Does he prefer masturbating over me?

Question

I've been in a new relationship for about 9 months now. I am also 6 months pregnant. I really care about him. We have had an amazing sexual history so far, but over the last 3 days I have caught him masturbating while laying next to me (while I pretended to stay alseep) and I havent said anything about it. I don't want it to bother me or lead me to start listening to him take showers in the morning (to hear if hes masturbating) like i did in my past relationship. I think maybe because i'm not as interetsed because of the pregnancy as I used to be that he has resorted to this. But he hides it from me. I'll wake up in the middle of him doing it, he doesnt know this, but i wont inturrupt or say anything. Even last night (after I told him the only times I am usually aroused is late late at night or 1st thing in the morning) He resorted to this instead of me. Am I doing something wrong? How do i confront him, or should I let it go? It used to not be like this.

Answer 1

Next time, don't say a word, just turn over and give him a hand.

Answer 2

First of all, this is pretty common! Most men and many women never stop masturbating completely, even when they're with someone. THe fact that you're pregnant could also be an issue for him. Some guys just find it to be a "turn-off". Yes, it's unfair, but he should start getting more interested in sex after the baby's born AND you've waited 6 weeks (to prevent infection) and when the baby begins sleeping through the night, especially.

If it's really concerning you, ask him if he DOES find your pregnancy making you less attractive to him, or if there's another reason. Often, men think they will "hurt" the fetus during intercourse (not true with a normal pregnancy). Or he may assume YOU don't want sex. Communication is the key.

TRY not to feel too upset if he says that yes, he's not attracted to pregnant women! This, too is quite common and it's a product of conditioning (women are supposed to look like supermodels, remember?). Ask if he'd at least try sex and he MIGHT be surprised how arousing it can be, though somewhat awkward.

Don't stop pleasuring each other in different ways. You still need that closeness and even cuddling can help. Just AVOID ORAL SEX (on you)...it can cause an embolism (air bubble -very serious)! Otherwise, either do some experimenting, or bide your time 'til the baby arrives.

Things WILL go back to normal...eventually!

P.S. When I was pregnant w/our son, it was the reverse: my husband was turned on but I was the one grossed out by the pregnancy! Women can feel that way too. Go figure...

Answer 3

There's nothing wrong with you and there's nothing wrong with him. The only suggestion I would make is you two talk about this. It is normal for men to masturbate and him doing it while he is laying in bed next to you is because he is thinking of you or looking at you while he does it. Plus there is this weird taboo some men feel about pregnant women. Some men feel they shouldn't have sex with a pregnant woman and some men even think that it will hurt the woman and the baby. He's probably thinking that he wants sex but doesn't want to bother you about it either because you seem less interested or because of the pregnant part. He may be hiding it because he feels ashamed. He has nothing to be ashamed about. You two just need to open the lines of communication and talk about this. You are so close to having the baby he is probably worried about you getting hurt. Pretending you are asleep isn't a good idea, avoidance doesn't work. I suggest to you that you supply the hand or mouth to him when he is doing his thing. When I don't feel like having sex I will jerk my boyfriend off. Makes him happy and doesn't take that long. Remember communication.

Answer 4

Maybe its because of the pregnancy. Some men are worried it can hurt the baby, or you. You had a good sexual history in the past, but now, at 6 months, your body is growing, and even though he may WANT to have sex with you, he ma be afraid he would hurt you. Its common, my ex-husband was the same way during my pregnancies. He was still attracted, but was scared. Talk to him about it without bringing up the masterbation.

Or, like another poster suggested, roll over and help him, and it may break the ice to find out why he is less inclined to have sex with you than before.

Answer 5

I think it is kind of creepy that he is doing it in the bed while you are asleep! I understand if you are not home or even in the shower, but while you are asleep! I would not worry just yet if he is replacing you with masturbation; wait to see if it continues. I had this problem with my husband, but he was looking at porn and wackin it all the while paying no attention to me sexually. I was heartbroken, insecure and unhappy. I would talk to him about it and he would say that he was interested in me and deny the porn even though i would catch him. I tried to be a cool wife and turn my head about the porn as long it did not interfere with our sex life but that did not work. As long as he was pleasuring himself he had no reason to pleasure me. It got so bad that i almost left him and he finally got the message. He stopped looking at porn and masturbating and all of a sudden he was interested in me again! WOW, What a break through! I am sure he still masturbates occasionally but the porn is gone. Our sex life is better than ever. The point is that masturbation can lead to a problem in the bedroom. You have to talk to him about it and tell him that even though you are pregnant you still want to make love. You also have to remember that masturbation is a solely selfish act and if he is willing to choose that over you then he needs to do some serious soul searching. It took my husband almost loosing me and his infant son to get the message so if I were you I would nip this in the bud and talk to him about it now. Good luck, I have been there girl

Answer 6

Leave him alone. Maybe he just doesn't want you since you're pregnant. And another thing, that's a private matter. Do you think he should just whip it out and start doing it in front of you? Maybe in the middle of the grocery store or something? Let the issue go....it used to not be like this because you weren't pregnant before.

Answer 7

Probably not, but without asking him yourself your never going to know for sure. Since you are pregnant (I have 5 of my own) he may not wish to bother you. He feels you need your sleep. What about you waking him up late late at night or in the morning? Try to catch him before he starts! lol I have found it works for me! Good luck!

Answer 8

You should let it go because at least he's not cheating on you with someone else. Look at it as if he's waiting for you till after the pregnancy then his masturbating days are over.

Answer 9

if the sex was constant in the past, maybe he trying to compensate for how often you use to have sex. just talk to him about it. masturbation is normal. some might consider it lucky that he is not looking elsewhere for pleasure, and the fact that he does it right next to you instead of hiding it can't be a bad thing.

Answer 10

a lot of men worry that sex with their pregnant wife will somehow harm the baby or wife, it's not unusual, maybe you can find a few articles online and email them to him or just bring it up casually in conversation, say, "hey, my pregnancy books says some men are afraid that sex will hurt the baby, you aren't are you honey, because I'm not worried about it and it says here that it's perfectly OK...."

Answer 11

Let it go. It's amazing how some women are so self-absorbed they take offense to their husbands when they masturbate. It's like men can have no pleasure with out the expressed permission of their wife.