serious question and serious answers only please......thanks?

Question

When I was 10 the doctors thought that I had been sexully abused because I had many mental health problems and when they did a physical they saw that my hymen was broken, but I did not remember anything happening. As I have grown older, (I am not early 20s) I have found myself detaching more and more from any male in my life including boyfriends.....plenty are interested in me but thinking about being with them makes me terribly scared and insecure. How will I ever know if I was sexually abused when I cant remember? How do I know if it happened and if I am just blocking it out?

Answer 1

You might need to send this to Dr. Phil

Answer 2

Being a retired mental health practitioner with 20+ years experience, I can say that ultimately you're going to have to make up your own history and live by it. If you have no recollection of any sexual abuse, and no witnesses, and no "experts" who can definitively say yes you were abused or no you weren't, then you are going to be the ultimate "judge and jury" in the matter. Having worked with numerous sexual abuse victims, and those allegedly abused, and having been trained extensively in the subject matter, I can tell you that many "experts" or "researchers" have come up with "symptoms" or "indices" in a person's behaviors and emotions that "prove" whether they have or have not been abused. Sometimess those "proofs" are accurate, and sometimes they are not, and so I can tell you that, from all the "casework" I've seen done with clients in this matter, if you are not sure you've been abused, and there have never been any witnesses, a broken hymen proves nothing, except that your hymen was broken somehow at sometime. And how you reportedly treat boys shows nothing. And the two of them combined prove nothing either. So, as a professional in the field, now retired after 20+ years, I can tell you that you have the rare opportunity to make up your own story, and live by it. But I might urge caution in which story you make up. You might have to live by that story for the rest of your life, and you're so young and you have so many years ahead of you, that that could be a disastrous choice if done in haste or other reason. So, give it some thought, and look at the consequences of your decision, as many consequences as you can see at your young age, and then go with it, and be ready for the consequences. God Bless you.

Answer 3

A broken hymen may not mean anything - it can get broken just through childhood play, like riding horses or physical activity.
I vote with the retired therapist and think you should just choose your own history. Your history does not dictate who you are, you do that. You have a choice in how you think of yourself.
You should get help, however, so that you can feel attached to people, whether you were abused or not is irrelevant, since you can be detached without having been abused.
Read "What you Can Change and What you Can't" by Martin Seligman (I think) for a discussion of whether childhood abuse always leads to being messed up.

Answer 4

not to your depth of something bad happening to me, but I to also had an experience where my mind blocked out any re-call. Years later the truth just pop up - I wasn't even thinking about the incident - it just pop up. I would think within your mind there is a memory of what happened - Do you have relatives, friends or public officials (like school teachers) who are still available to contact? The incident may not be what you think - as in active sports causing the situation vs. some sexual act. Your current hang-up could be caused by your active imagination more than a reality bite. No matter what occur, why let it interfere with your now and future life - become a good detective.

Answer 5

when trauma is so severe we fragment in to a place of safety for survival. Yes you have been abused. You will remember by feeling the past as you are assisted by a professional. Make sure you check out her/his credentials with the professional organization they belong to. Ask around at different agencies if they have any good recommendations. Do your research. There is a potential that DID is present as well and an experienced professional is essential in assisting you in your healing of the fragments. There is a lot more to be shared , not here or now. seek out the professional.
Prepare yourself now by looking into conscious breathing and visualization practises. Like Happy Gilmore find and develop a happy place you can go to to rejuvenate. If you are able to start looking in the mirror at yourself looking yourself in the eyes and stating "I Love You !" and "I forgive You !" This is essential to your healing that you can love and forgive you so you can then extend that out wards. If you can not do the mirror work make this a mantra in your head and even out loud where and when you feel secure to speak verbally. The sound is important in healing the neuro pathways. Saying your name is also benifical. Listen to "Mozart effect" music it does not have to be loud just playing in the back ground. You can get this at the library if need be. Incorperate black and white objects into your life ie: toys, yin/ yang symbols.... what ever as this stimulates new pathways to develop. congratulations on yur courage in seeking the The Truth . May your journey be in saftey and God speed to you sister.

Answer 6

well in truth i wonder if you really dont know allready and really ask yourself what does this answer you seek do for you is it something you honestly want to or are ready to know if infact you do find out you were what does that do to you will you seek out the offender and then what ?? if your mind is blocking the memory better left to nature and dont let some doctor you pay 2000 an hour go dragging **** out of your brain when what good does it do move on in your life you dont remember for a reason and maybe it never happened

Answer 7

sometimes we dont have control over what happens in the unconssious, since it is bigger and more complicated than our conciouss part, at this point I seriously recomend that you see a theraphist, because in despite you were abused or not, it is creating an issue and it is affecting your real life, something in your unconssious isnt working fine and the best is to look for professional help, dont let this kind of problems go further.

Answer 8

You're blocking it out. you could have been violated by a finger at a very young age and the only memory is a physical body image that you can't put words on. Got to a good therapist and work on this issue.

Answer 9

You might want to try going to a therapist to help you with your memories you have suppressed cuz it sounds like something happened and you have blocked it out.

Answer 10

Are you willing to be hypnotized? That could possibly be one way to think about the past without bringing it up to scare you. Good luck and I hope you get what your searching for.