If my husband never says he loves me, does he really?

Question

We got married in feb after knowing each other only 3 months (i know, stupid). we are totally opposite, and he really doesnt like who i am, so i've been putting up a front since then trying to be someone he likes.
in july after my birthday he told me that he really does love me, i just need to be patient with him. but he never tells me he loves me, doesnt try to kiss or even hug me. i feel like im living with a distant roomate. im tired of it, and i feel like im dying inside. what do i do? does he really love me? he says his actions say he does, (ie he puts a roof over my head, makes enough so i dont have to work, lets me do what i want-i do a bunch of volunteer work, provides for my needs, etc)

MrNiceguy- thanks alot.

Before we got married things were perfect. He said he did love me, and he even acted like it. the day we got married things changed. its like night and day.

ps. we have tried counsling. and lots of it. htings get better for a week and then back to crap

Answer 1

Honey, let me tell you a secret. In a way, you and your husband are both right AND wrong. When your husband says that he doesn't need to say he loves you, I sort of agree with him. Me and my hubby don't say I love you to each other very often because we both find it kind of forceful and corny. However, we do show affection in physical ways like hugging, kissing, etc. and of course, actions speak louder than words. If you are not happy and as you said, feel like you are dying inside, it is both you AND your husband who need to work on this. A marriage is a two way street, when you said you tried to change yourself to make him happy, if you do not like some of the things he does, he should attempt to change those habits. Try to remember, don't change who you are, that is a part of your identity. If there are certain habits that your hubby doesn't like, or vice versa, then it's okay to change those, but it's never okay to change yourself as a whole. Marriage is all about an open communication, trust, sacrifices and loving each other for who you are. I hope this helps honey, good luck.

Answer 2

Your husband *may* very well "love" you, in his own way. But it's possible that his idea of "love" and its expression differ from yours. He doesn't feel the need to be affectionate, whereas you do. It's like the two of you speak different languages; he expresses himself in a way that makes sense to him - but it's meaningless to you; and vice versa. It is a serious difference.

Unless both people possess an inordinate amount of wisdom, maturity and self-knowledge, three months is not enough to make a determination whether or not marriage is going to work for them. You have to understand that within the first few months, things seem great because your brain is flooded with the "feel-good" chemical signals; being infatuated is a lot like being high on drugs. Would you stubbornly stick by a bad decision you made while intoxicated or stoned? I hope not. Just because you got married for the wrong reasons, doesn't mean you have to perpetuate this mistake. Most likely, you two are not going to get along enough to keep the marriage going. It's great that you're making attempts to save your relationship... but don't forget that sometimes it IS just a bad decision. There's nothing wrong in admitting your mistake and moving on. Hopefully, lessons learned will help you in the future.

Answer 3

Putting a roof over your head and making enough money for the both of you are not indicators of real love ... these things are nice for feelings of security, but if there is no real love, then these things mean nothing. You deserve someone whom you truly are in love with and vice versa.

Honestly, and I'm sorry if this sounds blunt, but this seems ridiculous. How can you live like this? I'm speaking from experience when I say that you need a loving relationship with your spouse, despite the amount of money he makes. After being in a relationship that sounds similar to yours and then being with my current husband, I realize what a difference real love makes. It is so much better--trust me. If you are an affectionate person but are not getting it from your husband, then you will suffer in the long-run. I am sure of it. If things do not or cannot change, please do both him and you a favor and leave. Believe me, there is a person out there who will love you and you will look back and wonder why/how you were with a person like this.

Answer 4

Is it even worth it if you have to put up a front and not be who you are? Actions are great but telling someone makes all the difference in the world cuz when you hear it from the other person it just makes you feel so good.

Answer 5

wow, that must been hard for you not knowing if he does love you or not. I tell my wife every day and every night telling her how much I love her and Even my kids alots of times how much I love them.

I think you should work because what if something happen between you guys not last. But thank goodness if you have a job and it will save you alot of plm. I am so sorry for him not telling you how much he loves you. My wifes tells me too. My dad never said I love you much. my mom tells me she love me so much after she beat the crap out of me.

I make sure being husband and father make sure they got alot of full love from me LOL. But, how can a person need to be patient with him...??? If you were my wife you would know how much I love you by saying that , touch you and make love to you and go places with you and try new things, and new sex thigns, and so manythings that I enjoy doing with you. YOu know what I mean, I do alot things with my wife and kids alot.

I think you should think before you have baby. I was married before and I wasn't sure if she loves me or not but knowing it never stop. so i made sure no sex wit hher for 8 months. and she threat me 4 time want to divoced me. I end it period, and met the second person wow much better.

Guess what we only known eachother for 4 months and we been married for 9 years and daughter is 3 and son is 2 and 3rd due next year. I am glad I didn't have kids from my first one and second is better smiling. If I did I putting my child hard time see me with wife and 3 kids and home with them and not my kid at home with her? ya know??

So try to think about it. No sex that is 100 pecent safe sex. and if you do then let me know. greenbaypackers1920 @yahoo.com
thnaks

Answer 6

Some men are not expressive verbally, they do things for you that show they care and love you....I didn't get married in 3mos but I was engaged in three months and married a year later....When you're comfortable with each other and he makes you feel like no other, than love and marriage does not have a time limit....

Answer 7

nikk,

I love you, if you would like to hear that often and still not have to work and have a roof over you head come see me and well chat.

But seriously it sounds like your hubby was a lot like me I at first bottled things up with my ex I have since learned that you cant keep everything to yourself its not good for marriages that takes communication and not physical things now I am single again and hopeing to find another lady every now and again you need to hear those 3 little words that I think the majority of all guys fear because they seem to think "well I said it there goes my sex life"
but thats not ture so good luck hon I hope I helped you out a little.

Answer 8

Maybe he doesn't know how to say it, but I guess he does because he is basically taking care of you. But now a days you never know. And I hope you know that you will die inside (lose yourself) if you are trying to be the person he wants you to be! If he loved you, you should be yourself and he will still love you the same!!!

Answer 9

The thing is, maybe he really does, its just that some people are not really good at showing affection. It runs in my family, so I can relate. I hardly ever say I Love You to my honey, cuz I feel stupid saying it.... but I'm inlove with him more than he will ever know! Show him how....

Answer 10

i rushed into a relationship with a guy in a month. i got pregnant we were going to get married he said he loved me. i dindt marry him because i end up funding out he had a horrible past. we do have a child toghether but we were not in love it was lust. til this day he swears he loves me but in that short period of time i dont think love develops. no he doesnt love you and he probably is cheating.