English Deutsch Français Italiano Español Português 繁體中文 Bahasa Indonesia Tiếng Việt ภาษาไทย
All categories

Please help- husband of 7 months wants to have Chrsitmas eve with his daughters mother (they were never married) and her family. She hates me, and is causing alot of problems since we got married. I know he has no feelings for the mother and tells me I need to be mature one and go for his daughters sake!!!!!!! He also allowed his daughter to buy her mom/stepfather a Christmas present. She never buys us a present. He says he does it for the daughter But where does he draw the line???????? Am over reacting?? Do I need to plan my life around my step daughters mothers life????

2006-12-08 07:05:47 · 23 answers · asked by derdeb5 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

23 answers

Why don't the daughters come over your house? This doesn't sound right.

2006-12-08 07:08:04 · answer #1 · answered by baby1 5 · 3 0

As he already has a daughter, it's only natural that he wants to spend some time with her. As it is so he ends up seeing her mother sometimes especially if she lives with her, and you should have known that. I understand that it feels uncomfortable to you, especially when she hates you. And it sounds like you hate her too. It's been only 7 months since you got married, even though you might have gone out with him for sometime, so that's not so unusual.
However, as your husband says you should be more mature. It looks like his daughter has a step father as well and still he goes there to see her, right? Their relation ship may not be as bad as you and his ex’s, but it's not the most enjoyable thing for him either, is it? And as for the Christmas present his daughter buys, that you are complaining she never buys you anything, it almost sounds childish. Why do you have to complain about her not giving you a present but to her mum? And what's so upsetting about her father letting her buy something for her mum? If she has enough budget and if she wants, then she will buy you guys a presents too, but remember, you and her don't live together.
If you can’t make it for his daughter, then can you make it for your husband? If you still don't feel that you can be there for anyone's sake, then it's your choice to stay home, but let your husband go to see her daughter. If you know that he has no feeling for her daughter’s mum, then you should not need to worry about anything. And try arranging something that you can do for him and his daughter separately. Because you not going there means that you and his daughter not spending Christmas together, so she will not feel close enough to you, and I am not sure that is a good thing. However if you want to over come this problems you have with your step daughter and her mum, then someone has to be mature and take the lead. It’s up to you to take it, or to let the other one take it.

2006-12-08 15:33:44 · answer #2 · answered by ono 3 · 1 0

I think it's fine that he bought a gift for the child to get her mom. That's what me and my ex do. (How old is the child BTW?)

But him going over there for Christmas Eve is too much to ask. Why would the new stepdad want him (or you) there? You guys should plan a Christmas of your own.

Explain to him that this is what happens when couples break up and establish new families. He is the one who needs to be mature and realize that and consider your feelings. The mom has a new family and he still has a daughter--so lucky her, she gets two Christmases.

If he wants to have a real Christmas with his daughter, and I agree he should want that, then he should also want one that is not full of stress and resentment and have her over to your place one night near the Holiday and exchange gifts and you can make the traditional dinner and everything.

The question is where is HE going to draw the line......honey, I hate to say this, but you may be in for much more than you bargained for this guy....best of luck to you.

2006-12-08 15:13:56 · answer #3 · answered by kathylouisehall 4 · 1 0

No you don't need to plan your life around your step-daughters, however, there are things you must endure for the sake of the child. Who cares if the ex never buys you a gift, its not about who gets what. This is about what the little girl gets to give her mother from her.

2006-12-08 15:20:44 · answer #4 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 1 0

He is being a good father, give him credit for that. His daughter wanted to give her mother a gift, and he helped her. She probably wants to give her father a gift too. Ask her if her mom has helped; if not offer to take her shopping for his gift.

Go to the Christmas Eve celebration at her house; by doing so, you establish a relationship with her as a co-parent. That would be a good thing, because the daughter is going to be in your life for a long time. You really don't need to communicate with her beyond topics about her daughter.

Let your husband ignore her resentment and show you off!

2006-12-08 15:14:23 · answer #5 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 0 1

Why cant the daughters come to your house if anything just for a visit that may be all he wants your should not be asked to put yourself in the difficult situation. You are not over-reacting you must tell him you will not go that he cold atleast see if she could come to your house alone for Christmas eve then take her back Christmas day. He is being totally unreasonable to do this to you.
If he lets her buy gifts for them then he should also fork up thew cash for her to get you and him something. If the mom and step-dad want gifts from her they should be giving the money not him.
This guy sounds like he is being taken advantage of from this mom of his kid. God Bless and Good Luck.

2006-12-08 15:14:08 · answer #6 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 1 0

What you NEED to be doing, girlfriend, is begin looking into what's going on with your husband and the mother of his child. It's outrageous that this man, now married to YOU, is planning to spend one of the most family orientated days in the year next to Christmas Day, not with you but with the woman he had a child with. That stuff about it being "for the sake of the child" is bullhoggery, and you don't KNOW he has no feelings for the child's mother. All you know is what he is telling you, and if you believe it...pssssst I gotta bridge....
You think they are going to sit there drinking lemonade that night? Hah! There's going to be some alcohol consumed, and a few glasses of vino, or whatever, shared with the woman he has slept with before, adds up to hanky panky in my book.

2006-12-08 15:16:51 · answer #7 · answered by sharmel 6 · 1 0

well- it's odd he wants you guys to hang out with the ex'f family but i guess if they have a good relationship it should be ok but- i know you feel uncomfortable and he should understand and respect that. Don't worry about him letting his daughter buy anyone on her family buy anything it's HER family not yours. Your husband should understand that it's an uncomfrotable sutiation for you and shuold not make you feel like you're being immature about it. It's ok if you guys drop the dauther off so she can have Xmas with her other family but- staying and hanging out with them is a totally different sotry. Since you guys ahve had problems in the past because of the ex even if they were not married she still is the mother if his child and he owes her respect- you should't go if you feel like these people don;t like you. the line is drawn at spending time with the Ex's family. What is he trying to prove? you should have xmas at your family's house not his ex's house. Wow- after reading what everyone else has to say about this it seems like people don;t get the picture. One would really have to be in your shoes to understand. I don't see why he has to hang out with her family. You guys should drop fof the daughters for their sake and do your own thing for xmas or at least take turns each year. I do this with my ex. He has my son for xmas every ontehr guy but not because of that i 'm gonna bring my fiancee to THEIR X-mas party it's jsut uncomfortable for him. You're not overreacting- you just want to keep from having any confrontations with those people and that's normal. Everything else other people arae saying here is stupid seems like the people that are answering this musn't beent through it like you are and i am. Go with your instinct and put your foot down. If you feel uncomforable he should't go anywhere with ot without you knowing you're not welcome there. He has to realize that NOW you guys are married and that he should respect YOUR FEELINGS towards certain things and work around you for YOUR MARRIAGE not just his daughter. The party isn't about you or him it's about the daughter beign able to spend time with her other family and you should talk to him about this. If he dones't listen to you and he goes with the daugther without you- he's not a real man. This just means that he doens't care about what you feel and it's just gonna go downhill from here. Remember- there's lots andlots more Xmas's to come will you guys go through each Xmas with the ex' family? no!!! that's too weird!

2006-12-08 15:12:59 · answer #8 · answered by Ms.Budonkadonk 4 · 0 0

Yes you are being a pain. I know it bothers you, but you are actually interfering with him and his daughter. Never, and I repeat never ever get involved in what the daughter wants to do and him. She has a relationship with her mother and he is caught in between. (before you were in the picture) He needs to handle that situation with his daughter, not you.
You will regret it if you do, and you definately need to let it go and not let it bother you. Your marriage will be doomed if you have a problem with this. Get over it quickly. Has nothing to do with you. About spending Christmas over at the childrens mothers, try it but if you feel uncomfortable, just explain that to him. He should understand and be willing to work around it.

2006-12-08 15:30:35 · answer #9 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 0 1

Just like you are writing in this question, you need to talk to your husband and tell him that you feel uncomfortable with this situation and that you would like to have dinner at home with his daughters and exchange gifts among your immediate family which now is YOU! is very difficult to do it and it takes a lot of work!! humble your self but let him know your feeling if you come at him in a nice way he will see that you are not trying to be hateful or mean but that you love him and want to work something out! and don't worry if they don't buy you a present you go out and buy them one, make them feel like there is nothing wrong with you don't allow them to control you but control them by showing LOVE like I said its not easy but it could be accomplish!!!!! your husband will see how nice and kind you are and will want to do things different!!! Romance is the key to everything!!! Work it out TALK is the best thing to do!!!!!

2006-12-08 15:19:02 · answer #10 · answered by Leslie F 1 · 1 0

Since he is no longer with his daughters mom, he should learn to respect your wishes. He can be around the daughter anytime, just not necessarily the mom!! Tell him the daughter can be you guys xmas eve and then she can be with her mom and the family on xmas day. You and him should not have to be there for anyones sake!

2006-12-08 15:13:30 · answer #11 · answered by marisanj 5 · 1 0

fedest.com, questions and answers