I WALKED IN and caught my husband standing over my daughter.?

Question

It was late. He thought I was sleep. Nothing happened because I walked in too soon. I talked to my daughter and we have a great relationship and she does not know nothing. He claims nothing happened. it's pretty weird for him to be in her room. we are seperated now. have this happened to anyone.
My daughter wonders why we are seperated. I won't tell her.

he is my daughter's step-father. I believe that his standing over her was nothing innocent. we are seperated because of my suspension. my daughter is 11 years old

my husband use to watch lots of pornography. I pretty much stopped that atleast in my house and in my presence. he had his ex-girlfriend call him daddy-"his diary says this" I know it's not inoccent.

Answer 1

you know the answer. just leave.

Answer 2

It is wonderful to hear of a mother putting the safety of her child first. There must be other behaviors that has caused you to be suspicious. Tell your daughter that your marriage is a completely seperate part of your relationship with her. Compare it to a friendship she might have with a teacher or classmate. When she is alot older you can be more specific. However, it is especially critical that you speak to her about good and bad touches. After doing so assure her that she would never be blamed because it is the grown-up who is old enough to know better but sometimes they have sicknesses in their minds. Then ask her to tell you if that has ever happened to her. Also, tell her for the future some of the tricks and lies that a perp might say to her. e.g. I will hurt your mom etc...
Tell her that she is the strong one with the power otherwise someone wouldn't try to make her keep the secret and that the person who is trying to make her keep a bad secret is actually afraid because they know what they are doing is wrong and know that they will be in trouble.
She is 11 so the simple words above can work.
Good Luck!

Answer 3

You really don't know how to convey information effectively. You're also telling the wrong people. Furthermore, you have terrbile taste in men. Good thing you separated ... I have no idea what kind of 'suspension' causes people to be split, but w/e works, right? Do you know how damaging it is to be ambiuous about serious matters? Why in the world would you think Yahoo Answers can help with that? You need to call Social Services or a private social worker if you can afford it.

Only reason I'm writing this really is to say that I hope you talk to your daughter about it because there may be something she needs to tell you. Acting like you can't talk about something will cause her to retreat into a shell / become non communicative. That might hurt her more than the actual alleged experience. Also, for God's sake, don't convince her she was molested if she wasn't.

Answer 4

Don't let him see her unsupervised. What a sick person it's a good thing you walked in you are a great mother for immediately acting. I have heard of so many women that keep letting it happen because they claim they love their husbands so much. The child should ALWAYS come first. It is your job to protect her and I'm happy that somebody protects their children!!

And I wouldn't tell my daughter what happened I wouldn't wanting her thinking less of her father even if he was an idiot.

Also I would think about going to the police. This may cause them to talk to your daughter, but you never know if another little girl is in danger of this man.

Good luck. you and your daughter are in my prayers.

Answer 5

Yes, I have had this to happen to me. My aunt's husband did this to me, when I would baby-sit and spend the night. I would pretend I was sleeping and hope that he would go away, I was only 13! It did not stop there, he began to fondle me every chance he got, he always thought I was sleeping, and I would become so scared and ashamed, I couldn't tell anyone for fear that my aunt would be sad since he was her third loser. I thought this was my fault because I was going through puberty and that was attracting him to me. Eventually, I confronted him when he walked in one night and I surprised and told him that if he ever touched me again, I would tell my aunt. Yes, it did some damage to my emotional well being. You need to get her as far away from this man as possible. And if somebody had asked me at the time, I probably would have lied about it too. I will almost guarantee it that something has happened. He is a pedophile and that is their typical behavior. Call the child abuse hotline and verify this information with them. Please, please, please, don't let this man around her for any reason.

Answer 6

If you are close to your daughter and she hasn't said her father has touched her, then my advice is to leave it alone. But if you are positive something weird was 'about' to happen, then you might have to have a talk first with your daughter, and secondly with the sicko x. Don't let him near her again tho. But you don't want your daughter to grow up with this hanging over her, she might go to some past lifer and imagine up all kinds of rubbish. I have a family member doing some kind of crap dream therapy and now she is accusing the men in our family of horrible things. Be careful how you proceed with this. If the x wasn't doing anything, you will destroy the relationship between them, if he was about to, he needs help/locking up.

Answer 7

I would be very concerned about my daughter first off. I would get her out of that situation as quick as possible, because if your first instinct wasnt good, and my first instinct wasnt good when i first read this; then most likely this is a bad situation and you need to take action immediately. Do you believe you daughter when she says she does not know anything? Do you think she would tell you if he was hurting her?

Answer 8

Your not explaining what you mean by standing over her, My husband goes in the kids rooms every morning and kisses them before he leaves. Have you ever just stood there and looked at your children sleeping before? Could be innocent. I think you would know it if your husband was a pervert.

Answer 9

I think you may have some trouble on your hands. I don't know him, and I don't know the whole situation, but if you have ANY inclinations that something happened to your daughter, you need to contact law enforcement right away.

This is nothing to be taken lightly, you know that. In my profesion, I have seen the aftermath of unreported incidents. You will need to have some form of proof, the police cannot search with out cause. PLEASE talk to your daughter. Tell her what happened.

She may know something but may be embarrassed to talk about it. Do not let it go.

Answer 10

Get him out of your house unless there was an explanation for him being there. If not DONT BE STUPID. he is probaly charlie chester the child molester. I would never put a man before my CHILD! Too many woman make the stupid mistake on a daily basis. And why are you separated? I'm curious now.

Answer 11

Confront your husband. Why was he there? What was he doing?
I go into my kids rooms all the time to make sure they are ok when they sleep.
Could you be jumping to conclusions? Maybe. But maybe not. It is always good to put your kids 1st. But like others have said, you need to get more information from your husband.