Cocaine, alcohol and my daughter. I don't know what to do.?

Question

Our daughter, whom we love dearly, clearly has a drinking problem. She has already received 2 underage drinking tickets and on her 20th birthday ran into a bridge and got a DUI. In her apartment above her kitchen cupboards she collects empty alcohol bottles (there are tons of them). When she comes home occasionally she seems like she has a chip on her shoulder and is just in and out. She used to bring her dogs over but doesn't do that anymore. She has a cat that she used to just love but said she wants to get rid of him. She mentioned to our other daughter that her nose hurt because she did some cocaine. There is a guy who is known to do cocaine. When we questioned her, she denied it. We are soooooooo worried. She's going down a road that's bad. She has been state ordered to attend alcohol classes and is going to them. She really is a wonderful caring person normally, but we don't know who this "new" person is. Please give us some advice. Our hearts are so heavy with despair.

Answer 1

Well my heart goes out to you. She needs to want to help herself before you can help her. I can only imagine what you must be going through. My kids are still young yet, 5, 2, 1, and I pray that the day like you are having never comes. If she is attending the classes, she is obviously on the right track. Telling her that you don't like what she has become might only make her defensive. support her and way that you can and if she refuses help sometimes you need to let them hit rock bottom and learn that they need help themselves - no matter how much that will hurt as we strive to protect our children.

Good luck and hope she can find the strength in her to get the help she needs! God Bless!

Answer 2

Try finding a tough love support group and maybe think about doing an intervention for her. That would require you contacting and interventionist and finding her suitable INPATIENT care at a facility preferrably out of state. She needs to be away from the influences here and out of her comfort zone. If she refuses, you toughen up and refuse to take her calls until she gets help. She's an adult now, the only thing you can do is give the problem back to her with some options on how to deal with it and see what happens. I REALLY hope she is open to getting well.

BTW, at alcohol classes through the county or state, all you do is meet other drug and alcohol addicts, so it is not enough.

Answer 3

gosh.. i'm so sorry for u. i don't know what it would be like to have something happen to ur daughter! i always worry that when i have kids, how do i teach them to learn Values and choose the right path??? so many factors, bad friends, etc, that can "mess up" what u were trying to protect ur kids from.

what i can tell u is that she is obviously going to deny deny deny. she is in denial that she has a problem. but she also knows that she is doing something wrong, which is why she is hiding it from u. it may be a state of Rebellion of always being a typically "good kid". also, if she has never really been a Confident strong person, she may feel that she is "cool" now and making her "own decisions" even tho obviously they are wrong.

if i were u, i might sit her down and talk with her as an adult (she is 20.. that is old enough). i would tell her that yes she is growing up and ur not alwasy goign to be there to take care of her or 'tell her what to do'. however, it is important to know and be able to Trust that she will make good decisions for herself.. if she doesn't, then you have no choice BUT to distrust her, and think she needs help, or even supervision. she will probably protest, but just be calm, and say "hey, i WANT u to be independent and on ur own, u are living in ur apartment, i wnat u to have a great life and be happy. but u are getting in trouble w/ the police and getting caught drunk driving and u could be responsible for an accident, and then u are proving that u can't take care of urself". she needs to learn what Responsibiltiy is. and Respect for her body and future.

if worst comes to worst, u can try an intervention. but i believe sometimes u need to let her know u are Disappointed, but haven't GIVEN UP on her yet. that u know she has a chance to make her own decisions and to do the right thing. it's gonna be hard, but she can do it and u trust her to be strong enough. only She is the one who will prove to you that she can't do it, and u won't have any choice but to stage an intervention. good luck

Answer 4

My heart goes out to you and your family. I hope I never have this problem with my three teens, but I have relatives with similar problems. I have to tell you, it gets worst before it gets better. It's good she's attending the classes but involuntary help is not as productive as voluntary, genuine desire for help. I pray she gets out while she's ahead because this is a bumpy ride and loved ones get hurt just as bad as the user sometimes. You've got to show tough love now. This of course is after you sit her down and tell her how much you love and support her. Let her know you will not tolerate lying and destructive behavior. She's an adult, there's not a whole lot you can do but you can let her see how much it hurts you to see her like that. Sometimes they don't know they mean that much to others because at some point they stopped loving themselves.God Bless.

Answer 5

that should actually be undesirable for the youngster! somewhat because of the fact that she already has a newborn and is persevering with those behaviors round her. whether, do not immediately assume that the youngster is going to be deformed or retarded, because of the fact I also have a pal who did not comprehend she became into preggers until she became into like 4 months alongside, and he or she have been ingesting, smoking pot, or maybe doing coke (as quickly as) up until she found out she became into looking forward to...and he or she did not end smoking cigs in any respect. actual, he infant is the healthiest and calmest i've got ever considered. basically, communicate with the mother and the father and clarify to them (purely in case they don't understand) that that's unsuitable habit. possibly she could purely get an IUD or some thing so she does not could intrude with all her little events to shield a pile of youngsters.

Answer 6

Take her to victory outreach. Now I'm not trying to get you into religion. It's just that I had a lot of problems and by accident I went there and found help. My pastor is the director of the half way house and knows how to counsel people in trouble. They have a lot of experience in helping people with drug and alcohol problems. My church also has a youth minister who can relate to young people. Maybe you could set up a meeting or have someone from victory outreach come and talk with your daughter. Then the rest is up to her.

Answer 7

I'm so sorry to hear the predicament you are in. My best advice to you and your spouse is to have an "intervention"; call someone from the alcohol and drug rehab centre to do an intervention, meaning having your daughter sit down on the sofa together with your entire family and the interventor to listen to what each of you has to say (the interventer will tell you these things in detail). And I believe that she really needs to be placed in an alcohol/drug rehab because she needs professional help to overcome the addiction.

Answer 8

As a addict myself (in recovery) if she does have a problem she is going to have to help herself. I have been in and out of rehab myself put there by my parents and husband and it was not until I was ready that I chose to stop using.
Drugs and alcohol change a person, she has turned into someone you will not know.
If you can try to talk to her, go to Al-non meeting for family of addicts.
Good luck

Answer 9

I was there, I'm 20 now. My parents called the police on me. I had a reality check the hard way.

Good Luck though.

Answer 10

this may be hard, but you need to notify the police. Also, don't just ask her if she's doing coke, tell her that you know she is and that she needs to get into a program. You have to help her or she will turn into a misrible person and will probably die young.