I have turned to you guys, with two previous questions now, about my daughters best friend. She is 9 yrs old, and is left to walk home alone, out to the country, passing a train station, and various other places, which make her vulnerable. Then down a very remote country road, surrounded by fields, and forest. I gave her a lift last night, as i was not aware till then, and i was worried for her. She asked to come for tea tonight, there is a reason, but don`t want to say too much, but the children are due somewhere, and we said we would take them, (including her) as i don`t think her mum was willing to go, little girl asked us to take her. It is outside, so the kids were told to wrap up warm, and this little girl, had only a summer skirt, and ankle socks in her bag, it is freezing out there! My daughter is smaller than her, so i could not offer her to lend her some jeans. They have gone now to the venue, with my hubby, but i am worried about her.
2006-12-08 06:09:42 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Basically, i am just worried about this girl, but do not want to report anyone, or anything. She told my daughter she is scared of her mum. What the hell do you do? I really feel for her.
2006-12-08 06:10:53 · update #1
Her mum was happy with me taking her home last night.
2006-12-08 06:12:27 · update #2
If she is at the same school as your children have a word with the head teacher,voice your concerns. all schools have depts that deal with this now
2006-12-08 09:37:26 · answer #1 · answered by patsy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You really need to inform somebody about this. The girl is scared of her mother, she walks a path home which doesn't sound fit for an adult alone at night and the girl is wearing clothes which are unfit for the weather? Its neglect and alarm bells would be ringing if i were you.
I understand that reporting it would be seen, by some people, as interfering; by others it would be seen as concern. I i would tend to look at it this way. I would rather have the guilt of causing an investigation into the mother's parenting techniques on my conscience than the guilt of knowing that something happened to that girl and i did nothing about it.
I was in a similar situation not long back and i found the local police to be really helpful with advice about my options and the consequences of opting for the various possibilities. Why don't you try there and if they feel that it's warranted ask social services to get involved.
Bravo you for the concern by the way, too many kids die these days because everyone sat around and did nothing to help as they were scared of being seen as the busy body from next door.
Good luck with the dilemma
2006-12-08 14:27:29 · answer #2 · answered by Atlanta 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I only saw the second question, not the first. You as another mother know in your heart of hearts that something is wrong here. You MUST act on those feelings. We, here, cannot help. You need to get in touch with Social Services or the school. Personally, i would go to the school on Monday - not take no for an answer, see the Head or Head of Year or Class Teacher and say that you are seriously concerned. If they do not seem to take it on board then contact Social Services.
I had to do this once and they will investigate, but it is probable that the mother will find out that it is you who contacted them.
Alternatively, will your hubby bring both kids back to yours before you take this child home? If so, go with him back to mums house and see if you can get invited inside so you can see what home is like. If you feel she won't ask you in, then get your daughter to ask to use the loo or start a coughing ft and ask for a glass of water.
However, plenty of kids live in affluent circumstances and are still neglected or abused. Act on your mother's instinct.
If you dont, and something happens, you will have to live with it.
Please let us know how this turns out.
Faith x
2006-12-08 14:33:55 · answer #3 · answered by Caroline 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Shalama your last sentence kind of says her mother is not really worried one way or the other and from what you said in the first part of your letter rather disturbs me with all the weirdos out there i think i have to say to you go ahead and speak to social services she wont know because if you don't a disaster is just round the corner and how will you feel by holding back. Now the reason for her clothes may be its a money problem but to let her walk home as you decribe thats where it gets serious so dont delay Shalama get to S/S straight away you'll be doing a good citizens duty Good luck !!!!! (John )
2006-12-08 14:28:25 · answer #4 · answered by srracvuee 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are obviously a very caring person, not a busy body. you are not going to much like what i advise, but please - find the courage within you!
you really need to contact social services! it can be anonymous, you don't have to disclose any information to reveal your identity. if you explain your reasons to the social worker, they will do everything in their power to protect your rights of anonminity.
this child is at risk for one reason or another. if social services are aware, they can work with the child and her family to improve their situation throughout. it doesn't necessarily mean the girls mother is a 'bad' parent, it means there may be underlying problems (such as depression, alcohol abuse - whatever) that is clouding the womans judgement. this parent needs help and support to recognise how vulnerable the child/children are, but to also realise that help is there for her too.
THE LAST THING SOCIAL SERVICES WILL DO IS REMOVE THE CHILD FROM THE HOME. this will only happen as a very last resort - if the parents are inco-operative with help offered, and this would be a very long way along the road. social services recognise that, wherever possible, children are better off being in thei own home with heir family.
now, i'm not saying social services don't remove children - they do and i know that. all i'm saying is that it only really happens when all else fails.
this is obviously playing on your mind. report it and (try) to let it go. its too much responsibilty for you. you really need to let trained people investigate what is REALLy happening, because if you don't, your own family could end up being embroiled in something difficult!
good luck, please do the right thing............ don't be afraid!
(p.s - if possible, if your Husband has to escort the child anywhere, please try to go with him too. i'm not trying to scare you, but i think it would be the sensible thing to do. even as a childcare worker, i have to try and ensure that i am not left alone with children, because it leaves the adult in a VERY vulnerable position).
2006-12-08 14:29:46 · answer #5 · answered by lillyflower 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well your a mom your self. And I'm sure there is something that you sense is very wrong. If I were you I would go to the little girls house and makeup some excuse that you want to take her and your daughter to the fair or something and that you need to talk to her mom to be able to get her consent in letting her go. And once you go check out your self if the mom and the environment that she lives is is OK. And if you get a bad feeling I would report her. Why because you don't know if there something bad going on in this child's life. And you might be helping her out. BUT if your wrong will no one needs to know that it was you.
2006-12-08 14:17:15 · answer #6 · answered by trish 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've got to do what's best for the little girl which is to file a report with social services - she may even be on their register if other people have been worried about her. If you're not comfortable about speaking to social services you could speak to her teacher at school. They may have noticed something wrong with her situation and they can report it. Don't brush it under the carpet - it's better to be safe than sorry.
2006-12-08 15:25:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is so sad, Just reading it makes me worry for the poor little girl and I don't even know her but I think you should be brave and confront the girls parents, but be diplomatic and think carefully about what you are going to say in a way that wont offend them... Just remember to add that you are a mother and this little girl could be your own child... just be really symphethtic, but you have to do something because she does seem really vulnerable...Gosh It's so surprising that some mothers don't seem to care....i mean this girl is only 9 years old!
2006-12-08 14:17:57 · answer #8 · answered by sum2000mayyah 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be there as much as you can for this girl. Unfortunatly you will never be able to replace her mother.
You should at least make the school aware of your fears for her, they are actually trained to assess these situations and can make the necessary reports you need not be involved in the process.
If you do nothing and something where to happen to her you would never forgive yourself.
2006-12-08 15:08:34 · answer #9 · answered by rebecca x 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not being a busybody. Do what you must do to help this little girl. No child should have to live in fear and neglect, if child services can do better for her then that's the way to go. Clearly her mum needs help or counseling. Find out what's troubling her or her family then make your decision. God bless you.
2006-12-08 14:23:54 · answer #10 · answered by Dream Angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what you feel or think. Contact someone that can check into the situation.
It may be something like the family is having money problems or it could be something worse.
I don't think I'd be able to sleep at night knowing that someone I personally knew had tried to reach out in a small way and I didn't help.
Just my thought though, do what you feel is right for you.
2006-12-08 14:16:55 · answer #11 · answered by PK 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋