How do I cope after my husband left me and the kids?

Question

Im 29, been married for 9 years and have two boyz 6 and 4. My husband acts single and parties until wee hours quite often without even calling me. He has an alcohol problem which runs in the family even though he only drinks every few days. He just left me an hour ago becuse two nights ago he came home from being away for two nights and instead of coming home, he went to the bar. I was really worried so I figured he did that and went to find him then I did, but I yelled a lot outside the bar and I smacked him. He left me this morning because he said Im psycho. Im not I just dont understand why he keeps donig that when he knows it hurts me so much. Now Im on my own by myself with two little boys and all Ive ever been is a housewife. What do I do, I feel so alone and scared.Its Xmas and I have no money for anything. I live 10 minutes out of town and with no income, how do I support myselF. Has anyone ever been in this situation? Im really scared

Answer 1

wow- jsut move on with your life and be pssitove. THink about your hildren. Maybe him leaving was the best thing that could eve happent toyu. Remember- things always happenf for a reason. Just keep your head up hihg and smile. Live for your children and they will live for you. When you go to sleep at night preay to god for your husband. He's probably having some emotional issues right now that made him do this. You need to accept the reality of what's going on in your life and just pray to god to give you patiece. I know you love and miss your husband but- what's done is doena nd you cna't turn back time and change anything. Just go on with your life and God will find you a better man for you. Now- what you need to do is get a job- keep it and supprot the family. GO to your local socail services department and get help for health insurance and day care if your kids still need it. You're jsut gonna have to do it all on your onw. It's gonna suck for a couple of months but- you will value yourself more and feel proud that you can do it all on your own and don't need to depend on a guy to support you.If your husband realizes he made a mistake and wants to come back home you need to forgive him and go on with your life and work your problems out with him but don't let him stay if you can't forgive him for what he did to you. Pray to god to help you with your kids, your job with everything because now that he's gone- you will be in charge of EVERYTHING and in knwo how hard it is because that's the story of my life.......... IGive him about 1 month- if he doens't come back within that month file for divorce and get his as s on child support. I'ts gonna be hard but you're gonan have to do it. Whne i separeated with my baby's father- he wanted to come into a mutual agreement on how much he was gonna give me per month for my son and i tried it. 4 months past and he didn't keep his word- he didn't give me money to help like he said he would so i turned around and got him on child support and now he nca't run. THanks to child support iw as able to get free health insurance for me and my son. Be strong and just work work work and eveyting will be better.

Answer 2

First you have to realize that you must make a decision. If you want to be unhappy with this man then stay with him or if you want to teach your children that it is not okay to be mistreated then make some phone calls. You need to get in touch with Social Services and ask them to help you find a means of support until you can find some kind of employment and also you need to call legal aid and find out what you need to do to start getting some support for you children and also to legalize what to do with home bills etc. You are not the first women who has decided she has put up with enough abuse and has decided to end it so look for support from others who have been through similar situations. Girl friends will help you and support you until you are strong enough to stand on your own. You can do it I believe in you and don't worry about Christmas as I think that having a peaceful love filled atmosphere free of yelling and crying and despair is a far better present than anything else. Check with the local charitable organizations and see if they can help you out with some toys and food for now. Remember when you get back on your feet that you can pay this back by volunteering or donating in other ways. God bless my prayers are with you.

Answer 3

First of all, I'm so sorry for what you're going through, and having it hit at the holidays is rough. Right now you're panicking, and that's normal, you're upset. You need to calm down, if for no one else then do it for your kids. This was a bad fight, I'll bet you anything your husband will return when he's calmed down. Having said that, you guys need counseling, and he needs counseling for alcohol dependence. AA and Al Anon are both great groups that offer support for alcoholics and their families. He keeps doing this because he's an alcoholic--at least it sounds like he is.

If the marriage is over, then you have some other steps to take. #1, get yourself a lawyer, he's going to have to pay support payments to his children, so don't freak out over that.
#2, contact family services or some agency that works with single mothers who are re-entering the job force. There are all sorts of groups (government and private) that help single women with issues such as these. You're going to need help putting together a resume, and finding a job. And then day care for the kids.

In the immediate future, please call your family, your parents, siblings, etc. You need help right now, and your family is the first place to turn to get it. Also, check balances in joint checking/savings accounts, withdraw the money you'll need to get by. If you have credit cards, even if they're in his name, you'll be fine for about a month or so.

I hope this will all blow over for you though. Then get some counseling for both you and your husband. He needs help. Best of luck to you both.

Answer 4

BREATH!!! BREATH AGAIN!!! just keep it up...keep on BREATHING.
OK! I know you are scared right now. You & the kids will be alright. You can do this & be alright.
1) Start looking for a JOB!!! With lots of hope & prayer you should have something by Feb.
2) I know it sounds heard to do.... You need to make a trip to your nearest WELFARE office. That way you & the kids will have food to eat. They will also give you money so that will help with the bills until the job comes around.

Now for your husband.... you can not protect him. He needs toget himself together so he could be there for you & the kids. But you can't stop doing what you need to do for him. You have to get yourself together....you are the one with the kids not him. Get a job find a friend or family member to help with the kids a little. Just know you can do this on your own. It will be hard to do.....but just know that it is done daily. I hit ROCK BOTTOM!!!! had 2 kids bearly making it. I found a decent job & made it from there. now I have 3 kids.... A good job!! My family is very happy for me & what I have done.
I kinda walked away from my family while I was doing BAD!!! But I seen my most of my family for the 1st time in about 10yrs

JUST KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Answer 5

Oh girl, I'm really sorry to hear story like that. I hope he still loves you or at least care about you and children enough and he will come back.
Anyway, do you have any relatives or friends around? This time you really need some good help from all of them. Also, can you see or at least call to his family? He can call you psycho or whatever what, but he has 2 boys to support! Do not hesitate to bother them.
If nothing can help find some church close to you and ask for any help, any advise. Even if they won't help they might know someone who can help in this situation.
God, please help you.

Answer 6

Am sorry to say but I think you are better off without him you do not want to have a drunk in your house with to small children. My advice to you is to go on welfare they will give you emergency aid so that you can eat and pay your bills let them go after him to pay your child support. It will not be easy but you will be happier for it in the end, but what ever you do not start a relationship with any one for a while keep your mind on you and your children. when your 4 year old starts school you should go back to school and get a degree of some kind so that you can do better for yourself. Do not find someone with the same problems as the last one look for someone with an education so that he could be a good example for your boys.

Answer 7

I agree with the advice acmeraven gave you. Your husband is an alcoholic and is in denial. Until he hits rock bottom he's not going to be any help to you or the kids. Let him know he isn't welcomed back until he gets help. And stay strong don't give in. There are tons of organizations you can turn to for help. Try the trustees office in your town too. They will give you all kinds of info. that will help until you find a job and get situated. Good Luck To You .

Answer 8

Okay ready? here goes... your husband is a dead bet you need to get rid of unless you want your son's growing up thinking what daddy does is right... Go file for divorce then file a motion for child support that will help with some of the bills... The i would head to the unemployment office and look for some jobs that I could do.. There are also programs that will help you finalcially through this until you find a job....Everyone needs help at one point and time so i would go and get al the help i could until i was satble enough to get it al going on my own..... then i would look for a real man that will love and resepct me and my children and set a good example for them instead of one who puts off drinking and running around all hours and hurting a women is right... Good Luck sweetie hope all works out for you

Answer 9

first of all look at it this way, u are basically raising ur sons by urself now. go to government agencies to get help until u can get on ur feet. also go bk to school, this way u wont have to be stuck in dead end jobs for the rest of ur life. also seek help from family and friends. i dont think ur physco i think u just had had enough and finally got so mad that u struck out. good luck and happy holidays.

Answer 10

Go to Womens Resource Center. They can help with legal aid services to get child support and file for a divorce. They can also help with support agencies to help you get on your feet, get educated, get a job and actually have a life. Your soon-to-be ex has a problem that seems to have no solution and you don't need to kill yourself off because of it. Get rid of him and move on.