in confused.....?

Question

My DAd stopped talking to me almost a year ago and as much as i say i hate him i dont, i just want to have him in my life as i have no parents without him as my mum died 7 years ago. But everyone tells me he lied to me for 6 yers because he was scared of losing me but if that was the case than surely he would reply to my letters. i Turned 18 yrs last month and i had no acknowledgement from him at all, which really hurts as i am trying to get himn to talk to me but he just ignore my letters cards etc.

Thats what i dont understand if he really was scared of losing me why is he letting go and not talking to me? Can someone please try and explain it for me and give me advice onwhat to do???????

as far as i am aware i having done much i fell out with my step mum all the time i was living with him she used to beat me with a wooden spoon an dad would ignore me when i told him as he would not beleive me even tho i had bruses even round my neck where she tried to strangle me. but i have forgiven that and i dont mention it i just ask how they are and let him know how i am.........

my sister is in the same situation with him she has been waiting 6 years and the whole of her sons life for our dad to even talk to her in the street he would wald straight by her an not even look at her...

theres always been one problem i do look like a younger version of my mum which never helped but thats not my fault i cant help it.......can i

Answer 1

Pride is usually the reason, I have the same problem with my mother and have no contact with her at all. While i'm a great believer in discussing things in the open and being honest, my mother thinks talking about things is just bringing up problems and if they are not brought up then they don't exist. Its an old fashioned response and its hard to make someone see sense if they are not willing to discuss it. Ignorance is such a big problem and if your father does not see sense now he never will. I am sorry to hear about your difficulty and disappointment. A card at christmas or birthday may bring about guilt on his part and may lead to a communication, but if not then he really isnt worth the trouble.

Answer 2

After reading your additional info i think you might be better off without this man in your life.

A parents job is to protect a child no matter what the cost, he knew your step mum was beating you, strangled you, etc and he did nothing.

You must be in a very difficult situation, your missing the love from your mother and he isn't there for you, 7 years isn't always long enough to get over the death of someone close so that will be making you seek his affection.

It seems to me that he should be coming to you with apologies so maybe he feels a lot of guilt, it could also be he's a heartless bastard who just doesn't care for you, i think it's the latter.

My best advice is to concentrate on the people you do have around you, your partner should support you and you could consider some bereavement counseling to help you over come your feelings of loss.
After that, you may realise that what your seeking does not lie with this so called father of your.

Answer 3

I don't understand it, other than he seems a very selfish man.......

Maybe he has a secret and feels you are getting too close to discovering the truth, I honestly don't know, but all you need to keep telling yourself is its not your fault and that you have not done anything wrong.....

He is the adult and you are the child even at 18, being 18 is a confusing age to be without all this rubbish going on.....

Just try if you can and get on with your life, get out and enjoy the world, and let him come to you, you have done enough chasing, it is not your job to do that,

bless ya I hope it turns out well for you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Answer 4

I suspect that I am much older than your Dad and hope that I have picked up a little wisdom in those extra years.
Reading between the lines, it seems to me that your Dad is probably more dependent on your stepmother than he would care to admit. I suspect that she is jealous of you and your sister and is rather insecure about your father's relationship with your Mum. Consequently, she is probably poisoning his mind against you and your sister. Your father, it would seem, is concerned that he may lose this woman who provides him with his meals, washes and irons his clothes, looks after his home and keeps his bed warm and he is prepared to forfeit the love of his two daughters in order to keep those privileges.
If your father was any sort of a real man he would put his foot down with his new wife and tell her that his children are important to him, so important that he is prepared to choose them over her.
She would then have to make a choice, accept his family and keep hold of her man or let him go altogether.
I suggest that you print out your question and all of the answers and send them to him with a short covering note and see how he responds. After all, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Good Luck to you all!

Answer 5

As difficult as it may be, you'll probably have to have a relationship with your father completely on his terms. This can be aggravating, frustrating, and unfair, but some people need to be 'coddled', and your father sounds like he's one of them. You will probably realize that you are more mature than he is in many ways, but we're not all created equal! Perhaps you have an aunt or uncle or grandmother who can 'arrange' a meeting? Otherwise, go right to his house. Be the strong one, as it sounds like your father is afraid of his emotions. Good Luck!

Answer 6

This is a difficult one! Without me knowing the full details of your fall out, then I find it difficult to comment! I lost my dad many years ago and would love to chat to him again, but cant as he is dead. So,Do what you can to get back in contact with him!!!! Just have an honest talk to him! Wish you the best of luck hun!! Lifes too short!!!!! xxxxxx

Answer 7

Bless you. My own expereince my dad walked out when I was 18 he wouldn't have any contact with me for 8 months I was devastated. I did bump in to him one day and he cried and cried saying he felt really guilty for hurting me and couldn't deal with the pain he had caused. Don't give up with your dad maybe you have to be the adult here, keep writing and I'm sure maybe one day he will come round. maybe send him your question???

Answer 8

I am an older person who is also a dad, I believe your dad was really upset when you parted, and it hurt him a lot, he has come to terms with the fact that you are not with him, which is why he has not acknowledged your 18th birthday, because he is afraid that you may hurt him again. why not contact him direct and talk to him and reassure him that you do not hate him but want too become his daughter again. hope this helps good luck.

Answer 9

That is so sad hun. but why did he disown u? think there's something your aren't telling here!! Parents can be cruel, but sometimes they have to, to get through to the kid, but keep trying, losing your Mam, the woman he loved? perhaps you look like her, remind him of her? or caused a rift between him and her because of your actions. Look to yourself and your family and I think you may find the reason "WHY". xx No Hurt intented by the way. xx

Answer 10

TACKLE YOUR STEP MUM. She's the one keeping your dad away.
Have a surprise meeting with your dad at his workplace (if you know where it is). Trust me, it will be a great reunion -- just the two of you. Take it up from there.
God be with you.