i don't find anybody is interested in me. i don't have a gaydar either. i am now 26 and with average looks. i love to have sex with some of my buddies, but they seems to be straight, so i am reluctant to approach them. i am ready to wait, but cant stand the sexual stress now.
another problem is that my parents will soon find some girl for me (in India, arranged marriages are common, and dating uncommon). i will have no way other than marrying. i dont know whether i will be able to love her. i may cause great pain to her in that case. i don't want to betray a girl. but i don't want to tell to my parents that i am gay. they may get a big shock.
i feel terribly alone now a days. during nights i cry a lot, and doing so while writing this. i feel very much lonely and i have not told my situation to any of my friends. i don't know how they will respond. i don't want to die as i have to look after my parents. i think that better i do that after their lifetime. what u think?
2006-12-08 08:32:00 · 18 answers · asked by dan v 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I was the same way, I used to cry myself to sleep. While I didn't have the issue of an arranged marriage, I had very religious parents that looked down on gays. I hurt, I hurt others, but in the end, when I was compelled to come out, it feels a lot better. My parents never fully got over it, but they deal with it. The important thing is I've never felt better or more full filled in my life. My suggestion is come out, but realize it will be a long hard process with satisfying results.
2006-12-08 08:38:27 · answer #1 · answered by Wanderer 4 · 8⤊ 0⤋
Come out of that dark lonely sad closet and into the Light of Honesty and Love. If you LOVE your parents, you will let them know who You really are. It would be wrong to go along with an arranged marriage and further damage yourself, damage the poor female and damage your family later...They'd really be angry then that you didn't tell em in the first place. My friend, you have just this one time to get it right and live the rest of your life in joy and peace with yourself. This is the scariest thing you will ever do but you will come out the other side truly a man, I promise! Love, Strength and Joy Be yours, Kevin
PS..If your lonely, I really am turned on by Indian Guys! LOL!
2006-12-08 09:50:21 · answer #2 · answered by sckreet 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please listen to me & take me very seriously, you are doing yourself a SEVERE injustice by staying in the closet and letting everyone else dictate your life. I can understand your fear & nervousness to come out to your family, because I was the same way. My father is a pastor of a huge church & both of my parents are heavily religious, so guess how scared i was! But i had to do it. And u have to do it, for your mental health. The more u stay locked up & hiding, the more depressed u will become. I would really hate to see u do anything such as hurt yourself (or worse) when u can just stand up for yourself and tell your parents that u r gay & u will NOT agree to any arranged marriage. Its going to take time for them to deal & they may never accept it, but u are an adult & u have to take care of yourself. Please, love yourself enough to come out, make other gay friends, open yourself up to other people in the lifestyle & maybe even get counseling. Okay??? Nothing is worth killing yourself. NOTHING.
2006-12-08 08:39:50 · answer #3 · answered by Raynebow_Diva 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You bring tears to my eyes. There are indeed many people fighting for your rights. Hang in there! My son is gay and I know he went through some very tough times till my husband and I confronted him. He was very shocked to find we love him either way..gay or straight. What seems horrible now probably won't be such an issue for you in a year or so. Remember...you are not alone!
2006-12-08 08:40:35 · answer #4 · answered by susan h 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I feel incredibly sorry for you. You have my sympathy and prayers! You need to do what is right for you. I know you have family loyalties and traditions that are important to you. However you have to think of yourself, otherwise, as you quite rightly say, you will end up causing more hurt. Talk to your family and talk to people around you. They do care and you'll be surprised how supportive people can be. You do have gaydar, everyone has it in one form or another, but you need to start having some faith in yourself. What good are you to anyone if you can't be happy in yourself. So head up and be positive. Don't think of only negatives. I'm sure you have alot to offer and you need to focus on that. Good luck!
2006-12-08 08:38:53 · answer #5 · answered by waggy 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First off you shouldn't kill yourself because your'e going through a hard time. I know it's hard for you to keep your head up but you have to. Second, you shouldn't worry about your parent's reaction because in time they will except you for who you are. Third to help you out with the whole arranged marriage, you should just be honest about it. Good luck man and keep your head up
2006-12-08 08:43:59 · answer #6 · answered by ayana312 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is best to be honest with yourself and those around you. Now you are being dishonest to your parents, prospective spouses, your friends, etc. It would be better to deal with the issue being out in the open than feel trapped in your situation by yourself. People are resilient and amazing....just give them the chance. Some won't understand, but you'll be better off telling the truth....being true to yourself.
2006-12-08 08:36:18 · answer #7 · answered by twicewise 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm a mother. No matter what you think now, your mother will always love you regardless of whatever lifestyle you live. If the day comes when my children tell me that they are homosexual, I can't promise I won't cry, but it won't be because I'm disappointed in them. I'll cry because of all they'll have to face in society and all the pain that they will have to endure because of it. Your parents will love you regardless and you need to be honest with them before you can be honest with yourself. Once you are opened up about it, I guarantee you that you will start feeling better in your life. You can't live this lie forever- its unfair to those around you and it is unfair to you. Best of Luck!
2006-12-08 08:39:04 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer F 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
At 26 you are old enough to reach out and grasp happiness yourself. You need to tell your parents that you want to move to a different country where you can feel at ease to be yourself. American offers freedoms that are amazing, you just have to be willing to work towards your happiness. NO one is going to bring it to you - you have to go out and find it yourself.
2006-12-08 09:33:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's easy for me to sit here and say everythings going to be ok. Live life for you, not your parents or anybody else for that matter. And yes sometimes we all feel like we want to die, you are not alone. Please keep talking to people, this is a start!
2006-12-08 08:38:35 · answer #10 · answered by charliesangel5554 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋