2006-12-08 05:25:44 · 27 answers · asked by sarah_b_parker 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First, remember they still love their birth mother. Don't ever say bad things about her where the children can hear it, if the reason she's out of the marriage is a divorce. Children will still love their mother. You are not a replacement but an addition. Let them know this. Show by words and actions that you want to love them, worry over them and take care of them as if they were yours by birth.
Be lavish with praise when they deserve it and be sparing with the scoldings. Pick your battles wisely and only scold when really necessary.
When speaking of the children to adult friends and the children are around, say "our" children", not "his" children. Unless the children have requested that you not refer to them thusly. It will make them feel that you really care about them and you are proud to be in their family
Defend them when they need defending. If they are being unfairly
punished by the father, have the courage to speak with him in private and state why you feel the child didn't deserve the punishment. Never do this in front of the children: they'll think you are just doing it to impress them and make points.
Be there for school plays and sports for which the children are involved. Be their champion and biggest supporter.
Don't feel hurt if they don't come to you at first with their problems. They will, in time, as they come to see that you are really trying to be a good mother.
Love them as your own. Blood does not make a mother.
2006-12-08 05:43:29 · answer #1 · answered by lothespiritalker 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It can be difficult at times (my wife has 2 sons now teenagers from a previous marriage, and I have a daughter from a previous relationship, so we have sort of a Brady-bunch thing going on), but when you love someone it takes patience and understanding and sometimes sacrifice and a lot of understanding. The best thing you can do is put God first in your lives so he can help you all with everything, and believe me you will need help at times. Love his kids knowing that they are a part of him as unconditionally as you can. Be very unselfish, and whenever there is conflict or a misunderstanding between you and any of the children think about what they are going through. Their parents aren't together and now someone else is taking some of their time from their dad. Be Loving and helpful, set boundaries and talk to your husband about you 2 teaming up all the time, being on the same page and helping each other out. You both need to know that one day the kids will grow up and be on their own and you 2 will be together forever, so help the kids and love them, but stay united to each other no matter what. Mainly love and respect for all is the key. We have family meetings at times and just allow an open (respectful) discussion where we can talk and straighten things out.
2006-12-08 05:38:31 · answer #2 · answered by Matt B 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT try to play mom that could upset them try to be someone they can look up to discuss disapplin actions with your hubby to be before the big day discuss your role in the family. On the day of your weddding try to find a nicer gift that you can give to the kids to help them realize that you want to be a part of their family and you love them as well as their father. IF YOU DO NOT LOVE THE CHILDREN AS MUCH AS YOU WOULD YOUR OWN DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN he comes with kids and if he's at all respectable he puts the children before ANYTHING including his own wants, needs and desires. If you do indeed love these children then you should be a good step-mother by that fact alone experiance is how you learn and experiance will make you a better step-mother and maybe someday a best friend for these kids
2006-12-08 05:45:10 · answer #3 · answered by kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not a step-parent ... but I can only imagine what you're going through ... I have a little girl from a previous marriage and my BF now is trying his hardest to do anything & everything possible to become her " father " figure ... I'm seeing things through you're husband's eyes ... I want more interaction between them two ... I want him to really take responsibility for her ... I don't want to feel like I'm the only one in charge ... it's hard enough being a parent - but now you have to deal with " you're not my mommy " crap ... it's hard to say treat them like your own ... when the kids know that's not true ... the best thing you can do is just reassure them you're not going anywhere ... you love their dad & you love them no matter what happens - through the good or the bad ... this is so hard to answer ... lol ... hope you get lots of helpful tips though ... good luck ... !
2006-12-08 05:44:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Welcome to step mom bliss.. I have a step daughter that I love with my very being. She has been with me since she was four and we have a great relationship. Start out with your basic rules of disipline between you and your husband. Also make sure he supports you 100% around the kids if you do have to disipline. Keep the rules at your home the same as mom's house. I have a very open communication relationship with my daughters mom. We keep all rules the same. If grounded at one home it should follow thru to the other. Let the kids know you are there for love and support no matter what. But please define your boundries of disipline. It doesn't have to be over the top. Just your basic rules that they already have. My dad taught me the one most important lesson. Children thrive on disipline. But don't over do it. Spend extra one on one with each child to build your own relationship with them. Don't pressure them to call you mom. It will happen in thier own time. The first time it does you'll cry. I did. My daughter tells me things she has yet to tell her mom. Not bad things just her normal day to day. Let them know you love them and all will go well. Good luck and enjoy them!!!!!
2006-12-08 06:39:49 · answer #5 · answered by codiesmama5 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The hard part for them will be accepting you as a replacement for their mom. There is not much you can do about this accept try to listen to them. Have conversations with them. To them, you are a guest in their house.
The mistake I see more often then not, the step-parent tries to dictate policy in the house. My suggestion would be to discuss things with your new family in an open forum. Make sure to get input from the kids, as well as their father. In fact, I would make him the family chairman. Everyone has input, but the chairman makes the final decision.
2006-12-08 05:37:32 · answer #6 · answered by khanofali 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're a stable, stable woman. Who is accustomed to what replaced into or is going with the aid of your ex-husbands ideas? he's an fool. It does even though if strike me that he's having some style of mid-existence disaster and needs each and all of the failings that a single guy has with none genuine accountability. regrettably, that may not uncommon and finally he may be the guy who loses out the main. yet that may not your subject. All i will say is this is all nonetheless very new and uncooked for you. do not challenge or contain your self with him or his new existence. you're precise you deserve, and gets, extra suitable in the top. basically keep doing what you're doing; it gets extra handy for you and your toddlers. better of luck.
2016-12-11 04:59:48 · answer #7 · answered by killeen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't try to smother mother them right away or bend over backwards. respect that they have a nother mother. do not ever bad mouth her or anything, respect the blood lines
let them come to you, be open to when they need things but respect their space. make sure they know that u Want to be around them and take care of them...but not tell them what to do. eventually when they learn that you are there to HELP them, they will learn to love u in that way. an example is like Sound of Music... at first the kids are like, "we don't need a new mother!" but later the oldest daughter goes to maria and admits she does need a mother to help "tell" her what is good and bad, pretty much encourage and lead in the right direction..
as long as u work on being Positive, Happy and Healthy in Your life and the family, and u always keep an OPEN mind, u will be fine~~ good luck
2006-12-08 05:31:01 · answer #8 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
trully try to love each kid....if you think you cant, re-consider your repationship. the man youre going to marry is not alone..he has 4 kids around him and you GOT to put them all in your life. always look the good part of it, and try to discover the kids qualities and love them. maybe you shall watch the sound of music film! will help you and give you some ideas on how you shall act! relax and enjoy your new life with a big family!!
2006-12-08 05:35:16 · answer #9 · answered by do it again man 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly? Don't mother his ex's children. You are the adult and they should respect you, but you can't be their mother and should do everything you can to honor her rules for the kids. It's important that the kids have some consistancy, but make sure you talk to your soon to be husband and have him protect you in terms of respect when it comes to the kids and his ex...
2006-12-08 05:29:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋