I am a christian and come from a very conservative family. I am 30, but had been living with my mom, I am now engaged. My family does not agree with my relationship nor will they accept my fiance'. Reason being: He is divorced with two teenage children. But he is a christian. They have not gotten to know him to know his true character but are instead taking the word of others. What should I do?
2006-12-08 06:28:57 · 37 answers · asked by pudderhon 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Don't worry about your family. you get married and have a nice time. Either they come around to reason or they don't.
2006-12-08 06:33:00 · answer #1 · answered by Tom B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Any man is gonna suck in the eyes of your parents. You are their "perfect" lil girl and no one is going to make them happy, period.
As far as your fiance, I'm not sure how long you've known the guy, but what do you mean by "He is a Christian".
Not knocking the guy for going to church(I do too), but a thief who accepts Christ is a Christian, as well as a Pastor. Religion is a philosophy, not a character trait. It's a pretty wide track of extremes. Make sure this guy is halfway decent before throwing caution to the wind. Maybe the word of others is correct. Nothing sucks worse than the " I told ya so" from your mom, well other than showing up to "your" church and seeing that lying prick with another girl and acting like a Saint while ya know whatta fool he played you for...um, sorry, the Turets Syndrome took over.
Anyhoo, slow down, eventually they WILL come to know the TRUE him, and you will to. Best of luck
2006-12-08 06:49:46 · answer #2 · answered by johnburroughs 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is truly truly only based on his siutation then just ignore them, they will come around eventually. Parents are going to try to protect you even if you're 50, so they just don't want you to be in a situation that they know can get sticky. When you take someone on who has kids, you're taking on their children, their children's parent and grandparents. Its just alot of stress on a relationship that they would probably rather you avoid, but it doesn't mean the relationship is doomed . Also, if you have kids with him, then your kids will be getting to see their dad all the time, while his only see him once in a while, your kids will have a two parent home, his will not, your kids will get one parenting style, while his kids get a different one. His guilt over the break up his first family might make him slack on parental duites with those kids, there's just a lot of possible discourse. I think if you have truly looked into all of the possible outcomes of marrying him and you're still cool with it, then go for it. Just understand their probably just coming from a place of wanting you to have a nice easy happily ever after life.
2006-12-08 06:34:10 · answer #3 · answered by Princess~C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl, go on with your life and don't worry about what your family says. Obviously this man is a man of good standards and morals. He is divorced but he is taking care of kids. I think that your family wants you to get someone THEY want and not someone YOU want. YOU choose who YOU want to fall in love with...and it has nothing to do with anyone else. If they don't accept your fiance' by the time you guys are married, I would just cut them out of my life. I would not risk my happiness with some I love, just because my family doesn't like them. Well I have to go.
Good Luck
Do the right thing!
2006-12-08 06:33:08 · answer #4 · answered by ♥Chocol@t3 K!$$3$♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would give your family the respect they're not giving you or your new man and consider their reasons against the relationship. If none of them are reasonable or justified, ignore them and move on with your man. If any of them cause you some concern, decide if you can still move on with our man in spite of those reasons.
Ultimately, we're talking about your life and your future family. These are your choices. Friends and family can offer opinions, but they don't make your choices. You do.
If you're sure you know what your getting into, go for it! Just be mindful of things like rules for the kids, rules for the house, how your opinions fit into things, what your & your future husbands expcectations of marriage are and how the new kids (and potentially 'new' kids) fit into things.
Have all the important discussions up front. Consider everything and make your choice.
Best of Luck!
2006-12-08 06:38:03 · answer #5 · answered by bionicbookworm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see your dilemma. Not cause Ive been in the situation, but cause I understand the importance of family and marriage. Ultimately, I think you should marry him, if you know that he is truly good for you. But honestly, our family(assuming they are good decent thoughtful people) oftentime know whats best for us. They know us better than anyone and can say who is good for us and who isnt. Remember, they know you better than anyone and have been with you the longest(your whole life). I think its very important to take their opinion and really consider it. This is important if you really value your family traditions, values, practices etc. Remember, in other cultures arranged marriages function quite well. Precisely because the families choose someone compatible with the son/daughter.(I dont believe in arranged marriage BTW)
Now, if your family doesnt care about you, or are incosiderate and unreasonable, then maybe you shouldnt put so much weight on their approval.
2006-12-08 06:38:08 · answer #6 · answered by linguist 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might be that they are concerned you will not have any children yourself. It might be because he is much older.
"The word of others" - is there truth to what these people are saying? I just wonder if you are blind to the facts.
Sometimes parents are overprotective, yes, but sometimes people see things more clearly than you do.
Who can read the label on a jar better, someone inside, or someone outside?
2006-12-08 06:32:19 · answer #7 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't listen to them. I've given up on family advice a long time ago after using there really bad advice. Get married move on and you may have to forget about your family to start a new one! When you're married you'll understand better what I'm talking about
2006-12-08 06:32:44 · answer #8 · answered by Monet 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all do respect your family and talk to them in a proper way and secondly make them understand that u like this guy with 92 resn behind ...
you are 30 ur mature enough to find ur way go ahead take care of his kids and care for you fiance' with the passage ov time your family and his family will come to know about your relationship
2006-12-08 06:33:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should love your parents and respect them but I think you should tell your family to butt out of your relationship. (Of course say it in a better way) Ensure them that if you need emotional support they will be the first ones to know. More likely they're just looking out for you and want you to have the best. You should just talk to them about it and pray over it. You'll be fine. If it's meant to be it will be no matter who supports you. If he's for you eventually they'll love him too.
2006-12-08 07:35:08 · answer #10 · answered by TONYA P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your life, your decision, and you will reap the benefits or pay the consequences of that decision.
You are 30 years old... time to make your own way in life. While having your parents blessing may be important, the way I look at it is: I will spend the rest of my life with my spouse, my parents will be gone someday.. .
- if I spend my whole time trying to live my life to make them happy... then what's to happen when they are gone?
- Will my spouse be there for me when my parents are no longer here?
Trust me... it's your life to live, and they will be the ones missing out as your pending marriage (and your family) develops and grows old together.
Christians are taught about forgiveness and repentance.
Your parents are showing neither.
2006-12-08 06:36:11 · answer #11 · answered by rollng_thundr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋