Long Term Relationships & Non-Sexual Physical Affection??

Question

My boyfriend and I have been in a long-term relationship for nearly three years, and we live together. For the first year or so, the amount of non-sexual physical attention/affection I got from him was great. He would cuddle with me, hug me, kiss me. Trust me - I'm not the type who needs constant attention, but I do appreciate a little physical affection now and then. It's nice to feel loved and wanted.

I don't know what's happened, but the affection and attention has dwindled down to the point of being basically non-existent. I don't get hugs and kisses anymore, we don't cuddle anymore...there's really nothing. These days, the only time we really have any physical contact at all is when he wants sex. Aside from that...nothing. What's going on? Is this normal for men to act this way?

I've asked my boyfriend if I've done something wrong and he says no. He says there's no problem at all, and that he's just "tired" when he gets home from work. This sounds like an excuse to me.

Answer 1

it might be that he actually is tired when he gets home from work, stress has alot to do with lack of sex too. sit him down and talk to him, find out what the problem is instead of trying to guess and asking people on the internet to diagnos the problem. i think that will just put stupid stuff in ur head and then u will start to believe it.

Answer 2

Here's the truth about men: They get comfortable when they are in relationships. At the beginning he was doing all of these cute things because you were in the"puppy love" stage. Now, your feelings for each other have progressed past that point. He doesn't feel the need to show you constant affection, because he thinks that you already know how he feels about you. Our physical attentions and affections are only affirmations to show the other person how we feel about them. If this is really starting to be a problem, be honest with him. Just tell him that you would like it if he were a little more affectionate with you. Good luck!

Answer 3

Passion cools after awhile, this is fairly normal even in marriage. Let's face it we all get a little lazy @ times. Are you initiating affection or are you waiting for him to make the first move? Try giving him hugs & kisses & non-sexual touches & see how he responds. If you do that for a few days & he still brushes you off, hire a private detective

Answer 4

There is a problem. Being tired is one thing but not being honest in a relationship is something different. There is an underlying problem somewhere and you have to seek it out. When he wants sex? That just leaves you out. The only way this is normal is when you know what's going on.

Answer 5

Men, and women sometimes too, tend to get comfortable in a relationship, and the cuddling and kissing thing just kind of drops off. Its normal, but its not fun.

Tell him you miss it, you wish there was more of it. Women, generally, need affection to keep that love bond, its part of who we are. See if it helps. If not, or he brushes you off, think of other things that could cause it, and if there are none, it could be an excuse.

Answer 6

Us woman always want to assume the worst it seems like but the reality of it is that they bust there but at work and come home and have almost no energy for us. I am going through the same thing. But I understand that I could never do what he does all day. Just try not to be too hard on him.

Answer 7

I went through the exact same thing and dealt with it for months before i found out that it wasn't working at all that my ex was tired from he had been seeing someone else for six months and had been lying the whole time about work hours and everything else. FOR THE BILLIONTH TIME L A D I E S IF YOU FEEL SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT THAT MEANS SOMETHING ISN'T RIGHT. AND WHAT YOU SUSPECT IS 9TIMES OUT OF TEN HAPPENING!!!!

Answer 8

maybe you can attract his attention by being nice to him and starting the cuddling and ... yourself. I always try to be NEW no my BF, and he hasnt changed after 6 years of friendship. you can wear things he likes, give him he huge hug when he comes home, cook him the things he like... I love to spoil my BF. and he always keeps being like the first day... I say, if u like him, dont wait for him, give your kindness to him, so he will give his to you(just unless there is a serious problem!)

Answer 9

Yeah, its an excuse... The issue is that he has gotten used to you and is taking you for granted...its usually happens in relationships... People sometimes get settled in and kind of let themselves go...they let the candle burn out...

There are two possibilities... You can try to rekindle the relationship with romance...depends on him too...whether he is still in love with you.

Or you can just walk way... He needs to realize what he has and that he can lose it if he doesn't maintain it (love you)... People just get in a rut sometimes and not realizing it take people for granted...get comfortable...

Another possibility is that he has fallen out of love...

Sometimes time apart fixes that... Just enough time to make him realize how much he misses you...

Good luck!!!

Answer 10

No need to split hairs. I have heard it put this way: there are two emotions. One feels good and the other feels bad. Either can become habitual. The negative one leads to disease. If one habitually feels good about oneself, feeling bad about anything or anyone else will by contrast be shocking. The brain not knowing anything about time or about imagination reacts to shocks to its programs by making efforts to correct the situations. These we call symptoms. To love one's enemy means to eliminate negative emotions as soon as possible due to the harmfull effects of not doing so. The best way to do this is to visualize or imagine that the wanted state of mind already exists, enjoy the ensuing positive emotions or feelings and allow those to become habitual. The resistance disappears and health returns. Cheers.