I am married and have a serious crush on someone - what do I DO?

Question

I am married (8 years) and have a 3 year old son. I am VERY attracted to someone OTHER than my husband and I am SOOOOOOOOOO confused. I want to know what I should do, as I have NEVER been in this situation before. I do NOT know if the person I have a crush on feels the way I do or not. Thanks for your input.

Answer 1

Asking this question shows you are a disciplined, considerate person who looks before they leap. Very smart.

First, I would accept that being married doesn't mean being dead. You are bound to be attracted to other people just as your husband is because the two of you are human and it happens. What's important here is what you choose to do about your feelings.

If I were you, I would decide what was more important - maintaining my stable marriage and family life or pursuing a crush I'm not even sure would lead into a stable relationship at the risk of hurting my husband, and most importantly, my son. You may want to consider that your son derives a feeling of security and safety from his parents' togetherness, a stability which offers the best chance for his strong psychological development. How you choose to act will also set an example for the choice you would like him to make as an adult in a similar situation.

Another consideration: When and/or if your husband developed a crush on someone else, how would you want him to behave? The golden rule applies here: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

Blessings and I wish you the best.

Answer 2

Many people at one time or another are atracted to some else other then their spouse, this feeling needs to be discarded due to the fact that you have a husband, !! if he had a crush on someone, am sure you would feel broken hearted and would want to leave him, especially if he was acting or contemplating the though of acting on it...**also bring to mind that you have a 3 year old that probably loves mom & dad as one... to ruin your marriage for someone else that probably will think of you as a hussy after all, men don't respect woman that put them selfs out there for the grab especially when married!! Stop and think of the damage you will cause your husband and child... but if you don't and you act on it because you are selfish then go for it and see how everything that you have worked for, can get destroy over a crsuh!!! thats why its called a crush because it will crush the ones the really love you!
Stop***** Think*******!!!!! Before you act..... Do things right !!!! Your family deserves that!!! If you didn't love your spouse you shouldn't of had Kids thats why now in days kids grow up with no morals we tell our kids don't drink,smoke, have sex be nice... and for some reason we do it and think that are kids are not watching is amazing what kids know,, believe it when I say that your kid watches you and will grow up to be like you, what we say to our kids is important but what we do is what really counts,, I know I have a 13yr old!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

Crushes come and go, that is why they are crushes and not Love. The one thing you did not mention is how you currently feel about your husband, are there issues in the marriage? Could you be transferring feelings because there is something lacking in your marriage? You really need to take a hard look at your feelings and determine why you are "crushing " on this other individual. Is it that he in some way represents things that you feel you currenlty lack in your relationship? IS there way to obtain these things in a less destructive manner? When you chose to have a child with your husband you took on a huge commitiment. If there are no serious issues in your current relationship, what are you teaching your child by breaking your vow? It could be that your feelings are so strong right now because you don't really know the object of your desire. Enjoy the fantasy, but know that the reality of a strong loving marriage is much better than a transitory fling.

Answer 4

The fact that you are married says it all. Although there is someone else whom you like and maybe feel something strong for makes no difference. You have two responsibilities. The first is to your son who depends on you for love and support. The second is your husband who loves you and is devoted to you and supports you. To leave your husband or divorce him just so you can be weith someone whom you don't know and who may not even like you makes no sense. If you throw away your marriage you will regret it the rest of your life. You should remember always that the grass always looks greener on the other side but too often if you get to the other side it doesn't look so green after all. Think about it.

Answer 5

In the same situation but I acted on mine...Leave it alone. If your still in love with your huband don't mess that up by steppin out. It starts off very friendly but eventually someone catches feeling if not both of you and you have serious situation..Like for me right now. I want to leave my husband now and see what happens. It's scary because I have two young children. Things between my husband and myself are not the same. Keep it as a crush.

Good Luck

It's not worth it

Answer 6

I think the other two answers are harsh...I am in the same situation, except I'm the one my friend is crushing on. He has a wife and all, but their relationship is on the rocks and has been since before we met!! Just because you are married doesn't mean you may feel unfufilled or unhappy. You need to look at it objectively and weigh all options and situations, if you find you really care about the other person then you may be best to leave your husband, because you can't give him your everything if theres someone else....just think hard about it, and if it comes down to you and your husband seperating there is always ways to make it work between you two so your son still has a mommy and daddy. Good luck and I hope you find the answer you're looking for!!!

Answer 7

Infidelity is a harsh reality unfortunately. How would you feel if your husband pursued a secret crush of his own? Not very well I would think. The best thing you can do is stay away from this other person and avoid all contact. A fling is not worth your marriage and your child. If you do allow yourself to harbor feelings for this other guy, then I would do some soul searching to see why you are searching outside of the bonds of marriage for something you should have already.

Answer 8

What does it matter if your crush feels the same way as you do or not? You are married and it sounds to me like you are in a rut. You need to do something to spice up your marriage. Perhaps your man is feeling neglected by his wife who is busy mooning over somebody else so he starts looking at somebody else. Imagine if it was your husband that has a crush on someone else and then imagine that person liked your husband too...You seriously need to look at your hubby in a different way...a new way. Do somethinbg you have not done with your man in a long time, or do something fun and new with him.

Answer 9

Keep it as that a crush. Don't jeopardize your marriage or your family. Think of your three year old. What if you gave in to the crush and your husband found out? If he left, then your child would miss his father from the home when he has him there every night now.

Answer 10

Oh man, did you ask for it. All those feelings you have for this new person, use that energy to rekindle your marriage. Since you don't know or don't remember, I will remind you that once you commit to marriage and have a child, you have decided that there are more important things in life than your feelings, like the life and development of your child and the world he depends on. That world is your marriage. A child's whole world revolves around your relationship with your husband. You must do everything you can to make that world a positive influence on your child. The rest of his life depends on you ability to set aside your feelings of selfishness for only a few years and dedicate your life to them.