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Let me explain. We're preggers and have had the scan. The missus said she wants a surprise, but I know she actually wants a girl, so I popped back into the doc's office and asked. Turns out it will be a lad.

So I've hatched a plan. Since we'll be in a hospital anyway, I'll lop his meat and two veg off as soon as he comes out and go: "it's a girl!"

Then I'll leg it off with the sprogg to the plastic surgery department and scream, "There's something wrong with my baby's c'unt!" The surgeons will make a plastic fanny and no one will be any the wiser for a few years... which gives me time to score some hormones to slip into it's food when it gets older so it can grow titties and stuff.

But how do I distract attention from the fact I'm mutilating our newborn son when the moment of opportunity arrives?

Could I pretend to have converted to a religion that's into circumsion and pretend that's what I'm up to, or can you help with a better plan?

2006-12-08 00:59:49 · 25 answers · asked by dr.twaticus 1 in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

25 answers

ask if you can cut the chord thing, whatever its called. then accidentily cut too much off!!! remember the scissors though, you don't want to be doing that with your teeth!

2006-12-08 01:07:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1 1

Go get a blow a blow up doll, cut the front bottom out and tape the item over the lads wotsits. Be far less painful for him. As regards the after effects of this procedure (i.e wearing dresses but able to strip and re-build a harley engine in an hour) with the NHS waiting lists the way they are, if you get him referred for psychotherapy now, he should get an appointment around the time he reaches puberty.

2006-12-08 01:10:29 · answer #2 · answered by minisandmoto 2 · 0 0

thats one of the best questions i've read yet. a better plan would be to slip the OBGYN a few clams to rectify the problem he could say he was only vewing the baby from the rear, but if that was the case you should be a very proud father. so your stumped sorry.

2006-12-08 02:24:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Try and convince her that she needs a C-Section. You'll be out of the operating theatre with the little tyke within a few minutes.

Then whilst she's getting stitched up by the doctors, you can stitch up your little boy and organise his sex change.

2006-12-08 01:03:03 · answer #4 · answered by mark 7 · 1 0

LOL, it's nice that you want your wife to be happy, but i'm sure she'll understand and love her little boy all the same. Besides, if u have a little girl next, she'll have a big brother.

2006-12-08 01:03:55 · answer #5 · answered by Nic Jones 5 · 0 0

i think you have thought about this way to much and need a bit of therapy .....just except what youve been given you can always try for another in a few years ....good luck with the baby

2006-12-08 01:05:17 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I wonder how many serious answers you're going to get for this? Me, I hate kids, so I'm not at all offended by baby mutilation jokes.

Nice one!

2006-12-08 01:07:26 · answer #7 · answered by lickintonight 4 · 0 1

You Need Proffesional Help.

2006-12-08 01:03:26 · answer #8 · answered by Desert Rose 1 · 0 0

Ummm I am sure she will be happy with whatever sex your baby comes out to be . No need to harm the child .

2006-12-08 01:02:34 · answer #9 · answered by niknak 2 · 0 0

Just announce to the nurses in front of her that you cant to cut the umbillical cord....when the time comes....slip

2006-12-08 02:47:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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