I found out about the affair, and he said it was over. He said it was just sex, but I found out recently that he is still communicating with the other woman. Should I end the marriage, I still love him so much and we have 2 kids.
2006-12-08 05:01:32 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I admit that I have been more of a mom than a wife. I just didn't realize that he was so unhappy.
2006-12-08 05:12:29 · update #1
If he wants to work on the marriage and cut off all ties, I say go get yourself a marriage counselor. If he doesn't.... then get a box of tissues and ditch the man. Just don't put up with it!
2006-12-08 05:03:31 · answer #1 · answered by AmberLeigh 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would hesitate to end a marriage of 13 years before even attempting any kind of marriage counseling. You do know that the affair is not the problem, it's a symptom of something that's wrong with your marriage, right? There's something that your husband needs (may not even be sex), and he can't find it inside the marriage, so he's gone outside the marriage to get it. If you love him (and it sounds as if you do), then please ask him to consider marriage counseling with you. And yes, the first thing the counselor will tell him is for your marriage to work, he's going to have to quit communicating with this other woman. I'm so sorry for all the pain this must be causing you. I hope things work out for you and your family. God bless.
2006-12-08 05:05:42 · answer #2 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
it not the point you being so much as mom than being a wife. He knows that he should of talk to you in person and telling you that you not being my wife you being like my mom. I don't like it.... But he didn't so what did he do cheatting on you.
I am male married to my wife for 9 years and 2 kids too 3rd due next year. I always communicate with my wife no matter what we do or what ever it is. I tell my wife what the plm or don't like and she does the same thing. I will not cheat my wife for that because it hurting my kids if I did that. No way I will not do that.
Yes, THis is my second marriage but you know first marriage she treat me like a kid and stuff but before we were married it was great but then she depend on her mom and dad than me trying to take care of her.
Second one better and it made alot easier for me . I am glad I can tell her how i feel without hurt her feeling or just have her sit down and talk to her and try to solve the plm. But you know he still communicating with other woman... wow, he truly don't care or don't want to solve the plm at alllll.
You need to end the marriage and make sure he pay child support and if he begging you not to do that don't give in. keep on going, because he still with a woman.
I mean that so stupid for him to do that. You wouldn't do that to your husband at all. so that why see the different.?
2006-12-08 06:06:00 · answer #3 · answered by greenbaypackers1920 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you stay???He lied once and now he is lying again about being in contact with her... is it really over???? You can't be sure.
Whether you love him or not is not the question... Can you ever truly trust him again and totally forgive him??? I would be asking myself that... It is not so clear cut and there is probably alot of emotions that you are going to have to deal with...
Think it over before you make any decisions.. but be honest with yourself.
Perhaps talking to a counselor might be to an advantage for you....
I, however believe a leopard does not change it's spots and I would always be wondering.. To me a cheating spouse is one I don't want or need.( male or female ).. Weather it was sex or not is not the issue.. if he can cheat on you once he can do it again and don't ever think he isn't capable of repeating his behaviour.
It gets easier after the first time....
I believe a partner in a marriage deserves truth and respect and he has thrown yours right out the window... he's been caught and now he is telling you what you want to hear... Think this one over....
Staying together for the children is not a good enough reason....
2006-12-08 05:12:43 · answer #4 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That really depends on how you feel. Clearly your trust in him has been compromised, and with good reason. He also has not broken off communication completely, which shows that he is not as committed to you and helping you to forgive him. If you believe that you can forgive him, I would suggest counselling for the both of you so that you can work through this problem. If not, then you will have to consider ending your marriage. Remember that even if you have two children, children who's parents are divorced fair better than those whom grow up in a home with two parents who don't respect each other.
2006-12-08 05:06:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
WOW! My wife of 13 years cheated on me. I found out about the first one in 2004, tried to forgiver her and work it out for my two boys. But she did it again and I found out in April of this year. I immediately filed for divorce.
Once a cheater, always a cheater. Take him to the bank! Make him pay through the nose. Go for everything, house(s) car(s), allimony, child support, full custody. Hurt him where it hurts the most, in his pocket. There is not enough money to compensate the other spouse when adultry is committed.
DO NOT HAVE SEX WITH HIM! In the courts eyes, if you have sex with him afterward, you have forgiven him.
That's the problem with America today. There should be a Scarlett Letter Law. $250,000 payable to the opposite spouse when adultry is committed. Maybe that's not enough! I don't care how long it takes to pay it off. That should be the minimum above and beyond what the divorce agreement is.
2006-12-08 05:08:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
Put your heart on the shelf for a minute.
You know that he's still dealing with this woman.,Right?
You know whats your next step. Why sit here and be in misery and you don't have too. And stop putting the kids in the middle. Don't use them for the reason for you to stay there.You just don't want to be along. We all have been that way once upon time or another. So what makes you any different? If you allow this to happen and don't say/do anything. And don't complain anymore let it happen. You have feelings too. You can do bad by yourself...
2006-12-08 05:14:51 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know it hurts like hell, but he broke the most sacred vow to you. Just think about that. Yes, it will be hard going through a divorce. Yes, the kids will be hurt and confused. But YOU did not cause this, HE did. Do you really think you will be able to trust him fully again? Do you really want to try? You should not have to sacrifice your happiness and your future to stay with someone who cannot honor his marriage vows just for the sake of the children. It may be hard on them now, but when they are older, they will understand. I personally think once a cheater, always a cheater and an infraction of this magnitude cannot be repaired. If you want to stay with him, make sure you both get counseling and that he admits to what he has done and do not give him any more chances!
2006-12-08 05:11:33 · answer #8 · answered by Agent99 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
End it for you and your kids benefit. That was wrong of him to do it and you have to know that he knew what he was doing. Why be stuck in a marriage where you will be filled with mistrust and heartache? You do not need this man. Once a cheater, always a cheater. You wouldn't want your kids growing up around it. I would get a divorce and if you do not want to go with that, give him the ultimatum. If he loved you, he wouldn't have done it. Get strength from your children and family. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-12-08 05:11:54 · answer #9 · answered by nothing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is a complicated situation. Did he give a reason for the cheating, not that it is excusable by any means? Did you think about marriage counseling? Never stay together because of the children, then they would have to live in the same miserable world you are living in.
Just remember his cheating is not your fault and keep reminding yourself of that. It is something he chose to do and chose to ruin your marriage if you choose divorce.
My suggestion is to seek marriage counseling first and see if this can be worked out.
2006-12-08 05:07:53 · answer #10 · answered by davinm23 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
love is not worth that bullsh*t!!!! i know it is easier said then done..especially with kids involved....but you deserve better , stop thinking about the love youe have...start thinking baout how you have been true to him and how he took that love for granted...every women who gets cheated on says that...but i still love him sooo mcuh,,,,and it may be true but someon else will love you again and wont have sex behind your back..once a cheater always a c heater and there is no twisting that staement!!!! leave while you have the chance, or you will only experience more hurt down the road...plus you will hold this against him fo rlife,,,adn your relationship will never re kindle and you will never trust him fully again! you cant base a marraige / or atleast a healthy marraige on that! good luck! stay strong you'll still have your kids...they are what is important rihgt now!! they shoudl grow up around unhealthy relationships it will only confuse it for them in the future!
2006-12-08 05:07:42 · answer #11 · answered by Life....it blows! 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋