I had a male friend when I was 18, that I was in love with but we were just friends, he was dating this girl who well we wont go into but she was a slut, so James and I were best friends, we did everything together, I recently go married and my husband found a picture of us at my Senior year homecoming dance in 2000, the next day I check email and I have an email from this guy I haven't talked too in 6 or so years. Is it ok for us to be friends or do I need to walk away? My husband isn't a jealous man and seems not to care but I don't want to cause us any problems.
2006-12-08 07:43:56 · 22 answers · asked by msoutherngirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think that's great... My husband is very jealous, and I'm not allowed to speak to anything with a penis without him standing right there with his arms all over me... But sometimes when you are having troubles, it's good to have a guy to get the guy perspective from before you deal with your man about it... Keep it very casual, and for appearances, never have him to your house alone... But, yeah... friends are great, and everyone could use more of those...
2006-12-08 07:49:52 · answer #1 · answered by ♥ Butterfly ♥ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It s only OK if your husband is aware of this friendship and is a part of it as well. Otherwise, you are pursuing a relationship behind your husbands back and the marriage should always come first. That means be honest and open with your husband about everything. He deserves it and you would want the same in return. If you feel you may be sacrificing your marriage for a friendship then walk away from the friendship because the best friend you can have and need is your husband.
2006-12-08 09:04:32 · answer #2 · answered by Maizy * 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you have some past feelings about this guy, which can be a very dangerous situation. As a general rule, unless the guy is a friend to both you and your husband, then it might be a better idea to be very careful. A married man should never go anywhere alone with a female friend, and vice-a-versa. Avoiding problems before they become serious is the key here. What would be the reasoning for getting on contact with this guy again? What is it he wants? What do you want from it? Is it worth trouble in your marriage?
2006-12-08 07:49:02 · answer #3 · answered by Waytomanyopinions! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want a divorce then proceed with the friendship. You said yourself, you were in love with him. The feelings don't disappear just b/c you got married to a different guy...my guess is that you would of married "your best friend" if he'd of asked you. 6 years has gone by but it will feel like only yesterday...AND, did you ever think that maybe the reason your husband is ok with it might be b/c he has a female friend on his IM and wants to be fair to you? What are your feelings towards him if he really does have a close female friend from high school on his email list whom he use to be in love with and best of friends? I know from past experiences it just doesn't work in the long run. Short terms YES, long runs...NO. He is not jealous Y E T. If you want your marriage to last don't take up male friends whom you use to love. Too risky. There's more than ONE person to fall in love with, why tempt yourself? I've lost a husband to a best friend...I was friends with this guy and he became my best friend. At first my husband didn't even blink but then he became very jealous...I didn't feel I should have to give up my friendship with the guy cause it really was just friends...so I ended up getting beat up over it and losing my husband. ( my ex severed the muscle in my back from my spinal cord in a blown up fight telling me to get rid of my friend )
Only you know what you could be giving up if the friendship blossoms into what you had as a teen. Why blow a good marriage? Oh, you did say it's a good marriage right? ANd you can not pick your friends significant others...he didn't pick yours. I wish you good luck in what ever you decide!
2006-12-08 08:00:32 · answer #4 · answered by luv2bake 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's fine to talk him again. I had the same thing happen. My best friend in high school was a guy, we were soo close and I was in love with him at one point but he made it clear he didn't want the friendship tainted. After graduation we lost touch and while I was pregnant last year I got in touch with him again. My husband was happy for me and every now and then teases me a bit but other than that things are fine. I have one or two other close guy friends and my husband doesn't seem mind. He knows I'm not going anywhere. You know yourself and your husband better than anyone on here so just do what you feel is right.
2006-12-08 07:48:42 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are even a little attracted to or tempted by this man, stay clear. If you can be friends and not let your old feelings for him get in the way, then fine, but keep your husband informed. If you start sneaking around, even if you don't "do anything," it can damage your marriage. I have lots of guy friends, but they aren't old crushes - that is the worrying part. Fresh fires sometimes start from long-dormant sparks, and you can get burned if you're not VERY careful.
2006-12-08 07:52:46 · answer #6 · answered by Maple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen to these people will ya? Bunch of phonies, ya it's a problem and you friggin' know it . Guys and girls cannot be pals and hang out because one always wants more. It's just a dangerous situation and needs to be avoided at all costs. Do you really think if you offered it up he would refuse? Smarten up!And what I said about one always wanting more..A L W A Y S and anyone who says different is full of it.
2006-12-08 07:53:03 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. But you have to constantly assure your husband that there is no way you would ever sleep with him. Even at the expense of telling your husband he is gay or has no penis or something stupid that will make him feel more of a man than your friend.
2006-12-08 07:56:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should be able to have him as a friend but the problem I have is that you said you use to be in love with him. That in general would be a bad thing I think....If you want to pursue a friendship , tell your husband
2006-12-08 08:23:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd caution you. You haven't heard from him or seen him in 6 years. Make sure you know your intentions and his. If both of you know that there's nothing but a friendship between you, then I don't see a problem with it. But if there are any residual feelings beyond friendship on either of your parts, then I don't think you should pursue it.
2006-12-08 08:18:43 · answer #10 · answered by married2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋