My husband stays sober for months, however every once in a while he has the urge to drink, leaves the house for a few days to party, and when the party is over he's crying how he made a mistake and I always take him back. But now I'm tired of his routine, I love him, but I don't want to be used as a door mat. I want him to stop drinking and he does for a few months but then gets the urge and really goes on a drinking binge. Any suggestions?
2006-12-08 05:44:12 · 26 answers · asked by FEDUP!! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Prepare to be gone the next time he goes on a binger. Tell him ahead of time that if he does it one more time it will be the end of the marriage. He won't believe you as you have already showed him that you will continually take him back. OR you could have the locks changed.
2006-12-08 05:54:07 · answer #1 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I am in your same situation. My husband has to do everything with a beer. But I can say that he never leaves for a few days to party. However, you can't help someone stop, they have to WANT to do it. Now, if he knows he made a "mistake", don't you think that he would want to fix the problem. If he truly loves you, he would see how unhappy you are and realize what he needs to do. I know you love him, because that's what I ALWAYS say. But you also have to think about diseases out there that he may possibly bring home to you if he's gone for a "few days" to "party" (we've all heard of Girls Gone Wild, you see what they do on those dvd's). Maybe try to find something that you both can do together that could steer him in the other direction to not drink. I wish you nothing but the best. Good Luck!!
2006-12-08 06:31:16 · answer #2 · answered by christy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Darlin, I would have to say that regardless of how long he goes without drinking, he is an alcoholic. As long as you keep enabling him to do as he pleases at the time he decides to do it, it will never stop.
You are going to have to decide what you want for the rest of your life. It is a hard decision to make, but one that will benefit you the most. Life is too short to be constantly dealing with never knowing when the next binge will happen. Maybe if you actually do something to keep him from coming back the next time, he will get the picture. Sometimes it doesn't matter what we do to try and wake them up, they never seem to realize the problem.
I have been there with an ex and I know how heart breaking it can be. We just have to finally realize enough is enough, and get on with our life. There are programs out there that can help you both. Alcoholics Anonymous is just one of many.
2006-12-08 05:56:59 · answer #3 · answered by jerrycarr99029 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. He need professional help. 2. you keep taking him back your feeding into his bads habits.3.get a restraing order that he abused you in his drinking, then with court order have seek help through hospitals, working on farms, a small boot camps where they must say sober,4. then have a doctors evaluate him if he alright to be at home. 5. leaving it alone cause more anger, fustration, and could lead to someone getting severly hurt, or death.6. you don,t need cops up your @ss 24/7.7. I hope you don,t have kids cause it bad to see an acolholic fight with there mom.8.Tired of the same shits do somethings if you love him.9. I see you need a loving person a provider, and a good husband. 10.HONEY if you going to live a miserable life dump the bastards , cause no womens should live in fear rather he going to alright or dead drunks.
2006-12-08 06:05:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's hard! Follow your heart and I'm not saying put up with it, I'm saying only you know how to help your self here and you need to start caring about you first for awhile...
I do have a suggestion you could move out; if you own the house or own it with him pack his stuff and tell him you're serious this time and there are no more changes, He or you need to move out temporary - take a break and gather eachothers prespectives.... This is only going to turn on the burned out lights (for him)... Or Burn new ones out (for you)... "It will make you or break you"- the marriage! You might learn something about yourself and really realize you don't want or need this and you may want to quit all together or you might say o.k. and you might realize he needs the help of AA and try one more time again.... But the time away from one another will clear things up...
Good luck, hope all turns out the way you want them to once you find out what that is.... Best wishes for you....
2006-12-08 06:02:08 · answer #5 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My father is an alcoholic and that is why my mom divorced him...He cannot be all that sorry if he keeps doing this partying for days. So do not let him use you like a door mat.
My Mom could not make my father stop drinking, no one can make someone stop drinking, alcohism is a disease and he needs serious help and he has to be committed to getting that help, if not, he and his stuff should be on the door mat outside your door.
2006-12-08 05:49:24 · answer #6 · answered by Mechelle C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Quit giving in to him.He does this because you let him.He knows there will be no consequence for his mistake because you will keep taking him back. Stand firm with him and don't let him off the hook anymore.And don't take any excuses from him.He can quit permiatly if he wants to he just doesn't want to.I speak from experience here my Father was a drinker for over 30 years and never stopped because everyone would make excuses for him.Everyone except me that is.I cut all ties with him and refused to allow him to my wedding.I called him out about his behavior and about the abusive way he treated all of us.I made it clear to him he had no family left if he didn't stop.He poured his vodka bottle down the drain that day and has been sober for almost 15 years now.So you see they only exhibit these behaviors when they are allowed to.As for you hubby if he won't do this one simple thing for you he isn't worth wasting your life on.My poor mother tried for years to keep her marriage to my father going because she thought it was her duty to keep the family together and all she ended up doing was wasting 30 years of her life on a drunk.It isn't worth wasting your life and ruining your personal happiness over someone who rather cuddle up to a bottle than you.Best of luck.
2006-12-08 08:13:52 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs AA. And you need to stop enabling this behavior. He knows that you will take him back no matter what he does. If he is gone for days at a time, how do you know he's not screwing prostitutes. He could bring you home a "present" you don't want.
Next time he does it, while he's gone have the locks changed and tell him he needs to go elsewhere until he can get his stuff together.
2006-12-08 06:32:37 · answer #8 · answered by Jane 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I put up with that crap for years from my first husband. Trust me, they will either completely stop, or they will steadily get worse. Tell him the next time he pulls that little stunt... dont come back home, EVER!!! Think about it, when they are off drunk there is no telling what they are doing! He could bring an STD home to you. Good Luck to you. I hope things work out for the best.
2006-12-08 05:49:27 · answer #9 · answered by I know, I know!!!! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him that the next time he disappears on a drinking binge that he is not welcome to come home. And then follow through.
Help him through kicking his habit completely - no more drinking at all - ever. When I say "help" I mean support, because you can't do it for him. If he won't take the lead, you cannot help him.
2006-12-08 05:52:34 · answer #10 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋