How do you know when you should end your marriage???

Question

I'm 26 and feel I've made a huge mistake. There are no kids involved and it has been an uphill struggle from the time our plane landed from the honeymoon. We fight about everything. When do you know to call it quits? Please do not give me the standard "You're married, you ave to work it out" response.

Answer 1

I have been asked this question many many times.

There are two ways to know. The first is that you know in your heart that you have tried everything to make it work. It doesn't matter what those things are and for the most part they are unique to each person. Counseling is often a last resort but not always.

The second is to have felt the grief of leaving the relationship. People need to grieve the end of their marriage before they feel comfortable ending it. Have you worked through the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance). If you have come to a point where you can accept that the marriage is not going to work then you can leave it with relief that it is over and done with.

Answer 2

The reason most people give the 'standard' response is because everyone's situation is different. There is no fixed 'red line' that all couples reach and decide to give up at.

The work it out response is intended to mean that you and your wife need to talk it out. Just sit down and ask her, "Do you think we made a huge mistake getting married?" Tell her why you feel the way you feel and judging by her response - you may well have your answer.

No one can really give sound marital advice based on a paragraph of information. Why you fight, when you fight, when you don't fight are all pieces. Most problems come from communication issues and misunderstandings about what each person expects from the relationship.

So, communicate & figure it out. One way or the other.

Answer 3

You should end it if you're not willing to try anymore. It doesn't matter how many people tell you to go to counselling and tell you to work at it, if you don't feel the desire to put in the effort then all that effort will be for naught because your heart won't be into it. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to her.

Before you make your decision though, really think about what you're doing. The grass always seems greener on the other side when you are feeling unhappy. My husband and I separated for 2 and a half years and both realized that there wasn't much out there! We both dated others but it just wasn't all that great. We are now back together and making the effort to make it work. I truly believe that any relationship is a lot of work and it's up to you if you are willing to work at it.

Answer 4

I have been married for 6 years. I have been where you are a few times. people sometimes just fight over nothing and it may start to feel like thats all you do. But that is apart of being married. No matter who you are with this kind of thing will happen. you can work to get past it. But if you are not willing to do the work to fix it then you should get out. but know that the problems you are having now will come back with the next guy

Answer 5

If you have exhausted all avenues of approach when it comes to working this out, and there is no chance for reconciliation, then it is time to get out.

But, if you have not made an effort to talk to an unbiased third party and take some advice and some constructive criticism, then I think you are ready to bail too quickly.

If the arguments are nearing a point in which one or both of you are going to be physically hurt, get out of the marriage.

Maybe you thought you were ready for marriage, and then found out you really weren't. Did you live together before you got married, or move in together afterwards?

If you did not live together before, then I think it is growing pains, and these can be worked out. Seek advice from a marriage counselor, a pastor, or just go out and talk to some couples who have been married for 40-plus years. Ask them how they managed to get by the tough times.

If you want it to work, then work on it. Both of you. This cannot be a one-sided deal. I think a bit of compromise on both of your parts is the only thing that is needed to repair this.

Good luck

Answer 6

Hi I would say try talking to her seek counseling when the honeymoon is over life begins and lest try so you can say you did all that you could then move on if your still feeling the same way life's a roller coaster ride believe me but you two need to figure out what you two want and then go from there yes there is fighting what marriage doesn't have it but its not time to cut out when the going gets tough I say stay and try that's all you can do good luck

Answer 7

Then why did you marry this girl in the first place?? There must have been signs that its not the right person for you. And dont you get time to know each other first. Depends on what you fight about, can you stop fighting and ask yourselves is it true love after all. If not divorce and be smarter next time!

Answer 8

If you are giving more than you are getting back and feel it will always be this way, you owe it to her to tell her how you feel. After this if you see her putting no effort to save the relationship, why drag it out. After you get married your first thought should be I am so lucky, not omg what did I do. Just because you made a mistake doesn't mean you have to pay for it forever.

Answer 9

marriage is a huge thing. definitely get counseling before kids come along to determine whether you've made a mistake. Sometimes getting an unbiased look in from outside makes a huge difference.

Answer 10

You make that decision for yourself. There's nothing wrong with admitting a mistake, and moving on. Every relationship carries a risk of not working out.