One of my bestfriends, meets men constantly and doesn't mind if they are married or not. She also dates the most disrespectful men I've ever met, and she's ALWAYS calling me in the middle of the night to cry about, I've said little things, but is it my place to really confront her about how she lives her life?
2006-12-08 04:44:56 · 35 answers · asked by Lola 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Not to be unfeeling...
The best you can do is to be there for her. When it comes to love lives, people are head-strong and just do not want to listen. One "big" confrontation is the best you can do, and then after that leave it alone. And by confrontation, I mean "gently but firmly" tell her your concerns and turn the situation around: what would she say if you were the one meeting up with married men? What if she were married and found out her husband was cheating? As for the middle-of-the-night business, she needs to respect your need for sleep; if you think she wouldn't take the hint too nicely that you don't want to deal with it at stupid-thirty in the morning, turn off your ringer. Good luck.
2006-12-08 04:51:47 · answer #1 · answered by arsch14121 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say my piece, clearly and bluntly, just once. Then I would do my best to keep quiet about it.
I am in this position with my sister, the married man part not the disrespectful part. Since she knows how I feel, she barely ever brings him up. She's my sister so I can't really ditch her, but if it was a friend and I couldn't stand hearing about it and couldn't stand seeing her hurt herself, I'd step away from the friendship and tell her why.
When I went through a period of dating disrespectful men, one of my friends walked away from me and though I felt hurt and angry, after a little time passed I realized it was a good that she did that because it helped me to hit bottom on it and work to change my ways.
2006-12-08 04:55:53 · answer #2 · answered by clearriversflow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You friend has a thing for men that treat her badly and/or won't commit to her. She has that in common with about 80% of women. It's not a coincidence that she keeps talking to these guys that dog her and even though she complains about them, if they wanted to treat her right she wouldn't be interested. She'll no doubt marry a man that will cheat on her with someone like her. Say what you want if it makes you feel like you did something, but it won't make a difference.
2006-12-08 04:59:51 · answer #3 · answered by Chris D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently your friend is looking for love and acceptance--just in all the wrong places. I think it is a good idea for you to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with her because she might not realize how vulnerable she's becoming. Also, she might not realize the reality of the situation and that it's not fair to affect someone's family because her own needs. That's selfish.
If you sit her down and let her know you are concerned, she might come to grips with what she's doing and learn that she needs to work on herself. She needs to stop trying to get men to love her before she loves herself. She's got to love herself first. These men are disrespectful to her because she allows them to be. They see that she's disrespecting herself and say, "well why should I respect her?"
2006-12-08 05:14:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's simple, you can not recreate someone's self esteem level. All you can do is tell her the truth, about how it makes you feel, not about how its benifial to her. she may value your relationship with her more. At this point, she is grown i'm sure, set in her ways. You may not be able to turn this around. She will have to find out for herself. This type of stuff only gets worse, hopefully she wont be drawn to the situation more as they become more destructive. Tell her what you think and how it impacts you, see what she says. Maybe if you talk down her in a condescending, she may be attarcted to that and listen. Try it.
2006-12-08 05:07:54 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can ask them one question... how would you feel if someone was sleeping with your man. Ask them how would they feel if they married and some woman was sleeping with their husband knowing he was married? Tell them what do they expect to get out of a relationship based on lies and mistrust. Surely they will not get the happiness they all deserve. You are their friend so speak up. But sometimes it is best to stay out of it... but they are involving you when they call you in the middle of the night.
2006-12-08 04:48:28 · answer #6 · answered by Sassy Shut Your Mouth 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should say anything about her talking to married men because it could be just that... talking. As far as the disrespectful men... try to find her a nice guy that you think she would get along with and set them up on a date.
2006-12-08 04:48:04 · answer #7 · answered by Rebecca M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes! You should confront he about this issue. If you really are a true friend, then you would want what is best for her and that may mean telling her in a nice way that what she is doing is wrong.
2006-12-08 04:49:58 · answer #8 · answered by Runningforthegold 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, as a friend you have that prerogative. If you care about her, tell her to do something about her life before it'll turn completely messed up. Try to talk to her about it but not to the point of sounding like a mother hen and totally meddling with other things you aren't supposed to meddle with
2006-12-08 04:49:33 · answer #9 · answered by Saltbreaker 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can make a gentle suggestion but it is her journey and her learning experiences. If you value the friendship stay quiet and if you don't really care to continue with this relationship be blatantly honest. She is aware of what she is doing and really doesn't need to be reminded of her unhealthy choices.
2006-12-08 04:47:15 · answer #10 · answered by Deirdre O 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋