My husband and I separated the day after Thanksgiving. He left my 6 month old daughter and I on the streets of a foreign city (his hometown) in the middle of the night. We had to sleep in the car because I was too tired to drive 4 hours to get home. He drained the bank accound (I don't work) and refuses my calls. He came to see his daughter once but it ended up with the police being called cause I was begging and wouldn't let him leave. He's given me NO money for the baby and didn't pay rent so we're getting evicted. He wants a divorce because I have a really bad temper. I would like to get counseling but he is not interested in resolving our marriage. He is meeting with a divorce lawyer tonight and is threatening to prove me to be an unfit mother and take my daughter from me. I know that will be unlikely in Texas but I want my family to stay together! What should I do? I know he's not having an affair, don't ask I just know he's not.
2006-12-08 08:17:19 · 33 answers · asked by newmom06 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can respect your wanting to keep your family together. Who wants to see their family broken apart? Your first priority is your baby. If he would leave any child let alone his own on the streets, I have a hard time believing he is what is best for your child. You couldn't force him to stay married to you if you wanted to. The more you push, the more he will push back.
If he did want you to take him back, you would be setting yourself up to get hurt again. And it wouldn't just be you getting hurt. A decent man would not drain the bank accounts of the mother of his baby. Even if he felt most of the money was his, he would still help you provide. The sooner you let go of this man, the sooner you can make a better life for your child.
As for your temper, you need to get that under control for your child. Every time you yell or act in anger, your child is watching. They pick up on that stuff. Think back to when your parents acted in anger, think how awful that was. Give your child better.
2006-12-08 08:26:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
right now you should try seeking help for yourself and your baby , there are shelters out there that will take you and your baby in while you get back in shape. This guy will just make you worry and lose control of what you have right now. YOU need to focus on you and your baby only for now. Some charrities give out lots of supplies ,food etc . Go to a court house they always have some type of programs going on , or they can refer you to someone directly . The best think of all is that you two have each other. Maybe things will work out later maybe not so you should start thinking about getting divorced as an option , you have to let some things go before they distroy you , this man will take you down from what I see. No man would ever leave a baby and mom on the streets . I really hope everything works out for you two :)
2006-12-08 08:26:49 · answer #2 · answered by Voi'la 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It hurts very bad I'm sure but can you honestly say there is ever going to be a level of security and trust in this relationship after being left in the cold like that? You mention your bad temper as if it is your fault he is a heartless jerk. If you had anger issues before just think of the contempt you will feel once you have calmed down, this is an event that there should be no turning back. You can't rely on him, no matter what! You need to take the steps to take care of yourself and your baby without the loser.
2006-12-08 08:31:33 · answer #3 · answered by Leann 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I want to say first, that I am so sorry that you are going threw this. I went threw something similar and it is just a tornado of emotions. But unfortunately it takes two to make a relationship work. And no matter how much your try, struggle, cry, or beg him to stay, it has to be something that he does. And if he is not willing to, then it just is not going to work. By doing this, but might only be pushing him away from you and your daughter. As far as being kicked out of your house and that.. go to your local FIA building or similar and ask for help. They will help you get into housing, with your bills, food, and everything else that you and your daughter needs. When you go to court, make sure that you ask for child support. I wouldn't worry about being considered a bad mother unless you did something really really wrong. Otherwise, my best advice it to keep things civil. It is best for you and your daughter. Good luck.
2006-12-08 08:27:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He can't take your kids. And I bet your temper improves while he is not around. Go and stay with a relative and look for a job. Go to the legal clinic in that towm and they usually will file a divorce without charge. No matter WHAT you did, that is no excuse to leave you and your child on the street!
You are young. You will find someone else. In the meantime, take a year off, register for some classes at the local college. They can also help you with finance . GOOD LUCK!!!!
2006-12-08 08:34:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you're going to have to snap out of it and fast. Wishful thinking isn't going to get you anywhere, nor is idealizing what he is alike. This guy left you and your daughter penniless and homeless and is threatening to strip a little girl away from her mother. It's time to quit moping and crying and be a mother bear. There is nothing you have said about this guy that makes me think he is a responsible father much less a decent husband. Get a lawyer, make sure you have the resources to take care of your daughter. You're going to have to be tough now. You can cry when it's all over. Don't get complacent about being in Texas. Texas has a very active and militant fathers rights presence. Here's one good source for mothers being challenged for custody:
http://www.custodyprepformoms.org/
2006-12-08 08:24:40 · answer #6 · answered by silverside 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it sounds like you are having a terrible time right now, and i think the best thing i can say to you is that to wait a little bit and give him some time to cool down. Maybe if you told him you would go to counseling for your temper instead of suggesting counseling for you both at this time, he wouls be partial to that. It sounds like he is confused and if he is having doubts, you will only push him further awat by trying to force him to stay and calling the police, etc. You can't make someone do somethging, you can only try to work out your differences and better yourself! I am sorry for you and i do hope that you find peace and happiness!
2006-12-08 08:23:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has made up his mind it is over you need to work on accepting this decision. You will not be doing your daughter or you any good by stalking him and harassing won't make him fall back in love with you. Find yourself a good counsellor and start working through the emotions that you are feeling. It sounds like you are dealing with so many issues right now that you are probably not taking good care of yourself or focusing on what needs to be done to keep you and your daughter safe and happy. Take a deep breath then find a phone book and look up some number for mental health facilities that can direct you to some therapy and some legal aid to help you through this time. Good luck and God bless.
2006-12-08 08:21:26 · answer #8 · answered by Deirdre O 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Move immediately with your kid to a relative in another state. No warning. Just leave. I didn't do this but I know someone who did and he crawled back.
He can't take your daughter away. HE is unfit AND he abandoned you. Just leave with the child and don't look back. He is using that to make you voluntarily sign divorce papers. Even if you do, he can make that threat later. When you get out of state, go to a legal clinic. They will help you FREE.
Don't follow SETI's advice. I know the law. She must be the other woman. This guy is clearly a jerk and he will harass you even if you act nice and sign papers. GET A FREE LAWYER when you move out of town.
2006-12-08 08:22:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
appears like communication has been lacking from the marriage. My suggestion (take it or leave it, is advantageous with me) is to first search for suggestion from from him in a peaceful, understanding way. discover out why he needs the divorce, tell him that you're going to settle for any answer. do not argue, only listen. whatever the answer, it should be good to imagine it over 24 hours earlier replying. Then after 24 hours, ask him if there is besides he may reassess. yet another situation to do is pray, search for suggestion from from a minister, and skim God's note aka the Bible. It has plenty to assert about marriage, He invented it, you realize.
2016-11-24 23:34:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋