What is it with soon-to-be Ex Husbands??

Question

I am getting a divorce from my husband of almost 9yrs, and he is being a total jerk!! I had to get a restraining order against him because he was becoming violent when I told him that I wanted out of this joke of a marriage. Well, now it is 7 months later and he has a new girlfriend that is having a child that is not his, and he has the gall to send one of his coworkers to my house at 11:30 at night to 'see how I am doing'??? I know my ex sent him here, so my question is, has anyone else dealt with this and if so, how did you get your ex to finally leave you alone and accept the fact he is beating a dead horse????

Answer 1

OK when he sends someone over at night to check up on you, tell the person (through the door) you're fine and please don't come back to check on you or they'll find themselves also on the restraining order. Then file a police report. Get their name if you know it, or at least their plate number.
Put a video camera at your front door? Might be good to protect you. If you are in serious danger just keep going to the police. I know it sucks but you've got to do what you've got to do.

Answer 2

I'd say that whether he stays the night or not is up to you entirely. If he doesn't have the proper setting and environment for your daughter at his place yet still wants to spend time with her, I'd say that it would be okay for him to sleep on the couch. Although if he lives close enough he could just leave when she goes to bed and come back in the morning so you two don't get your relationship confused. As far as doing things with him and your daughter, that's a good thing that he still wants that. If the divorce is uncontested than he's obviously not trying to get back into your life in a romantic capacity. But your daughter is going to need to see you two as having a friendly relationship even if you aren't in love with each other anymore. It's just up to the two of you if you actually go through with it. Good luck!

Answer 3

I got divorced almost 3 years ago, and it still has not stopped. I thought once he met someone else, it would stop, but it didnt. I thought once I remarried it would stop, but that just made it worse. There are some men out there, that just seem to see you as a possession, and wont move on.

Do the most you can legally, restraining order is you need one to make the point it wont be tolerated. If he continues sending people he knows over, tell them they are to tell him to stop, use the embarrasment factor. If its possible, move and dont tell him where. Once your divorced, your life is no longer his buisness, so stand firm.

I cant say it will work, none of its worked for me, but we have children together, so there is only so much I can do.

Answer 4

Do you have a child with him? If you do, for the sake of the child you both need to be there for said child and quit fighting. If no child is involved, then move on and just ignore him. If he is violent, get a restraining order and follow through. If he has a girlfriend, he already has moved on. When it's over it's over.

Answer 5

My wife had been hanging out with a bunch of femnazis who'd convinced her that she didn't NEED a man in her life. We'd been married for almost three years and out of the blue announced she was divorcing me. I was never asked how I felt about anything. It was all dictated to me. Later, I found that she'd been seeing a 30 year old guy who was STILL living at home with his mother. The judge told me I'd make a lousy father because I'm a man and that I was in the military. He gave her full custody. Three months later, she abandoned our two year old son. It took me three years of fighting to get him back.
You mentioned that your marriage was a joke but never gave any details. Prehaps he's hurt or angry. Divorce is ugly. No two ways about it. I don't believe in it, but I also recognize that you can't force someone to stay in a marriage if they don't want to. You two need to sit down and have an honest to goodness discussion, putting it all out on the table. Sadly, some people will never be honest or think with a clear head. They're too wrapped up in "self."

Answer 6

First of all...good luck. I've been divorced from my 1st husband for 6 years and we are both remarried....how ever he still is trying to 'rule' me now that my husband is over seas.
With your situation... it sounds like his guilty conscious is finally getting to him...unless he is malicious.
Break all contact with him. Do not answer the door or pick up the phone when one of his cronies comes a calling....and do not give into your own anger. Use kindness as your first option...it'll wreck him if you are being sweet and demure and he is being malicious, controlling and trying to keep 'tabs' on you with his friends and it will look horrible to the judge. Record everything and keep it for the judge. See if your lawyer can amend the restraining order to include stopping him from making his friends comes over for him.
good luck.

Answer 7

Just continue doing what you are doing and ignore the soon to be ex. It will make it much easier for you in divorce court if you are not showing aggression and just trying to move on. He comes by or sends people by then you can call the police if you feel you are in any sort of danger....a few arrests and it may stop.

Answer 8

Tell his friend to mind his own business and to spread that you're over it and will get a restraining order against anybody having anything to do with your husband and whom he sends to approach you. Make sure to list all these incidents with getting the restraining orders. Good luck!

Answer 9

Cut off any contact, this means don't answer the phone if its him, and if you meet him face to face, don't speak, turn and go the other way. If he gets no reinforcement he will stop. If he sends someone to check on you who is not somebody u don't want to see, just say through the door who is it, and I'm busy now.
He is sending somebody over there to see if you have another man in there. This is an old trick.

Answer 10

As long as he's abiding by the restraining order, you're ok there. As for that co worker, you should of gotten in his face, set him straight and sent him on his way and told him don't ever pull something like that with you again.