Is it him or me?

Question

Me and my husband are arguing everyday. Im pregnant & very depressed. He tells me everything is my fault all the time and just keeps shouting at me. Im fed up with it hes making me so miserable. What do i do?? I dont see that leaving him is an option - mainly cos i have nowhere to go and i dont want to prove everyone right about us not lasting.

Answer 1

This happened to me - It is a mixture of your hormones raging out of control, his subconscious frustration may be because of your physical appearance (pregnant) or inability to cope with how you are at the moment.

Consult your GP or Health Visitor (Midwife) ASAP you must share these things with them it will help.

Believe me this is a short term problem and keep your chin up!

Answer 2

It doesn't matter about everyone else being right and you being wrong, if you're unhappy f*** him. Don't blame all your guys' fighting on your "pregnancy hormones" either, it takes two to tango. If things are really unbearable it could effect your babies health (if the mommy is upset the baby feels and suffers for it too). Maybe you have a sister or nice aunt or someone you could go stay with for a "trial seperation" type of thing, see what happens there. Believe me, there is ALWAYS somewhere to go and there is ALWAYS more than one choice for your life. If you believe the hormones are depressing you as well, try a LIGHT anti-depressant, it might help sooth your nerves. but consult your doctor obviously FIRST. (when i say light, i mean LIGHT. it's never good to be on medication while pregnant). Be sure to eat loads as well, you're pregnant! haha and deserve to pig out! I hope everything gets better, and here is a 'prayer' for you i was told by my psychiatrist when i had abuse issues, try to repeat this to yourself as often as you can-
I didn't cause this
It is NOT my fault
I can't fix it. (at least not alone).
xoxo.

Answer 3

I think there is more to your question that what you have told us. Were you fighting before you got pregnant. Are you struggling with finances, etc. Did he want kids in teh first place? I think those are some pretty pressing issues.

In the end, don't stay with him to prove people wrong. Stay with him because you choose to and choose to have a stable home for your family. If he shouts at you, quietly say, "I will not talk to you when you are shouting at me. When you can talk with me about what is really bothering you, you can come find me, but I refuse to acknowledge someone who is yelling at me." Then, go and lock yourself in the bathroom or bedroom until he calms down. You don' t want him to yell at the baby that way, do you?

You probably are more sensitive to him than usual because of all of your hormones as well. Just don't listen to him. Also, it wouldn't hurt to find a friend to confide in or seek professional help for your depression. Many women have the same thing happen to them when they are pregnant. You could use this time to work through some of your differences and problems. It would make the home your baby is going to live in a better place.

Good luck. And to answer the first question....it is him.

Answer 4

It is definetely him!

You being pregnant in someways is irrelevent, as he should be treating you with the love & respect you deserve, no matter what.

I would expect someone in his position to be so in love with you, as your carrying his child, that he would be doing anything & everything to make sure your happy.

The only questions I have are, was he happy when you found out you were pregnant? Was the pregnancy planned? I am not trying to be horrible, but if he wasn't happy when he found out, & it wasn't planned, could he be feeling trapped? Scared of the responsibility?

It doesn't make it right, but it might help explain his behaviour.

I really do think you both need to talk to each other, & find out how both of you are feeling about your pregnancy. When was the last time you did that?

I really hope this works out for all of you.

Answer 5

Not being a fly on the wall, Who is Right or Wrong is a problematic answer to come up with. However, though it might not seem like it, Being Right or Wrong is not really what is going on 'tween yous two.

No idea what it is, but you both need a way out of the dilemma.

If it helps you any then..........

There are THREE beings in the relationship.

There is

You as a 'Person'

Him as a 'Person'

and You as 'TheCouple.'

If One of yous wins an argument, then not only does the Other Person lose, but so does the Couple.

Winning & Losing an argument, by definition, DAMAGES the 'Couple.'

You win, ok, but You loose also.

He wins, ok, but He looses also.

It's a Win = Lose = Lose situation.

Sorry, it's difficult to explain in this way, but you BOTH need to 'see BEYOND' the arguments and ask yourselves what is going on .....and if you really care what is happening to you as a couple, then find someone to help you off of this your 'misery-goround.';

Best of luck.
Sash.

Answer 6

He is behaving very badly. This is a time when you need to be loved and cared for, a time when you need as little stress in your life as possible. He is acting in an immature and selfish way and the stress he is putting on you could affect the unborn child. I would advise you to get away from this selfish man - even if it means moving into a hostel. I think verbal abuse is just as bad (if not worse) than physical abuse - I know what you are going through because I went through it myself when I was pregnant. I am a single parent now and much happier than I ever was before.

Answer 7

this should be a really happy time and he should be treating you like a princess.i don't think us men understand the pregnancy thing,our part is normally over in 3 Min's where as the woman has a long haul ahead.
i think a good long heart to heart chat is needed,tell him how you feel,and find out why he is being so horrible/selfish don't let the situation drag on where you both get to a point where you both have had enough.
you have the little baby to think of..

Answer 8

being pregnant makes you moody, so why not take things a little more peacefully, a little more comfortably, if not for you, for your baby's sake. Nobody's gonna make your life miserable if you don't let them. I'm not telling you to fire back at him, i'm telling you to try and find your inner peace, so when he gets home and starts yelling at you, it will not affect you or your baby. It's been proven that our feelings during pregnancy have an effect on the unborn child.
Try yoga, relaxation techniques, go for a walk, just don't let him get to you.

Answer 9

It's impossible to know without hearing his side of the story too. If you are depressed, it could be because of him, or it could be something that needs sorting out within you, it could even be to do with your hormones. You should go to a doctor, and try to get to the root of the problem, and remember, when you are depressed, it effects everybody around you as well

Answer 10

camys dad has given a decent opinion.

its true that people cant make others be or do things...

if its really not going to work then you should consider all options which include leaving him - and there is always somewhere to go.... you can rent somewhere else.

go to the CAB (citizens advice bureau) for advice.

however try talking to each other - not at home as that tends to fuel the fire......

try going out for dinner or something and have a calm discussion there.

good luck.