What should I do?

Question

I try so hard to make things work between me and my husband. I'm so unhappy with him. I've even tried mentioning counseling to make our marriage better but he refuses that idea. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like whats the point of trying.

We have a baby together and I believe in 'til death do us part' but does anyone believe that God would want me to stay in a marriage where I'll never be happy?

Answer 1

It's really hard to give you advise not knowing the actual flaws of your husband and what exactly it is that you are trying to improve.

Maybe if you stop putting effort in and stop going the extra mile and seem disinterested then he'll kick into high gear and start working to make things better.

Sometimes us men are so lazy that if we see the women doing all the work and putting all the effort that we go into veg mode because why spoil a good thing? Not all men are like this, I split house chores 50/50 with my wife and I deal with the children at night time (dinner, baths, bedtime stories...), but I know a lot of my friends who are lazy because their wifes let them be.

Answer 2

I see a couple af problems there. First off, if you're unhappy then why does he need counseling? You need the counseling. If he is willing to go with then things may be better but take care of number one first.
Secondly, are all the problems in the relationship along the same lines as the question? What I mean is, if you make a suggestion and he doesn't follow it does that always upset you? Maybe try looking at it from a little more of an "us" angle than a "me" angle. your counselor can help you with that part actually.

Answer 3

Stop focusing so much on him ... what he does that bothers you, worrying about all his faults. Constantly stewing and trying to fix him will make things worse for both of you. Stop trying to change him into whatever expectations you have of him, preconceived mold you are trying to fit him into, of what you think a real man or husband should be. All people look great from afar of, but are disappointing when you really get to know them. Can you find it in yourself to accept him as he is, love him dispite his faults, and patiently love him as he matures?
You are responsible for your own feelings. Be the bigger woman and be the best loving and encouraging wife he could ever ask for. You'd be suprised how this can make a man reciprocate. Do not go on dates with him to discuss the relationship or to conftront him with how he can be a better person, man, or husband. Pray for strength, you guys have probably created some unhealthy habits and cycles that will take time to break. Marriage relationships are hard work.

Answer 4

Many men dont like the idea of counselling because to them it just seems like your paying someone to get them to tell him how he should be. Counselling would help but right now you need to concentrate on getting your husband to see how unhappy you are.

Communication is the key to any good relationship. If you tried talking to him before then i suggest write a letter, tell him how much love you had for him now, how things have changed, how you feel, what you would like to happen and what will happen if he disregards your letter/feelings.

Or you can talk to him about everything mentioned above, he needs to know how you feel but many women forget that when they are feeling hurt its their feelings that only matter, remember you need to ask your husband how hes feeling about your marriage and what he would like out of the marriage too.

Lay out all your feelings and concerns and get him to do the same and then come to a resolution. Remember out of all of this is to stay as calm as possible because men dont like confrontational they get defensive when you try to tell them what to do. Just try to understand his point of view as well.

Last resort, if all else fails try taking a break from him for a month or two, its definately not a break up... some couples need breaks, its good for the mind and soul.

Answer 5

Difficult one. Counselling sounds like a good idea but if he isnt interested in that, it cantbe easy. Suggest to him that counselling is urgent and is needed. Try writing him a letter maybe explaining how you feel. Definently dont just get divorced but at the same time, dont stay in an unhappy marraige x

Answer 6

that's what happens when you put that ring on but seriously marriage is forever you knew that when you got married look if you love him and he STILL loves you i mean if you both are in love with each other you BOTH need to find a way to make it work its 50..50..not 90..10 he needs to help out too take a minute a breath and try not to put all the responsibility on you and if it doesn't work give me a call lol just playin good luck

Answer 7

When two people in a relationship have given up trying, that's reason enough to say your goodbyes, in my opinion

if you want to keep your marriage and are willing to fight tooth and nail for it, good luck to you.

But if your husband doesn't want to put in the effort, then take a deep breath and walk away.

You can lead a horse to water....as the old saying goes.

Answer 8

your not afraid of leaving him your afraid of leaving the idea of til death do us part but thats just how it will be he will kill you of a heart attack for all the agony and worries he will give you get out...

Answer 9

Get some consuling for yourself before you decide what you do.

Answer 10

try church.

When all else fails... you can always turn to God? whats the harm?

Good luck!