what do you think?

Question

My partner of 7 years moved down south on saturday, we have a 4 yr old daughter, its a long story why he went but he said he loved us both and will wait until we can go to be with him. i have a 16 yr old son they dont like each other. We had a bit of an heated discussion on monday night about my son as he is being really bad. He said he would ring me the next day, his mobile has been on voicemail since!!! its our daughters 4th birthday today and he hasent even rang to wish her happy birthday, what do you think of that? i have tried all week to ring and sent him loads of texts but to no avail, maybe i will give him some space and see if he comes round, he has been in turmoil lately, a lot has gone on in the family.

Answer 1

I totally agree with the first person who answered, named two2fly!
As you have already said, your partner has been through alot, and maybe he felt that he needed to break away. Although I do feel that he may have sheerly ran away from his problems instead of facing them head on, and sorting them out. Maybe he feels he has tried but to but to no avail. It is rather sad that he has made no contact regarding your little daughter.
Give him some space to calm down, and if he truly loves you he will be in contact. Dont completely leave the 'ball in his court,' send him some reassuring texts at reasonable intervals; let him know that you love him and miss him and hope that he is ok. Dont beg or insult. If after a few texts you still get no answers back, then you should assume that your relationship with him has broken down. As sad as it is, you will need to get on with your life for the sake of your children and your sanity. If he doesnt sort it out with you, I hope that he agrees to visit your daughter.
I hope that your daughter still managed to have a nice birthday!
Let us know how you get on.
I wish you all the best!!!! :o) x

Answer 2

Its so easy to sit here a moralise over problems like yours -- and undoubtedly you'll get a lot of "crocodile tears" from those that have their ---meteaphorically speaking --- thumb up their bum and their brain in neutral -----
Could it be the fact of a Mothers love ----- the 16 year old son appears to be -- from what you say --- the crux of the problem --- can you really love a lover the way you love a son --- a different kind of love I know ---- but thereby hangs a tale --
What you have to remember is --- children are only borrowed ---- they demand the earth -- and when it suits them theyr'e off --doesn't matter theyv'e driven a lasting wedge between you and the person you hoped you were going to spend the rest of your life with --- it's not malice -- its the way they are ---
Trouble is though ------- are you strong enough to stop him doing that --- do you really want your partner ??? the ONLY person that solve this dilema unfortunately ---is you

Answer 3

I am so sorry for you, not least because you are confiding to a crowd of strangers who don't know you. But this sounds a bad situation and although it is nice to be forgiving, sometimes a person oversteps the line and you have to cut your losses.
If you can possibly manage without this man, it sounds like the best thing for you all is to cut him off.
He may then come begging for forgiveness, but maybe not.
I do wish you all the very best and think he has chosen a very difficult time of year to abandon his family.

If you really want to save this relationship, you must talk seriously to your son and get him to behave, telling him it is causing you big problems. Perhaps your son needs to apologise to your partner and promise better behaviour for 2007?
Otherwise, just try your best to be independent, and always tell your daughter her father loves her and invent excuses to cover his behaviour, so she will not be hurt.
I really wish you the best and hope you can find the solution within yourself.
Ask yourself what you really want, and follow your instinct. Be realistic.

Answer 4

hey i remember you asking this question about him moving down south.

i did think it was odd that he was going without you......

i think i also said prepare for the worst!

unfortunately it doesnt seem (as its now friday) that he is going to be calling any time soon - not even for is own daughters birthday.

i think you should not send him any more texts or call him,

he knows your number and clearly does not want to be calling it right now.

i feel very sorry for you. you must be very sad and upset right now.

teenagers can be little so and so's at the best of times let alone when there is a step- parent involved.

as i say, i did think it was very strange that he didnt move with you.

give me an update when you get one- if you want

good luck

Answer 5

i have been in a similiar situation. when my husband (at the time) moved down south for a job, it wasn't one month he was gone and he had met someone else. it was because of a fight that we had over the phone that he went searching for something, and found something temporary, a fantasy he called it. i would definitely give him some space. as tough as it is to do that, if you really love him, leave him one more message stating that you are here for him when he is ready. meanwhile, don't contact him anymore, and go on about your daily routine, and add a little something you enjoy doing to help occupy the mind.

Answer 6

maybe he forgot about your daughters birthday with all the turmoil and arguing. You have called and texted him more than enough already, back off. It's still early, he still has time to call her and say happy birthday if mommy will just not blow it for her,.

Answer 7

No matter what has gone on he should not ignore his daughter even more so on her birthday. I would leave him well alone. Its up to him what he wants to do next but dont keep sending messages.

Answer 8

Giving him space will give you a better idea of his intentions. As you've made every effort to reach him, the ball is now in his court. If you love him, set him free. If he loves you back, he shall return. If he doesn't you never had him to begin with.