Question for married people?

Question

I am at the end. My husband and I do not respect one another's feelings or point of veiw. I love him dearly and we have two children who are counting on us being there for them. I don't whant my marriage to be over but it seems like that is where we are headed. Does anyone have any suggestion on how to get back the respect for one another?

It didn't start with the kids. we have no family around to watch the children so we could go to counceling. And I don't trust people to watch our kids.

Answer 1

Seek counselling. Make divorce not an option.

Answer 2

This sounds like a case for marriage counseling. I don't believe that a marriage can succeed without respect all around. I think you need to get a professional involved to try to determine if you can heal the relationship; if not, how you can end it in a way that does the least damage to everyone, including your kids.

With regards to you being there for your kids: that includes having the guts to end a marriage that is frozen in lack of love and respect and has become a source of pain and anger or coldness. Sometimes marriages just don't succeed, and it isn't necessarily anyone's fault. People make mistakes, misjudge each other, mature into different people than they were at the start of the marriage, or outside pressures cause terminal stress. When that happens, we owe it to our children to get them out of an environment that is unhappy and unhealthy for them. I firmly believe that children can do better if their parents make a good divorce instead of trying to stay in a bad marriage.

Answer 3

did this start when you had kids? my wife and I seem to care less about each other since we had our first baby four months ago.. I'm starting to think that kids are the #1 homewreckers.. no, that's just me being cynical.. I can see how it's easy to let kids get in the way of the marriage though.. they're so needy and the husband and wife start focusing only on the kids instead of each other.. I believe that family priorities should go like this:

1. God
2. Spouse
3. Kids
4. Career

notice that I put kids after spouse.. the parents set the foundation in any family, and if their needs are not being met, the rest is going to crumble.. if the husband and wife are not loving each other, then the kids are going to suffer.. it's wrong to make your kids a higher priority than your spouse..

of course my son is only 4 months, so it's possible my opinion may change after a few years.. but I'm going to try to keep my priorities in check.. maybe you and your husband need to re-evaluate your priorities.. just a thought..

Answer 4

Only thing I can say is sit down and get to the root of the problems within your marriage...Both of you need to take a day off while the kids are in school and talk and see what is going on in your marriage...When you talk, be very honest with each other and open up to each other like you've never opened up before....After that, come to a mutual agreement as to what you two are going to do to get your marriage back on track....Sometimes all we need is a little alone time...I know you guys have friends who can keep the kids just for a few hours so you guys can go out and have fun....You have to figure it out if you still care and love each other.....

Answer 5

Counseling, being open honest and direct. Remember this regarding your children. Yes they want mom and dad together and in their lives. You can both be involved in their lives even divorced. They I am sure would want you both happy. Them seeing and hearing the disrespect of one another is not a great tool for them to be learning. Nor do you want them to think this is what marriage is. As well you do not want them to grow being disrespectful to others because that is what they are learning from the two of you. So back up, look at the situation. If you are both willing get professional assistance only if your willing on both sides to be open honest and direct.

Answer 6

I have been where you are at right now. We were both overwhelmed with full-time college and jobs and things started to deteriorate. We sat down and talked (not yelled) and decided that no matter what, we were going to be true to the vows we took before God at our wedding and we STARTED OVER - all the way over without ever using the "d" word. He discretely started sleeping in the guest bedroom and we dated - for one month. No sex, nothing physical except a morning hug or kiss in front of our child who never knew we were struggling. By starting over and 'stepping back', we realized why we fell in love in the first place. It went so far beyond the physical - we actually talked, wrote notes to each other, and shared our deepest feelings with each other. After one month, we re-commited our love to each other at the altar of our church - no one was there but us - and it's been SO GOOD ever since! Marriage is such a powerful commitment - and too often when the going gets rough, too many couples call the lawyer and call it quits without making a decision to do WHATEVER it takes to make it work. I can tell that you love your spouse - you need to be IN LOVE with him as well! I wish you well - God bless you and your family!!!

Answer 7

All right, here it goes I have been married for 26 years it is not easy to be married this long it takes a lot of hard work, but some times you need to give in and compromise sometimes more then he has to. I do not like it but he is the man of the house and we as women have to be submissive weather we like it or not. They have to feel as if they are in control and do not like anyone to boss them around and we as women can at times be bossy only because we are the ones that run the house. Therefore, when he wants things done his way give him the benefit of the doubt! My advice to you is to sit with him and talk to him about what is happening to your marriage and that you are at the point of walking out do not yell or scream just talk like to grown adults and try not to cry men hate that. Ask him what he wants out of this marriage and then tell him what you want, but I do think you will have to bend more then him am sorry to say but this true. If you give him what he wants, believe me later on in your marriage he will hold you to his highest esteem! He will praise you and love you dearly my husband does and we are all happy for it.

Answer 8

It's sound to me you & hubby need a break from you every day life. If you want your marriage you have to find time with each other without the kids. Start being friends again, a lot of couple forget about inputing positive thoughts about each other. If you love your husband you need to fight for it. Start praying on a daily basic and ask God to guide you back togthere from the beginning. prayer works. Good Luck

Answer 9

Really simple if you and your husband really want to make this work then the both of you need to make an effort, and a big one, to start to respect each other all the time, and this means learning to think before you speak and how to act towards the other person and learning to respect yourself is a good start to learning to respect another human being.

Answer 10

Counseling or an outside third party where the both of you can sit and discuss each others feelings. Unfortunately when you guys try to communicate its probably a finger pointing match, neither one wants to give in. So maybe if you had someone sit w/ the 2 of you they may be able to decipher what each is trying to say.

Answer 11

First and not least,do you still make love or just a quickie...I only ask because in this case if you have that part left you can be as close as the day you fell in love.First you both have to sacrifice and take care of one anothers needs, in the rspect cooking,cleaning,or working share the responsibilities ,physically and financially,it takes two to have nice things.Don't be bull headed give in first the woman is allways the smartest and creative for these things,but men do want the praise as we do just do your part.I bet he will do his,even if you do more he will begin to do more.its like exampleing try never hurts ,you ask this I tell you it worked for me after a bad bad phase ,cheating ,drugs all the above.We came long way....PIXI:)
GOD BLESS HIS PRAYERS ARE ANSWERED WHEN ASKED>>>HAVE A NICE DAY......V