur feelings may change into resentment.

Answer 7

I think he is going through a midlife crisis. I went through the same with my hubby. It is very possible he will come back. Just hold on and try to understand that it is the crisis talking. It can get ugly. I wouldn't believe though that there is not another woman. My husband is blunt too, but there was someone else. He found his way home and we've been workign things out. IT took 9 months though.

Good luck. Here are some helpful sites:
www.midlifeclub.com
http://ojar.com/

Answer 8

I'm a man and the only thing i could come up with is another woman if he can't take it Any more go sleep on the couch you just don't leave your family like that if you didn't do any thing to him it must be another woman i know you don't want to except that but that's whats happening right now he just don't want to hurt you unless y6our not telling it all so do a check of the things you've done and if its not enough to leave take it from a man his sleeping with some one else he has to get it from some were and if his not getting it from you his getting it from some one else sorry but its the truth

Answer 9

All men go through mid-life crisis and this could be it, if you still love your husband and want your family back you fight for it. Don't just sit at home and wait for him to come back this will only depress you, go out more buy some new clothes change your hair style, get a full time job anything that will make you feel better about yourself.

Answer 10

I don't know if their is another woman/man or not. However I can tell you this; if a man is disingaged enough to move out, you better be taking steps to protect your self financially . If he is bored with living with you and your daughter, how long do you think it will take him to get bored with paying your bills? I would suggest seeing a lawyer to protect yourself, getting into some classes or putting away some money. You might be hurt right now but imagine how you would feel if you couldn't pay your bills, lose your house, etc.

Answer 11

Wow that is rough. I am sorry you are going through this. Hang in there if you love him and you know he is not involved with anyone else. Get a hobby or go out with some friends, do something to keep strong and to forget about the pain you are in. Who knows, when he returns you might be going through a selfish stage too? Everything will be alright. Hang tough.