A little history. Last year, I caught my then fiance in a HUGE lie. I wont go into details, but lets just say it was a whopper of a lie, and it came out in a very public way. It was explainable, and forgivable, and I have been able to re-build my trust in him, as he has given me access to email, and he is always where he says he will be, and has earned back my full trust.
We married in October, and over the last two weeks, I have began to worry. I am noticing small lies, very insignificant.
My question is, are the little insignificant lies a tell-tale sign he is hiding something else, or is he testing me to see what he can get away with? Do I confront him with the small lies, or just keep my mouth shut?
Overall, he is a Fantastic man, and great step father to my kids, but this issue is bugging me.
2006-12-08 05:40:57 · 20 answers · asked by sweetie_baby 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That "bugging you" feeling is your intuition.Heed its warning.
2006-12-08 05:44:33 · answer #1 · answered by Mark K 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lying... I think that he's testing you, and if you want him to be serious then you sould let him know that that in order for that relationship to survive then there can't be ANY lies doesn't matter if they are insignificant. Once you tell a lie, you'll have to tell another to support the first, and so on. They'll keep building up until someone could get hurt and we don't want that. I don't mean pick a fight with him but if he's overly defensive he may be hiding something other than the little lies that you notice...
2006-12-08 13:48:58 · answer #2 · answered by Pryceless 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, little lies are designed to protect people from the truth. Sometimes they really aren't a big deal (i.e. no that doesn't make your butt look huge, sure I'd love to watch Steel Magnolias again, yes that (shudder) baby is so cute etc) and there is no real use in telling the truth.
However, lies are a habit - when people tell them to get some advantage and get away with it, they become embolded and keep doing it. If he is for instance telling you he was at the grocery store when in fact he was at the book store - is the truth painful? No - but why lie? What was the point? Some people just do it.
2006-12-08 13:47:37 · answer #3 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lucky you, many women in my country cannot find a decent man to take up the role of a responsible step father.Anyway, a lie is a lie, whether small or 'whopper of them". You have forgiven him before, guest what? History is repeating it's self.
I suggest that you confront him with the lies he have told you, you do not want to accuse him of lying when he is no.Talk to him in a calm and humble manner.
2006-12-08 13:54:32 · answer #4 · answered by Rosie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would talk to him and tell him your concerns. I wouldn't let him get away with the little lies because they may add up to something bigger in the future. Given the past history (and I don't know what he did) I would think he would be very careful about not telling the full truth at all times. I hope that he isn't trying to see if he can start getting away with bigger lies again. I would say you definitely need to talk to him about your concern.
2006-12-08 13:44:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I do not believe there are insignificant lies. If he will lie about insignificant things imagine what he would do about big things...?....?hmmm?
Is he lying to you or is it everybody and anybody? Does he have a problem that he can't control on his own? I would bring this up with him in a non-confontational way, perhaps he needs help. If that is the case make sure and support him and defintely make sure he gets help.
2006-12-08 13:49:44 · answer #6 · answered by Angie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think so. I think he is maybe getting a little relaxed with information. Nothing major, but if it concerns you; you should point it out. Don't make a big deal about it and choose the best time to bring it up. Just make him aware of it and that it bothers you.
Could be those little lies just may be a lack of information to completely explain what he is saying. Probably nothing to it, but it's obviously bothering you so look into to it. You will feel better either way.
2006-12-08 13:45:12 · answer #7 · answered by Wondrin Dude 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Doesn't sound like he has your full trust again and that is totally okay. He probably doesn't deserve it. I don't think the little lies are covering up something bigger, but they are going to lead to something bigger if you don't nip them in the bud right now. Tell him it's unexceptable and he knows better. He might have lost a little respect for you because you forgave him for something that you admitted was huge. He needs to respect you and be completely honest with you or it's just not worth the stress.
2006-12-08 13:50:53 · answer #8 · answered by graybear 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some people (and I don't know your husband, so not sure if it applies to him or not) are compulsive liars. It's not just the big things. They can lie about the smallest things (what they had for lunch,etc). I don't necessarily think that it means he's hiding something big, but it could be he can't stop himself and may not even realize that he's saying untruths. Keep an eye on the behavior and bring it to his attention if things seem to be escalating. Good luck!
2006-12-08 13:45:28 · answer #9 · answered by samthecatrocks 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, if the problem was in emails he was sending then I hate to tell you that he can give you access to his main email and open a free yahoo email account to continue with his ways.
2006-12-08 13:50:35 · answer #10 · answered by Cyber Stalker 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Call him on the lies I would do. Just to let him know that you are still in control and wont put up with it.
2006-12-08 13:44:17 · answer #11 · answered by sdexcalibur 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋