My husband is in school full time and I work full time to support us. Several nights a week he will stay out until 12 or 1am studying. Sometimes I call him and he is out with friends from class; he says they just got done studying and they are just relaxing for a little while. Meanwhile, I am the one who has to take care of the house/pets/bills/etc because he says he doesn't have time since he has to study. Last night he had a final for one of his classes at 6pm. He still wasn't home by 10pm, so I gave him a call. He was out celebrating with classmates. I asked him why he didn't call me to join him, and he just said that by then they were too far away for me to join. I told him that he was "in trouble", and he said he was fine with that - then he didn't come home until 3am. I have told my husband many times that I get hurt and worried when he doesn't call to tell me what he is doing. He doesn't seem to care. I know my hubby deserves time with the guys, but what about me?
2006-12-08 04:55:07 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
PS: We don't have children. I really am hoping for advice on how to fix the marriage - I don't want to just up and leave him. Thanks.
2006-12-08 05:08:03 · update #1
Dear Lucky, I wouldn't like it either. Your taking all the responsibilities and he's out partying. It gets to be draining being the only one holding things together. Why doesn't he study at home? Going out with friends once a week would be acceptable, but he's not studying as much as he says. Put your foot down. I would not put up with my husband being out till 3am. How would your hubby feel if the shoe was on the other foot? I bet he wouldn't like it. Remember actions speak louder then words with men sometimes. He isn't single anymore. He needs to grow up. It takes two people to make a marriage a work. Going out that much and staying out that late is BS. Don't be his door mat. Always demand respect. Your not getting it from him.
2006-12-08 05:12:36 · answer #1 · answered by autumn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that he is very inconsiderate! Time and time again I have been in this type of relationship until I met my husband and well I have to say this man has very little respect for you and that you should consider leaving, only temporary, before you do that, give him a taste of his own medicine let him experience how it feels to be excluded, left out and not informed when you're staying out late. He is acting like a high school kid that isn't ready to settle down yet! What was the reason for him marrieing you? Did he want a maid or compionship and partner? You do not have children and you both should be living it up "together".... I give you a lot of credit for sticking up for him, allowing him to party as much as he does and allowing him to slack off on household duties! Including wife respect! and if I were you I would defenitly think he has someone on the side.... Sorry to say but no way did I ever put up with it and never would I. You are right, your relationship is in trouble more so then you know. I am glad you are proud of him and you are giving him a long leash but it may hurt you more in the long run... He needs to include you "first" before his classmates! He is putting his classmates before his wife. Com'on women stick up for yourself! Put your foot down! You are not a door mat and with his attitude that he doesn't care well you need to find out for sure if he does or not and if he really dosen't you'll know and then leave his stupid a_s behind and get on with your own life.... The sooner the better! This treatment will only get worse as more years go by in your marriage.... You deserve to be happy and treated well, sorry he is so blind to your feelings and that he is ignorant on how to be a mature, adult partner.... Everything at home is not all your responsibility and he has a lot of learning to do..... - Good Luck!
2006-12-08 05:28:57 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has it ever occurred to you that your husband is taking advantage of this situation. Has it ever occur ed to you that he is having time with the girls too! You and your husband have serious problems. Seek help ASAP, because as my Grandmother told me once nothing good happens after midnight. And if the is staying out several nights a week till wee hours of the morning then you have more worries than you think. I wouldn't be the one putting up with it at all if I were working/paying the bills, etc. He isn't serious about this marriage, and if he isn't then you are fighting against hope. I am so sorry for you.
2006-12-08 05:00:35 · answer #3 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's tough to fix a marriage by yourself. To be honest it doesn't sound like you will get very far because he doesn't care. Your huband probably got caught up in the college spirit and is trying to act single again.
If I were you the nights he is out late I would go out and stay out even later. Hell I would rent a hotel room and sleep there for the night....come home in the morning and just talk about the partying I did. If he doesn't get the hint then you will not get through to him until he is finished school if you are lucky.
2006-12-08 05:19:00 · answer #4 · answered by Cyber Stalker 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is using you.. for a place to live and for money.... I would tell him to stay at home or leave and not come back.... he has no repect or love for you when he is doing all these things without you..... next time he is home and so are the kids grab your purse and car keys an hit the road for some alone time an make him watch the kids easy as that.... If he mistreats the kids or leaves them alone I would have him arrest and file for divorce and have him pay me child support for MY 3 kids............ Good Luck and I hope you do what needs to be done,
2006-12-08 05:04:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
how cool is that... your husband has found someone to pay for his room and board while he gets to get a higher education. and on top of that he gets to act like he's in High school while pursuing his goal.
just because he is taking classes does not permit him to shirk
his obligations to his family financial or otherwise.
he's hanging with college students no doubt his junior in age who with the backing of family and student grants can focus completely on studies and all the perks that go with being a college student. as for deserving time with the guys his time to spend with his friends is only acceptable if his obligations both with you and his studies are met and then only if time allows.
you have every right to feel like you do.
I wouldn't be surprised if once he's done with school he will be done with you also. seeing how he is only using you as a ready tell machine anyway.
2006-12-08 05:14:19 · answer #6 · answered by mark_grvr 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
seems like ur hubby is being awfully inconsiderate. I also go to school full-time, but i make sure i have all day classes that way i can be home with my bf and son at nite. sounds like he wants to be free to do what ever he wants...put ur foot down and tell him he needs to cut out the party life and act like a grown man for a change.
2006-12-08 05:00:02 · answer #7 · answered by Michele 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know that is complete disrespect right? He is only doing it because he thinks he can get away with it. You two really need to sit down and try and fix this. If not, you might have to move on w/out him.
2006-12-08 04:59:21 · answer #8 · answered by Deana S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think either your husband is cheating or he will be cheating soon. He may have someone in mind. Find out where he is hanging out and just show up. You have a right to know if he is cheating! Don't think you are going overboard.
2006-12-08 05:07:53 · answer #9 · answered by truebeing3030 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has issues that he needs to address. If he is going to be a mature adult he needs to begin respecting your need for support both financially, emotionally, and physcially. He needs to grow up or get out.
2006-12-08 05:00:47 · answer #10 · answered by finished 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋