Unmarried Seperation-Child Custody?

Question

My boyfriend has decided after seven years to leave me and our one year old son. Since we are not legally married, I am unsure of what my rights and options are, or if it is handled as a divorce. We have lived together for the seven years, and also shared a bank account. There has also been a history of domestic abuse between the two of us. He is currently awaiting trial in January, for charges of assaulting a public servant. If we end up in court over the custody of our child, can use this history against him to take away his rights as a father?

Answer 1

No divorce and yes you can bring up his criminal history to limit his contact with the child. You probably can get a protective order for yourself also.

Answer 2

Since you are not married but lived together so long and have a child together, I'm sure you have some rights. At the the least , he should still have to pay child support. As for the abuse, if he abused the child, take it to court to protect your child from him. Go see a lawyer, tell them the whole story even the small stuff and they can tell you what rights, if any you have in your state .

Answer 3

Hopefully. Be very careful, as abusers often continue their abuse after a breakup. Fighting with you over the kids is one of their favorite tactics. In fact, evidence shows that abusers are far more likely to challenge the mother for custody that non-abusive fathers. So document everything and take nothing for granted. And get a good lawyer if you can.

This is one of the best sites I know for moms trying to leave and abuser. Custody Preparations for Moms.

http://www.custodyprepformoms.org/

Answer 4

Check with the laws in your state, but since you have been living together so long, you are probably considered common law married. I don't think the courts would take away his rights as a father but his history of violence can be used against him so he will have only supervised visitation.

Answer 5

U have no right on him as there is no legal relationship. He has deserted u and ur son for the present. If and when he claims his right on the son, u can set up maintenance of the child and his character in assaulting a public servant.

Answer 6

You can submit it to the court, but the only thing it will show is that he does have anger problems. The court wont necessarily hold it against him unless the domestic violence has been against you or your son. I dont know what state you live in but alot of states have comman law marriage, which you would have to legally divorce because in the eyes of the court you were married.

Answer 7

In most states, the parent with domestic violence convictions cannot obtain sole custody. Check with an attorney. This is a very good arguement as to why its usually a good idea to be married. You have nothing in writing to help guard you since you weren't married.

Answer 8

properly, It feels like the mum could have greater custody rights. It feels like the daddy could be a terrible father. i'm sorry in case you have been hoping he could get custody, yet he will maximum likly no longer. in maximum circumstances, whether the parents are a stable place for the youngster to be, the mum gets the youngster besides because of the fact the mum is commonly a greater efficient ascertain(yet no longer continually). it fairly relies upon. If she has a job, a place to flow, a vehicle, adequate money to spport the youngster, then she would be able to probably get the youngster. She could could provide him visitation rights, like he ought to get the youngster another weekend or each weekend. it fairly relies upon on the guidelines in Texas. She could have had a rearson to flow away, or she would not have. Ask her and him related to the placement. verify up on the guidelines on your state. you may definatly visit courtroom, its the only thank you to ascertain the subject handy.

Answer 9

OK this is what you need to do, i went through this so i know. as of right now both of you have the same rights. you need to as quick as you can go and file joint are full custody. you need to do that before he gets a chance to do it, if he files before you that's not good for you because there is a stronger chance he could get custody of the child. so really it comes down to who files first. so do what you got to do

Answer 10

1) In regards to his paying support to YOU, it depends on your state laws regarding commonlaw marriage. If he was supporting you solely, you might get some palimony, but the courts will probably limit it and urge you to get a job of your own ASAP.

2) Each parent technically starts with the right to joint physical and legal custody; however...

3) Since there is a history of domestic abuse between you AND it is documented by police reports or something similar, you should be able to apply for an emergency TRO (Temporary Restraining Order) until the court can properly examine the issues. If there is no documentation, then it's your word against his. One thing that is potentially problematic with this is the way you worded your domestic abuse as 'between the two of us'. That sounds like it went both ways, with you perpetuating domestic abuse upon him and vice versa. If you both go off about this, child protective services could possibly (and maybe even rightly) take custody of your child until an evaluation can be done.

4) You can bring up the alleged attack that he's going to trial on. However, we are in December and generally speaking Courts go dark (i.e. everybody takes off a couple of weeks depending on the judge's whim). Even if you were to somehow be assigned to a judge who will not only not take off, but prevent his clerk, court reporter, and bailiff from going - you can't just say something like, "Yeah, I'm coming in this upcoming Monday." No, you have to file legal paperwork and then will be assigned a court date, usually months away due to the overloaded system. You COULD try an ex parte, but you'd have to have a serious threat to you or your child's welfare, not to mention getting paperwork in. From the sounds of it, neither of you has filed paperwork which means that you don't have a judge to call or a case number to give them. Then there is once again the fact that most courtrooms go dark the last two weeks of December, if not more. The point of this being...

5) Your ex is going to trial before you'll likely be able to get in paperwork and a court date, so if he is aquitted of the allegations, you have nothing to stand on with bringing it up. You'll point it out, he'll retort that he was found innocent. If he does get convicted, yes, bringing it up will be very useful. Think carefully, though, whether he has ever or will possibly ever harm your child. Just because you guys have problems and he attacked somebody else does not mean that he will be a threat to his child. And whenever possible, joint physical custody will be better for your child, though it likely won't happen until the baby is fully weaned. Children need both parents unless there is something seriously wrong with one or both of them.

6) If you are breast feeding, that would limit his visitations until the child is weaned. If he is possibly considered a threat and/or until a custody evaluation (which includes psych evals for both of you), he still might get monitored visitations, which either one or the other or both of you will have to pay for. If you try to refuse rights to visit for at least several hours because of breast feeding, you'll be told to pump your milk or put the baby on formula when with your ex.

7) You DO need to see a lawyer, or even a paralegal to help with paperwork to deal with first and foremost child support, then things like dividing up the joint bank account and whatever other money, items, and so forth that you both acquired while together. The sooner you start the process, the sooner these issues can be decided. You NEED to file separation papers at bare minimum so you can get into the legal system, get a case number, court dates, and so on.

8) Even if you are given sole legal and physical custody of the child; even if the father gets monitored visits or even no visits and a restraining order to prevent any contact with the child, your ex still is legally the childs father and legally has rights in theory. In other words, he can have a go at you on a regular basis trying to get visitation rights, custody, etc. The legal system will NOT take away those theoretical rights because if they do terminate all rights to him, they don't want to because even if he's a horrific father, he still pays child support. They do not want to take a chance on ending his legal obligation to do so on the odd chance you have to get some sort of financial aid and so on. They want to keep both parents viable so that if one or the other has to go on welfare or whathaveyou, they can garnish the wages of the other parent. This garnished money, while technically child and possibly palimony support payments, will NOT go to you until the city or county is reimbursed for whatever aid was given to you.

9) On a final note, get to an accountant ASAP because like it or not, your 2006 taxes are going to be joint, even if you usually file seperately. Unless you've had sole custody of the child for at least six months, you cannot claim the baby as your dependent only. And for future knowledge, if you get paid palimony, you will be taxed for whatever you are paid. Child support will be taxed for whoever is paying it.

Good luck and be prepared to have a very stressful year or two. Sorry I can't be more upbeat about it, but these things can go on for years, up to and even past your child turning 18.