Should I give up?

Question

ive been married for almost two years. before i got married i didnt know that my husbands family was crazy(grandma curses at me and insults me, and his mother is no better) so when we were first married we lived in his hometown but because of the abuse moved out of state--he keeps going back to his hometown to stay without me, i dont believe his is cheating, he just cant bare living without his psychotic family!! he even arranged the both of us to move back without me knowing about it at one point!!

he cant seem to stay away from them and there is no way i will put up with there foolishness, is there anyway he will ever learn that im suppose to come first?

Answer 1

If they are that crazy and don't care about your feelings, and if he continues to go back to his hometown to stay with them and actually wants to move back, you just really need to have a heart to heart talk with him to set him straight.

Tell him you realize they are his family, and you don't mind his visiting, but no long extended stays! Tell him that you cannot believe that from the way they treated you that he wants you and him to move back. Tell him it is out of the question, and tell him that if he doesn't start putting you first, that you will have to seriously contemplate ending the marriage.

Depending upon what he says and how he reacts, you should be able to figure out if he is even worth it.

I just have a feeling he is just not even worth it. I would set your mind that it is likely your marriage will be coming to an end.

Some guys are never ready for marriage and put the wife first.

Good luck to you!

Answer 2

so many people so many opinions!! when you get married the two of you become one as man and wife. i could see moving a distance but out of state? did he really have any say in the matter? no one should tolerate name calling or abuse. been there done that. no matter where you move or run the family will keep in contact because he loves them. pulling him away will only later cause you two contentions. did you arrange to move without his consent? maybe he arranged to move you back without yours? if, you move back and you cant take it and he is not there for you i would do what i had to do. how much do you love this man? you knew his family before marriage. you should be #1 and family #2 however, he should not have to cast them aside as crazy as they may be. the big picture is plain/ he keeps going back. in time they will get their way. especially since you don't go and don't know whats going on. make yourself happy and don't have babies if your not sure. its your future that lyes ahead and if you have children well he will always be in your life along with the family. so think real hard. its a decision you will have to make and live with. thanks

Answer 3

You are correct. You don't have to take that drama. First, of all you don't have to live with his family. Love them from a distance. You married him not the whole family OK. Second, your husband is wrong about going and staying without you. You need to question that . Whats really going on in your marriage? It's OK to go and visit sometime. And when you guys got married you guys became one individual. That mean you have to be together on all your decisions. Communicate? is the key to any relationship. Sit him down and talk to him. Let him know how you feel about the situation. And if he feel that "YOU" are not his number one priority
something is wrong. No matter how much he love his family, he have to cut them loose. I dont mean completely.Especially if its costing a strain on his marriage. When you grow older you have to give up boyish thing and become a man. Do you feel me. Let Me know the out come........

Answer 4

That is true and you are so right, Once you get married the spouse comes first than his/her family.

I can imagine your pain of being around his family, That would be very miserable.

If he wants to be around his family so much that outta tell you that maybe he wasn't ready to get married yet.

I mean you don't always have to stay in a relationship.

But divorcing because his family is psychotic is not a good reason. I mean it's not like they are your life, you can always do things without them, maybe you should talk to your husband about how you are feeling, and honestly tell him the truth and dont' be afraid of what he's going to say.

Answer 5

This is something you must pray about and ask God to open up his eyes to put you before his own family and also to change his heart. Once we become one in marriage we are to cleave to our spouses. It's a learning process, but be patient with him. It may take 1 month, 1 yr of 5 yrs. This is what marriage is about, staying committed to your spouse through the rough and tough times, and enduring through all the conflict. Your situation could be a lot worse, be thankful to have a husband that isn't cheating on you. But what i'm telling you is not a license to go out and cheat on him...That will make the situation worse...Show him that you can be trusted and that you need him to be there for you. Talk to him in a way that he will open up to you, don't look down on him, or damage his manhood by saying discouraging words.

Answer 6

It is called compromise! You asking him to move away from his family has only drove him back! Move back to that state but a few towns or cities away. There is one thing that can't change and thats your blood. I think you should try no matter how hard it is to put the differences beside ignore the nasty remarks and be the better person for your husbands sake. That is now your family too and you should be thankful to them no matter what b/c if it weren't for them people you dis-like so much your husband wouldn't even be here.

Answer 7

If he is allowing his family to abuse you, then yes. You should tell him how the cow eats the cabbage. If doesn't respect you enough to stop that BS, then you should find someone decent.

I understand that they are his family, but I don't understand why he would subject you to all that crap. You could live in the same town with them, but you certainly shouldn't have to socialize if they treat you that way. You also have to consider your attitude and how you can help matters as well. Don't play around with this one, this is serious issues with your marriage. He loves his family and he loves you; so do not make him make a decision either you or them. That's wrong. Just be fair about it.

Answer 8

have you talked to him about how his family treats you and curses at you, if not maybe thats the first thing you need to do. Let him know about this and how you feel about it. As far as him making plans to move back there, that is something that should have been discussed with you prior to deciding that. You need to let him know that decisions like these should be made together because you left there because of the problems from his family, why does he want to move back. The two of you really need to sit down and have a good talk, remember that communication is key to a good marriage. Don't give up on your marriage let him know how you feel and talk about it all, COMMUNICATE with him, my marriage ended because of lack of communication. Communication is so important in a marriage. Good luck.

Answer 9

Things that guys do in the beginning ladys they continue to to during the course of the relationship. If you are going to stay with him keep your distance from the family that will stress you out to much. I heard abuse if this is happening get out I know from exerperience it will only get worse it's call control he will take it little by little. You deserve so much more than that. Are you scared are not financially able to leave? They have people that will help you if you are serious. Life is to short you need to be happy anything or anyone that is stopping your happiness drop them it is hard but you will get over it with the help of family friends and counciling. God bless you

Answer 10

Dear me, what a problem. You will have to have a long talk with your hubbie, explain your feelings and what goes on with his family. I believe, when you marry someone, you are committed to making it work, but, sometimes there are circumstances that just make things impossible. If you can't make him understand your feelings, get out of the marriage. You'll always come second to them, and that is a horrible thing to live with, day in and day out. For some reason, some men can't break away from their family.