No passion or desire for one another anymore, tried to talk about it, nothing seems to work. I can't be happy in this marriage like this, am I being selfish?
2006-12-08 07:27:07 · 32 answers · asked by superstar 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
no. You're not. There are underlying issues for the reason of lack of passion. There is no emotional connection between you two. If you can't fix it. Decide jointly to get divorced, do not involve attourneys, be fair about the devision of assets. Get ready for the next chapter in your life.
2006-12-08 07:30:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are corret to want a physical relationship with your wife. If neither one of you is feeling any desire for the other, then I think you need to do one of two things.
If you want the marriage to work, go talk to a marriage counselor. He/She will be able to give you an unbiased opinion on your situation and can give you some good advice. Besides that, if you are talking to a third party, the conversation will not run in the same circle it is currently running in.
If you feel there is no way around this, thn divorce may be an option. I know it sounds bad, but better to be apart and both being happy than to be together and both being miserable.
You didn't specify how long you have been married. Sometimes, the longer you are married, the more the "SSDD" factor comes into play. If you continue trying the same thing and get the same results, try something different. Plan a weekend away for the two of you. Go to a nice restaurant for dinner.
Tough spot to be in and I don't envy you in the least. Try the counseling first. Who knows? It could be something simple that you need to change.
Good luck
2006-12-08 07:36:35 · answer #2 · answered by bux_martinfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not being selfish. Few people would want a sexless marriage.
However, I assume that you once loved and desired each other enough to marry so, especially if you have children, you should make a more determined effort to get to the root of the problem. Do you have nothing in common any more? Are their unresolved tensions? Do you not find each other physically attractive any more? Do you not love each other any more? Is there a physical problem with one of you which results in constantly turning the other away (which will lessen desire in the rejected spouse)? Is one or both of you having affairs? Are you exhausted by your job, children or other stresses?
There are many reasons why a marriage might become sexless. If you want to get to the root of the matter, therapy might be a good idea. Suggest therapy and if your spouse refuses, tell her that you do not want to be in a sexless marriage and will considering separation.
2006-12-08 07:51:45 · answer #3 · answered by Karen L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope.
Many women just get that ring and poof! their sex drive vanishes.
They start seeing how the marriage will run like a small corporation, or they get ready for kids, or they re-do the house, or all three.
Plus they are thinking - thank god I got him so now I can put on my big sweatshirt and my wool socks and relax and gain a few pounds and not give bj's any more.
What they forget is that they gave us a pep talk about how marriage is sex on demand 24/7/365. And we believed it, idiots that we are.
So, the conflict is quite large when the sex frequency drops off early on.
Notice they have time for and can remember every friend's birthday, anniversary, baby shower, etc. They spend tons of time buying cards and making little gifts and dropping them off.
So in the same way you should be able to schedule sex with them. Oddly, they often forget that little date in their PDA.
I am saying their priorities have changed. This type of sexual incompatibility can ruin a marriage. At the very least, tell her you want to schedule 2 dates a week with flexible times and days but maybe Friday/Saturday and Tuesday/Wednesday. Those are date nights and no girlfriends over and no poker games and no sports on all night and no Rachael Ray shows - it's us time.
See how that goes over.
2006-12-08 07:36:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No you are not being selfish for wanting to have sex with you mate but maybe you are being selfish when you are having sex. Instead of trying to get pleased force on being the one that is pleasing. May be you should try listening to each others body and soul. Listen to the rhyme of their heart beat,close your eyes and see their body with your hands and every time you do make love release your real self and you will never want to part. And even when they are not their you can feel them
2006-12-08 08:13:27 · answer #5 · answered by lady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife had a 10 lb baby and the last 6 weeks of pregnancy and then for about 10 weeks after she was in no shape for intercourse, BUT, she knows I have desires and needs and she helps me out with them (takes the matter into her hands and mouth! ! !)
But at the same time I needed to understand that she had no desire in that respect BUT she loved for me to rub her feet and massage her back and shoulders and I did that for her! Marriage is about give and take and understanding!
It is all about love and respect and communication! If there is none of that you need HELP and fast! Get some marriage counseling!
2006-12-08 07:33:03 · answer #6 · answered by me4tennessee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not being selfish. Sex is a very important part of a healthy marriage. Of course, that's not all there is, but it is at the top of the list. Life is too short to be unhappy. Try to fix it if at all possible, but if not, I wouldn't waste my life in a passionless union. Good Luck.
2006-12-08 07:34:43 · answer #7 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No because men have needs. Unfortunately most of them lie under the topic of sex but what can you do? Its a male gene. Your wife should understand BUT have you questioned yourself? Maybe there is a reason why she hasnt been interested. If you want her to fullfill your needs, make sure you fullfill hers as well. See its rather ironic because most of the time, (not all ofcourse) women want to have sex for mental reasons and men want to have sex for physical reasons. So give her what she needs mentally (if you arent) then she could give you what you need :)
good luck. (just dont cheat. Be a man and leave her before you do something like that)
2006-12-08 07:32:08 · answer #8 · answered by Fearfully & wonderfully made 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are a superstar in your own mind but not in the sack. If your wife doesn't want to have sex with you any more than you do she is getting it somewhere else. Your marriage is probably over and you are the only one who doesn't know that.
Sorry to break the news to you>
2006-12-08 09:59:00 · answer #9 · answered by surething_78504 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is obviously some deeper issues going on here. The both of you had to find something in the other person initially. Relationships are work. Did you honestly try marriage counseling?
2006-12-08 07:36:13 · answer #10 · answered by spanky1492 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋