I need more people to read my story & I need feedback on it?

Question

My friends and I are writting a book that was inspired by the books "TTYL" and "TTFN" by Lauren Miracle.

We need more readers and I would like to know how to get more people to read it.

I also need feedback on it.

Please read the story & tell me if you like it. If you have any ideas, feel free to tell me!

Also, if you enjoy reading it, a new chapter will be up soon so make sure to tell your friends the link also!

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3275838/1/

is the link. Thanks!

Also, if you see a random P after any sentance, we were trying to make a smiley face :P

but fanfiction.net ruined it. So in the next chapter we're not going to be making any smileys.

Answer 1

It is a pretty good story. Thumbs up for your hard work and effort.

Coach

Answer 2

OK give me a bit of leeway here, I'm old and easily confused. Is this piece meant to be performed or read as is? It might work as a performance piece but to read as it was it was quite confusing. The dialogue is amazing, clearly you are a great observer of human nature and interactions, that will help you a lot as a writer. But if anything it's a bit too nature. Performance dialogue moves much quicker then when you are reading it. Sometimes you need to leave bits out that you might actually say just because they don't read well.

Also................sorry what happened? Maybe I missed it? I felt like I'd overheard a school yard chat, which clearly it was supposed to be, but I didn't feel that anything had moved on or happened at the end of it. Perhaps I need to spend more time getting to know the characters.

well done. you obviously have a lot of potential as a writer.