Ladies, what do you think of this situation?

Question

I know this guy with four children and in the military. His wife has no education, no desire to go to school and no desire to work outside the home. Sometimes he wishes she'd hire a hit-man because she'd be more wealthy when he's dead from all the insurance. If he were to leave her, she'd get (1) child support for all then children (2) she'd be getting alimony because she can't support herself (3) Half of his retirement pay (4)the cars, house and everything in it. Sounds like to me that this woman has it made and the guy gets screwed out of everything; plus he has to work for the rest of his life till he dies.

Answer 1

Well, he probably should have thought about that before he married her.

Answer 2

Well, it sounds to me like he asked for it since she had no education when he married her and it didn't bother him then so why should it now? He made 4 kids with her so she can't be that horrible now can she? He would have to pay child support the military would make sure of that one. She would get little if any alimony from him and wouldn't get it forever anyway, only till she learned a trade or job that she could support herself and half support their children. She would get half his retirement depending on how long they have been married. The cars would be divided and the house would depend, she would probably get it until the youngest child turned 18 and then he would get half the selling price or equity. Sounds to me like he likes his life the way it is or else he would get out.

Answer 3

Yeah he is kinda screwed in that situation. Yes, he will have to pay child support regardless, or he could fight for custody and possibly win. You never know. And she will get retirement money from him if they have been married more than 10 years. No way around those two things. My suggestion ,and I don't know if it will work or not but I suggested to a very close friend of mine as well, as far as alimony goes....get some type of proof that she refuses to better herself, some type of documentation that she won't go get an education or refusal to get a job, and somehow have proof so that if he does decide to split with her he can take that to court with him and show the judge that it was not his choice that she not work, it was her own and had she taken the chances he gave her to get a better education or job she would not need the alimony. I know that is a long shot but you never know. Men do need a way to get out of this alimony thing when it is not their fault that their spouse didn't work. It's one thing when a man doesn't want or allow his wife to work during their marriage, it's another when she refuses. It amazes me that there are women out there that want to rely on someone else to take care of them. If they were a real woman they wouldn't depend on anyone.

Answer 4

actually the courts on't see it in the drastic way you discribe anymore. for example i had a friend whom is a registerd nurse and he had four kids was one 17, 15,10,7 she never worked contributed finacially in the marriage basically the stay home mom. well when she went to file for divorce he ended up keeping the kids because they were asked whom the wanted to live and then i think she had the youngest well the dayof judgement per-say my friend was shocked when the judge denied alamony she did not get the home and she got very little child support because it was a joint custody deal 50/50 what happend judge asked what have you contributed to the marraige finacially and she said nothing which was true basically and she asked her why and she could not answer and yes the judge was a girl. so tell friend all hope is not gone and you have to wave the option do i want to be with this person and be misarable or do i want something else for me . i say being happy is more important then being misreable after all if kids see parents unhappy then they to will be

Answer 5

What's wrong with a family man working outside the home while his wife raises the kids? If he had concerns about finances, or his wife's education & work experience, he should not have had 4 kids with her. That is his lot in life, and he needs to take responsibility for 1. who he married, 2. how many kids he has, 3. staying married or getting a divorce.

Answer 6

Remember...he married her. He loved her not for money, schooling etc. Having children is alot of work for both sides. Being a mom to four children is ALOT of work. She also helps with the family budget by not having to spend money on child care. She take cares of the home etc. Normally, child support is determined by income and how often the children are with their parents. The courts will determine the amount due. Raising children costs money. House, cars, etc...again, some of that is worked out among the parents, and some will prob be worked out in court. Think about the children before you get involved..they are the innocent ones. The children will be the ones who will need constant support and love as they try to cope with what has happen to their mom and dad. Im sure the guy will do whats best for him and his children. If hes that unhappy with his married life, and has tried to make it work, im sure he will take the steps necessary to make his life a happier one. I wish you (your friend) the best.

Answer 7

Well i think 4 kids can be a job all on its own. My mom has 4 kids and i can see the stress she deals with. Its not all the joys of motherhood, you know. Also it sounds more like you are talking about yourself. My opinion.. but its what I think. But lets just say "he" to keep it all uniform. He should not bother with a hit man nor should she. They got married for a reason and its good to have dad around too. It is disturbing that some ppl think that is the better way. Sometimes you just got to focus on the better things, the better parts of the life your living...or work on making it more the way you want. Don't just let him give up. Its Life..live it! And all the best to your friend.

Answer 8

Sounds like some one is depressed!
There is a way out of this situation other then death! It is called wife needs to work! No matter what it takes! Now days it takes two to make it especially if they have 4 children, she just needs to stop being lazy and pushing all the financial responsibilites off on her husband.... No more or less to it, she needs to work out side of the home, it'll be o.k. and most women with a husband and 4 children do work she needs to now as well...

Answer 9

Good Lord, why'd he marry a loser like that? Anyway... Doesn't he have any control over "their" money? My husband's ex-wife was a spendaholic. He just forked over every paycheque to her and she went and blew it. Finally, he JUST STOPPED LETTING HER BLOW HIS HARD-EARNED MONEY!! This poor sap should make life uncomfortable enough financially that she actually begins to suffer a bit. Make life less cushy. Why would she get up off the couch when she can just sit there and suck up all his earnings? She'd learn pretty quickly how to unfurl her own bloody legs and get a job if her standard of living went into the toilet. If not, he should leave her. My husband went through a similar situation with his ex-wife. He finally left, after 30 years of marriage, and she made a killing, and for a while things were really bleak for him financially, but he was HAPPY because he was free from her. Now he is married to someone (me) who actually loves him and not his wallet, and I am GAINFULLY EMPLOYED and thus contribute to his escalating quality of life, while she is now broke and miserable after being taken for a ride by an unscrupulous man who blew all "her" money! What goes around comes around.

Be careful who you sleep with boys. If she gets pregnant you're stuck with her forever in one way or another.

Answer 10

You know....you must either have 1) No children or 2) this guy has his head so far up his whining a*s that he hasnt a clue and he should count himself lucky. No desire to work?? Are you saying she lets those kids run wild, unfed, unclothed? Does he come home to cold pots and pans and an unkept trash heap? Is he sleeping on the floor or on a matress without sheets? Is he sleeping on nasty dirty sheets? Are you telling me that he does the cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing, school responsibilities, etc??? And she does absolutely nothing?? Get a grip. He probably is just bent because they havent gotten 'busy' since she is so friggin' tired from caring for their own small army.

Why don't you do your friend a favor and offer to baby sit sometime...or get someone to do it for them. Give them a break to be together and enjoy each other's company.

Answer 11

This man should have thought about his expectations of a wife before he married her and got her pregnant. She should have made it clear to him that she planned on being a SAHM before she married him and had his kids.

My husband and I both work but I was home for a year when I had our son and I know how much work taking care of a husband, child, and household can be...If you are doing your job and doing it well.

If a woman is doing her job as a SAHM then he needs to appreciate that she is working hard to keep the house and family in order and she needs to appreciate that she is blessed to have a provider, husband, and father to her children.