My husband has betrayed me, but now he acts as if he really loves me. I don't tust him. and the love is gone.

Question

he betrayed me. now I guess he regrets it. and now he seems to love me more than ever. my children want our family to stay together. but i'm not sure I can trust him again. When I lack trust, the love seems to disappear. When I am not thinking about the betrayal things can be good, but when we are together, i think about it and regret being with him. This betrayal goes beyond cheating. I should just leave him? right?

Answer 1

Don't leave just yet. Betrayal takes a long time to put it behind you, and some people can't get over it, but some go on to have a stronger relationship after the fact. Of course, you are angry and frustrated and hurt, but those are feelings that come with being betrayed. No, you don't owe him anything and he was not justified for failing you, but if there is any hope of forgiving, you need to give it your best shot. If you can't get past it in time, then you need to put everyone out of their misery by divorcing. Yes, I agree divorce is optional, but try all other possibilities before making that conclusion. Good Luck!!

Answer 2

You have to decide what you want to do, and if you decide to stay, the betrayal can't come up any more. You have to get past it. Your staying with him is telling him you forgive him and are willing to give it a second chance. But you can't punish him anymore. If you can't live with it then you need to leave. Only you can make that decision.

If I may share with you my experience. I was married for 15 years and have 3 really great boys. They are the light of my life and if it weren't for them I wouldn't still be alive. WHY? I'll tell you.

My ex was my 1st and only love. We married when I was just 18. Things were good from a distance. I kept telling myself that I was angry because it was my red hair or that my mom had a history of depression and maybe I had it too. My sisters were all on Prozac so I thought it was me. He liked very young girls, pornography and other sexually perverted acts. He was telling my family I was crazy, then he would antagonize my sister and I into fights just to prove his point.

It recently got so bad that he was secretly planning to move the boys to another state and he had my oldest sister convinced that he should move in with her and her family, and she agreed. Everyone believed I was nutso.

Anyway, I had decided to divorce him without knowing what he was planning. I discovered some pretty serious lies about college and finances that he hid from me and affected the family budget. He didn't have a job by the way. I was the sole support of the family at this point but my job was a low paying job and so there was no money ever. He didn't try to go get a job. Anyway, long story short...15 years of betrayal and when I finally found out he was leaving with the boys and planning on filing abandonment charges against me, I had no choice.

It was by far the #1 hardest decision of my life and I had the most difficult time making it, but when I did I was totally ok with it and my life the last 2 years is peaceful and my family can now see that he was instigating all the hatred and anger I had, he even convinced them I am bi-polar. I am not, and you can't fake that all this time, so that is the evidence that It was him and not me. I even found out that he tried raping my then 16 yo sister and 2 neighbor girls a few years before we divorced. He claims nothing happened but that doesn't matter to me. He tried to have sex with my sister!!! Then he tried telling me that he didn't remember because he was sleepwalking or whatever the excuse was, and then it was my fault cause I wasn't a good wife. Turns out he had these disgusting habits and fantasies since before we even met!!!

I hope you don't have the misery I did all these years. I have had the time of my life being single and HAPPY for the first time in my adulthood. GL

Answer 3

How recent did this situition take place? If it's just recently, I would wait and see if time will mend the pain/heartaches. Sometimes, things like this just need to pass over a few months, years before the relationship can continue upward again. I know that sometimes people think it's okay if the other spouse cheats, watch porn, or do stupid things like that and the other spouse should forgive/forget; but if that's against your morals/beliefs then maybe it's time to leave so your spouse would know what you stand for. But in your case, you should wait and still try to be the best wife/mother you can be. If over time, your feelings are not there for your husband, then you should talk to him and decide what you plan to do from there on. Sometime it's so easy to get a seperation/divorce but if you can stand during these tough times, then I'm sure your love for each other will be so much stronger many years from now, unless he doesn't change. Good luck!

Answer 4

It all depends on how you feel about the situation. I know the children want the family to stay together but you can't do it for the children because listen to mommy and daddy fight could screw them up more than anything.

If you think that the marrage can survive inspite of his betrail than go for it. But if you can't trust him and forgive then don't waiste the time.

Before you make a desition about what you wanna do I think you should try marrage counceling. Also sit down with him and find out what made him betray you.

When I was in the dating world I would leave a cheater quick but know that I'm married I don't know what I would do. If you can save the marrage and trust then go with that. If not don't put the kids in the middle

Answer 5

this occasion will reason you to question each thing you have ever theory approximately your husband, your marriage, or maybe your self. no person right here can answer the question for you. The question is, do you adore him sufficient to attempt anymore? not something can devastate a guy or woman greater suitable than understanding that their significant different has been untrue. You advance a bent to replay each verbal replace, action, and seem because of the fact which you attempt to verify why you probably did not see the replace or why you probably did not discern the lies. you're in all likelihood additionally questioning if he's sorry he cheated or sorry he have been given caught---why you weren't 'sufficient' for him. His cheating isn't approximately you or something which you probably did, he made a call, so now you could make your guy or woman. yet you do could forgive him, whether you come to a call to pass away him. The forgiveness isn't for him, whether that's so which you could be waiting to pass on including your existence, so as which you will end hurting. in case you could, possibly it may well be clever to chop up for a volume of time to be sure which you to benefit what you prefer with out his tears and apologies clouding your selection. And in case you do come to a call to stay, please purely make specific you adult males seek for some help. that's crucial in case you prefer to pass previous this. that's obtainable for this situation to make your marriage greater advantageous and greater helpful. And in case you do not choose the marriage, it is elementary to be greater advantageous and greater helpful.

Answer 6

Not sure what happen?? But if you lost TRUST in your husband. It may never come back. I have known my X*Husband now for 16yrs. When TRUST was out the window.....that was all i could think of. We wanted to keep the family together but that ended up hurting every1 in the long run. Now my children are 15 & 13. the oldest is not happy with her father @ all. My son will learn the truth in the future when he is older.

I would sugesst taking a break for a while. After the holidays seperate for a while to see if things will change. after sometime if it doesn't you will know what to do

Answer 7

Without knowing what the betrayal is, it's hard to advise you. But--you might want to give it some time to see if he can earn back your trust, Also--you might seriously consider going to a marriage counselor. If he will agree to that, then you will know that he's willing to put some hard work into making things right again instead of acting like it never happened.

Good luck!

Answer 8

If it was truely betrayal that went beyond cheating then it must be pretty bad...at least in my eyes.

I do believe in second chances and I believe it trying to keep families together, but depending on how bad you were hurt and how much you don't trust him you may not have a choice.

For what it's worth, I would try a second chance.

Answer 9

I feel for you, but this is really a decision you should make. Have you tried counseling? Or tried sitting down with him one on one and getting you feelings-all your feelings out in the open? If none of those avenues work then you must do what you think is best for your sanity, health and piece of mind. Because if you stay with him only for the children then thats not good for the children.

Answer 10

Follow ur heart hun, thats all that u can do in a situation like this..ask urself if it is worth putting up with this sh*t...dont stay together for the kids sake either, that will just make everything worse...good luck to u