How do you get over the pain?

Question

My boyfriend of many years recently cheated on me for the first time while on a trip abroad. He came back and I felt something was wrong right away. All excuses laid aside, he finally admitted there is another woman he met abroad. They keep in touch via text messaging, emails, etc. I know he won't be going there again to see her, although I'm not sure she won't come here (it's another continent). Whatever he's experiencing is infatuation - she blew his mind away, I'm pretty sure it's based on a physical obssession, but it happened anyway. He came home 3 weeks ago, I left home 2 weeks ago. It doesn't really get easier for me, still hurts a lot.
I have good days and bad days. I try to look ahead and think positive. I am planning to return home in some time and tell him to go. I, being a foreigner in this country, found a lot of support among people around me, even if my family is far away. I do want him to get over this fling and try to make his way back to me.

I'm not sitting around and waiting for him to come back though. But I'm not ready to get over this relationship yet. We've had so many great times and always loved each other. He never-ever hurt me before but now it's big time. Sometimes I don't know how to go on, sometimes I do. But there's always a thought in my mind - he will be back, he will come back because he'll realize what he lost. I'm a great girl, I know that :) Am I a fool? How do you get over this pain and move on? Do you think he'd ever be back?

Answer 1

Let me first just say that I can feel your pain. It's hurtful when someone breaks your trust, especially someone that you've shared so much with.

But people are human and make mistakes. They sometimes hurt you. Right now, you need to focus on you. Incorporate friends and family for repairing your broken heart. I think it took a lot of guts for him to come clean.

I am not saying stay and I am not saying forgive. You have to get over the emotional part and make your decision. Give yourself permission to hurt (it's natural) and try to give that pain a timeframe. Then make whatever decision you think is best for you; be it with him or without him.

Good luck to you!!!

Answer 2

Okay, I read the first line of this question, and I immediately thought to say that there is no excuse whatsoever for cheating, and if someone does it, they WILL do it again. No apology can redeem a person who cheats. Don't ever take him back. YOU ARE TOO GOOD to be someone's "2nd place girl"... You need to believe that. Find someone who will value you enough to not cheat on you... That means don't date this guy again. I will say it again: Don't date this guy again. He will cheat on you again if you take him back because you let him know it's okay in your eyes. I know you're not married, but why set yourself up for a situation where one day you might have to think about "THAT ONE TIME HE CHEATED"???? You are better than that! And if you think he won't cheat on you again, there will always be an imbalance in your relationship forever because you will both be on guard and won't be able to trust each other anymore. No trust=No good relationship!

Answer 3

First off, it may not be the first time he cheated... Just the only time you found out. I doubt he would just outta no where do it, prolly did it before. If you go back to him then you will show him that you have no respect for yourself and he can do what he wants and he has you on a leash. Don't give him that power. I know that pain, I've been through it. I know it's hard, but you need to leave him alone and never let go of the respect that you have for youself..... No man is worth it

Answer 4

i'm 50, and while that occurs my wellbeing consultant has me take Ibuprofen (my prescription soreness killer won't even artwork reason that's a various style of soreness) & stick to progesterone cream (in a various spot each and every time) from the wellbeing nutrients save as quickly as an afternoon till my flow stops. The ibuprofen stops the soreness, the progesterone fixes the situation for the subsequent time around, for me a minimum of.

Answer 5

Your best thing to do is to take your friends or who ever you have with you and tell him to get out and tell him he has 24hr and then go back in24hr with friends and have them stay with you as long as you can or find someone that can stay for at lease the first week or more if you need so you don't stay in the house just thinking about him because if you get out you won't think about him so much and you won't take him back because if you do he will do it again.

Answer 6

you sound like a great girl.We need more girls like you here in Canada.Because our girls would of kicked my ***,And sent me on my way. Listen there are better guys out there, that would appreciate a girl like you.Time heals all wounds.You have to give it more time.Easier said than done,I know.But it really does take time.Do you really want to go the rest of youre life,wandering everytime he goes away or goes to the clubs that he cheated on you.You already know you cant trust him.If you are looking for a Good Canadian boy let me know at [e-mail] Good Luck...

Answer 7

I'm sorry. It hurts when someone cheats on you, I know. The only way to get over the pain is just the same as getting over any heartbreak....time. It just takes time. If you decide to end the relationship you will survive it....but you will be sad for awhile.

Answer 8

Honey, just say a prayer and busy yourself up. He isn't worth sulking over. Life must go on. Unfortunately, he didn't know what he had. He isn't wasting time sulking over you, so don't waste your precious time on. I know it hurts. Start going out and just living life to the fullest. That fool will be back after he has noticed you haven't paid him any attention. Men are silly that way. Live on sista girl, live on.

Answer 9

If you feel YOU can forgive and forget and HE feels that it was just a fling, then things will be OK in time.Let him miss you and be guilty some.Sometime things like this make us closer in the end and we relize we have waht we want and need right in our heart.

Answer 10

If you take him back. He will continue to cheat on you for the rest of your relationship. Taking him back is a sign that you don't care if he cheats. To get him back I suggest you sleep with his best friend.