I could have had a sister/brother?

Question

THis has never really bothered me before but now I am pregnant with my second child it is really upsetting me.
A couple years after I was born my mum got pregnant again and my dad told her to get an abortion so she did. I feel sad that I had a little brother or sister who never had a chance to live and I also feel angry especially now I am pregnant again. How could someone have an abortion in the first place, let alone when they have already felt a baby growing inside them and given birth to it?
It's not like she was young, single or poor so I don't know why she did it, I asked her and she just said because my dad told her to. I asked my dad and he said 'because we wouldn't have coped'
I feel so confused, angry and upset, what can I do to work through it?

Answer 1

I know how you feel. My mother had an abortion. She was pregnant once before she got pregnant with me and decided to terminate the pregnancy. I feel upset that I have another sibling..and that they aren't here. I also feel very blessed that when she became pregnant with me that I wasn't aborted.

I wish all the pro-choicers would think and ask themselves "What if I was one of the children aborted?" They tend to never think that they too could have been aborted but luckily weren't.

Answer 2

You have a right to be upset. I wonder what your Mom's true feelings are on this.... I'm sure deep down she probably wishes she hadn't, I don't think anyone thinks having an abortion will make them feel any better. Live in the present, and you know you'd never have an abortion, so be proud of yourself.
Here's something that isn't the same case as yours, but close- my mom got pregnant between me and my younger brother- she carried it for several months, and then miscarried, so yes, i could have another brother or sister out there as well. It's sad to think about, but you have to live your life to it's fullest, there will be hard times, but do your best to get through them. Be happy you are in this world, and can share some wonderful memories with your new baby. I had a baby 14 months ago, and the greatest joy is seeing him happier than I've ever seen a baby- and knowing I'm part of the reason he is such a happy baby makes me proud of myself. So to work through these pains you are having over your brother or sister you could have had, think of your life now- your baby, and cherish it and be proud.

"Live, Love, Laugh"- going by that always helps me move forward in life.

Answer 3

I had a similar experience with my family. Let me just say that it is something that will always bother you. You will eventually learn to deal with it. Your Mom and Dad may not be telling you everything. They may have done what they thought was right at the time and your Mom might even regret it. Don't be too hard on them. Set an example for your parents and take great care of your baby. The best thing to do is to talk about it or keep a journal. Eventually, you will put it at the back of your mind.

Answer 4

You do not say how old you are. I was 36 when i found out i could have had a younger sister/brother. My mother was VERY upset because she had never dealt with the loss.
She was in the same situation as yours was. She thought she could not handle another child so she had an abortion. It was her decision, however. My father never told her to do it. You need to let go of it because you cannot carry the weight of her guilt on you.

Answer 5

There's nothing you can do. There could be more to the story than you really know. It might be a secret they don't want to discuss. Or maybe they were just dead-set on just having you.
It's a terrible thing, but you need to keep your spirits up and accept the fact your parents made the decision they thought was right for them at that point in their lives. You are a parent and know you will not do the same and that's all you can think. You just need to focus on what you have instead of what you could've had.

Answer 6

Alls I can say is I'm sorry your mother did that; but to be a special mother is to have every child that you are pregnant with that would make you a wonderful mother because later in life your kids will come to you and say I'm glad i have a brother or sister to play with and you would feel so great on giving your baby a chance to live. So don't worry on anything right now except your babies the one in the world now and the one your going to bring in this world. best of luck and have tons of fun with your babies.

Answer 7

you feel upset imagine what your mother is going through. yes its upsetting and terribel but there is nothing you can do. your parents made the mistake there was nothing you could do about it then and there is nothing you can do about it now. Just realize that we all make mistakes and your mother and father will have to live with theirs for the rest of their lives. Sorry for you loss but its time that you move on and remember all the good things in your life.

Answer 8

WOW,

Thats tuff. i have 6 brothers and sister. i cant imagine how bad that must feel. when i was ten my mom had a miscariage with twins and i still think about that. its hard knowing that you should have more close people in your life but a family member chose to take thier life.

i really think you should talk to your mother and father more about it. i dont know if you will ever got the closure that you need though. i feel sad just reading the question.

hope you get through it.

Pray, it helps alot!!!

Answer 9

Salaams sis, they'll positioned you on pills so don't be anxious. Your goin to make me scared too lol.. Its an identical with me +& i became meant to be takin pills which i have not even received so next week i'm goin clinical docs.. we may be takin them for life yet i wager it really is okay.. we receives used 2 it Inshallah x

Answer 10

WoW I can't beleive they told you. It was hard on them as a parent and they didn't think they could handle another child. Sorry but I won't let it eat you up inside