I am currently 21 years old, and my parents are getting a divorce. I thought that they would have done it along time ago when things weren't going very well, but they didnt, but i am no longer living with them and now they have decided to call it quits. I feel guilty like they have been staying unhappily together because of me. I expected it along time ago but now that it's happening i dont know how to deal. Can anyone give me some advice on how to cope better.
2006-12-08 03:32:35 · 12 answers · asked by Ridin' Dirty 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi, my parents divorced when I was 28. Even though it wasn't a huge surprise, it was still a hard shock to the system. It has been more than two years and in some ways I am still not over it.
This is a difficult thing to go through as an adult and people don't talk much about it--it's when children are young and their parents get divorced that people are always talking about.
There isn't a whole lot you can do. Just don't invalidate your feelings and try to keep communication open between you and your parents. And don't let either one of them bad-mouth the other one when they are around you.
DON'T feel guilty! This isn't your fault!
Good luck to you and take care.
2006-12-08 03:40:59 · answer #1 · answered by Gen•X•er (I love zombies!) 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends how old you are...when your 12 you can decide who you want to live with. My parents divorced when i was 6. I did not get to choose but the court decided i was to stay w/my dad and it worked out great.They decide which parent is best fit for the child and thats who you live with until you become an adult or when you turn 12 or so. No you don't have to move but if you want to move out of state the other parent has to be notified.
2016-05-23 06:37:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go get some counseling & I mean that seriously. They thought that staying together while you lived at home would make everything seem "normal". Don't blame yourself, it is NOT your fault. They thought they were doing what was best for you. My parents did the same thing, but I was the oldest & by the time my brothers moved out, I was already married. I went thru a divorce the same time as my parents, & that was a ******* nightmare. Concentrate on YOUR life, & let them sort their problems out. By all means DO NOT let them put you in the middle of it, & try to make you choose sides. Just let them know you love them equally, & refuse to be in the middle.
2006-12-08 03:45:52 · answer #3 · answered by dumbdago 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
More than likely, they did choose to stay together for you. It is true that many times it is the best thing for a child for parents to stick it out and stay together for the kids, if at all possible. You see, children truly need both a father and a mother. And they see more of their mother and their father if they are together.
Please try not to feel bad or guilty, as this was their decision, not yours. Unless they were fighting a great deal and unless there was verbal or physical abuse involved, they probably did make the best decision.
Financial issues may have easily played a part as well. It is much harder to provide for a child when the parents are split up. Plus having to pay child support for one parent plus have a life of their own is quite difficult to do.
Try to look at it as though this is a new beginning for both of them, and pray for their happiness. It is true, that this is a new beginning for them.
I hope you and your family have great holdiays! Good luck to you!
2006-12-08 03:41:16 · answer #4 · answered by peekie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firs of all this is not your fault. Your parents made the decision to stay together for as long as they did and now they made the decision to divorce. People stay together for various reasons, many times for their kids. Now you are on your own and your parents are free to do what they want. They stayed together because they believed it was the right decision, it was their life and you don't need to feel guilty. All you can do right now is to be supportive to your parents and tell them that you understand. After all, they are probably happy now. Be happy for them.
2006-12-08 03:43:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see a clear sign that they love you. Are you sad that they are getting a divorce or that they didn't break up sooner?
Cherish their love, they may not be together any more but that definitely does not mean they love you any less.
Your an adult now, when you have your own family, try to avoid the lessons that your parents where not able to avoid. Marriage is not all a bed of roses, it takes a lot of care.... they just let those weeds get out of hand.
(And watch out, try to avoid taking any sides in future arguments between them.)
2006-12-08 03:43:45 · answer #6 · answered by Darren 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are two seperate people and have different ideas about things. Sometimes a marriage just runs out of gas and they divorce. It has nothing to do with you. Love them both as they love you. You cannot blame yourself for anything. They tried to work it out but could not. Hopefully they can still talk and be friends. It happens to a lot of people. Talk to both of them about your concerns and what you are thinking. You'll feel better after talking with them. Good Luck.
2006-12-08 03:38:26 · answer #7 · answered by Snuffy Smith 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what a therapist once told me:
The most important thing to know is that you are not to blame for this. No matter how strongly you feel that you caused it to happen, you don't have the power to do that. Your parents are the ones who ultimately make the choice to separate. I don't know if that really answers your question, but I wish you the best of luck in dealing with this.
2006-12-08 03:36:38 · answer #8 · answered by kid_at_heart 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Join the club
2006-12-08 03:39:51 · answer #9 · answered by X 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
At least you are 21 and not 12
that should help you cope with it better
2006-12-08 03:35:27 · answer #10 · answered by You may be right 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋