Would this upset you..need someone to give opinion-even though long..I'm unsure what to do?

Question

I am far below poverty level. Yesterday I had a minor car wreck. Hit a small wooden pole about 5 feet by 1 or 1-1/2 inches..brake failed and ran up curb in (empty) shopping center and down and up another curb. I think brake line broke (by stick that went under car). My brother always helps me with car. He has schizophrenia and my mom said he is not doing well. He came to get me and was real mean saying I did it on purpose (also said this to my mom before coming even though I was injured and having chest pain and shortness of breath and couldn't breathe right. Refused to look under car. called me mentally ill and said "I had something wrong with me." over and over. Kept yelling..finally looked under hood for a minute and said he thought it was brake line he thought and that I may have ruined alignment and hurt transmission because it was coasting and wouldn't stop (I was going very slow) and I put it in park instead of neutral. Said he wasn't fixing it (but I figured he would when in a better mood.

Called today and he said my other brother had a free tow someone owed him. Then they called and said they were "giving me" another car (later found out it will cost me 1200 and they will take from my about $3000 when my ill mom dies and they will not give me her car which I was going to be given as my brother gets the house till he dies and I'll be dead by then as I am 20 years older. I will junk my car they said (even though it may be a minor repair and fixable less than $100). Said the car is a 93 white cadillac seville (I have a 89 mercury grand marguis--beat up but I love as it so rarely breaks and every car in past 30 years but it broke constantly. Said it is great. Finally got aold of brother with car as he said call him at 5 am or he'll assume I don't want it. I said I want to look at it first. He got real offended and said he is an "expert" and I should accept his opinion. He said he must know now if I will take because some other guy want it for 1700 and he will be very tempted to sell it. I was upset no one consults me, was told it is decided (but apparently isn't) and my other brother doesn't want to fix it now (as he didn't want to anyway). I have little money to fix without them (can't afford shop) and no way to drive to see car. (he is moving tomorrow so both brothers tied up for 2 days. Meanwhile my car may be towed as I am not sure when I can get it..it's in shoppping center.

Would you be mad no one consults you, and you are pressured and when you say you want to see and dirve it and are nearly weepy, your brother gets mad. Do you think Ishould take the car..it has a lot of nice features apparently. My brother claims it is worth 4100 (but if so why is he selling it for 1700). He says he "loves that car" and apparently it's killing him to give it to me for 1200 instead of 1700...so stressful. Please advise! What should I do about car if I have no way to gwt there?

il padrino edit--
For your information, I do consider and am classified as in the very low income of section eight making $600 per month on disability. I did not make poor decisions. I was a full time homemaker 17 years when married, left for another women, went 100 places no one would hire, went to college after 20 years out of school, graduated summa c um laud with 3.9 GPA (5 1/2 years of school), 4 honor societies, degree in elementary ed, run over by a car (not my fault, recurrant cancer, severe clinical depression, multiple health problems. I never had cable in 57 years of life, got first computer 6 months ago as a Christmas present from children, pay 12.95 internet and save money on gas from not having to go to library. I am not exagerating..you know nothing about me.

There is no bus line for 4 miles. I have handicapped sticker on car and cannot welk more than 5 minutes without severe back pain from multiple car wrecks (20) that only 2 small ones were my fault. I am sure they are sick of the multiple car problems but my brother volunteers to help me because he cares about me, and I have cars that break all the time because I have to buy all cars at salvation army auctions and most are no good, This car was the best I ever had. At least I am not cruel to people I don't know and multiple people said I have a heart of gold. I played by the book and did the right things...sometimes life is just unfair. I'll grow up more if you start being so judgemental and things I can't say on here.

edit--I technically got icomputer for Christmas, but blow the motherboard 3 days later...had to wait while son built computer for me and then a problem so only had 6 of last 11 months...that's why I said 6 months

look, I don't know why you find it necessary to come on here when I am upset and insult me in the guise of helping..I even suspect you are trying to help me; however, one..I am not your mother so please don't project her onto me whjo you don't even know.

I have been told the following by people "you are the unluckiest person I know, and do you think God is mad at you and trying to tell you something and so forth. You seemed to have missed the part when I am currently disabled. I am 57 years old. I rarely lie..and am not lieing about anything I said..I did have about 20 wrecks none but 2 small ones my fault..I don't think the insurance company was even notified on some of them as the other party was clearly at fault and ticketed. I did not have insurance for many years as a situation arose and I had to chose between food and utilities and insurance. You will be pleasedd to know I eventually had an accident and was found out and it's a long story but I lost license a year and

and it was a nightmare and I now carry the lowest libibility only the law allows for several years. I did have higher insurance than some but it seems it wasn't higher than 75 a month..now dropped down to 47.
Also my teaching license expired and in order to renew it I must take aobut 20 credit hours and seeing how I only have about $125 a month or so after bills and some of it goes to groceries, I definitely can't afford college updates. I had my student loans discharged for medical disabilities and if I return to school, I was told that they will reinstate all the student loans. I do not believe one is eligible for additional student loans after they have a degree ..I may be wrong but I definitely can't get one unless I take back on the student loan and I am not willing to do that..especially in view of current disabilities. I will be moving with a few times a day bus route but am on the waiting list and told it will likely be close to 2 years as one bedroom people rarely move

and they don't have many. There are some subsidized housing projects on a bus line but they are dangerous areas and disgusting places. The one I am on the list for is pretty nice. The only way I was able to move here when I was told I had to move to a smaller unit when my sons moved out is because my mom and kids paid for moving van. Moving is not that easy especially when physically limited. You would not believe my life..it was pretty good till about 27 years ago when it took a nosedive..raped twice, the wrecks, recurrant cancer, surgeries, legal and financial problems, marital problems, run over when walking by a car and badly injured, no friends, dysfunctional family (not my kids my birth family), mean mom, severe depression, constant suiicdal ideation, son experienced a tragedy, also he almost died twice, etc.

etc. As soon as I solved problems 3 spin up the next day...everyone is always mad about my awful luck..I used to ask why does God hate me (although I don't bleieve He does I guess, but why this life..I'm not that strong..I am so emotional, but I learned I was a lot stronger than I thought. Luckily things have not been as bad the last couple years. Also when I stoped all the various antidepressants they had me on (14) all suicidal ideation went away despite having gone through a horrific domestic violence and stalking incidence with a nut. I am here buy the grace of God alone. I was suicidal nearly everyday and it was hard to hang on when I felt no hope but I did. Despite having a workaholic husband who was never there and yet made no money (also below poverty line), I reared kids of excellance...my oldest won 2nd highest scholarship of $16,000 to art college out of 500 and so many awards and positive teacher comments I can't count them..

.my youngest good citizen of the year in elementary school 5 years in a row and picked every sept by 5 different teachers as the good citizen of month...and won more awards than anyone in the school..welll liked by peers and I was told the models of the class etc. Productive men never in trouble.. That was my work..I valued that. I reared them so well becuase I always wanted to help people and change the world but I realized I can't change the world, I am not that powerful but one area where I do have a strong influence on is how my kids turn out. I reared them not only for themselves and future wives and children, but with an eye to society for I realized if everyone reared decent, wonderful children, it would change the world..ripples into currents and I made a strong ripple...not everyone has the same temperments, health, environment, chances, opportunities etc.

You can berate me and call me a liar all you want, you can make me cry hard like I am now doing but you cannot take away my self esteem..born from a very nonconfident, negative, inferiority complex into one that truly loves herself because of her character, her heart, her strong efforts, her consideration for peope and all she had done to help others..to give of one's precious time...to give to those in need from your poverty instead of your excess..I am not happy with how my life turned out, but I am not ashamed either. I remmeber making a conscious choice to give up a nice house, and a decent, dependable car, and vacation when I loved traveling to stay home with my children as I believed they and how they turned out made a difference in this worldnd was having right priorities...I was not one on 9-11 who realized my priorities were all out of whack. My decision influenced the course of my life and I am destitute now in part for this choice.

I would have to say that your mom failed at that as someone who talks that cruelly about his own mother who did, I am sure, far more for you than you realize, missed something along the way. I guess it boils down to if you believe in doing unto others, repecting your mom and other people, if making money is your focus or living a life desireous of helping the many in need of love and compassion etc. I would not trade my poverty for riches if I had to be like some of the well to do I see out here.

People like you place all value on working...do you think rearing one's kids in poverty while depriving them of nothing imortant (plenty of books, toys, holiday memories and traditions,good, nutritious, fun food, camping, amusement parks (instate--no money to go out of state),etc was easy. It took great thrift and creativity and resourcefulness and research to do this. It took finding little jobs to do to supplement the $9 a week exhusband gave for food for 4 people, clothes, holidays, paper products, gas, showers, weddings etc. Expected to buy all that on a puny 9 bucks..yeah it was a while back but it was a very small amount compared to others in that decade. I was a miracle worker. It took finding jobs I could take my kids to...it took trudging through 2 foot snow in january and 90 degrees heat in July to deliver phone books, it took hours of stuffing little trinkets in gumball capsules for pennies a day...but I did it.

I overheard my son tell his teenage frineds once, "i had a really good mom--she did a lot for me" When one is out of the work force for as long as I have been first due to full time parenting, then college, then multiple disabilities, one is not that marketable with huge gaps in resume...one is not that confident in interviews..Do I wish I had more confidence, more guts, Yes I do...do I have flaws that harms me...certainly...but I will still stack my life against yours anyday..I do thank you though for softening somewhat at the end of your message to me. You need to forgive your mom--females do nopt think like males but I am sure she has many redeeeming qualities.

You also need to understand that people are born with inherited temperment and most people stays true to who they are. For instance, an emotional person may learn to show less emotion publicly with training but they will still be emotional inside snd in dome instances. A disorganized person can with childhood training become somewhat less disorganized but the mom will not be able, if she is a neatfreak, to remake her child in her image. Who we are generally stays true throughout our lifes although we do grow. People need acceptance of who they are...as people rarely change or can change..not that much usually. The attiutde yo exressed on here towards your mom surely comes through to her. Maybe you could cut people as little slack if they are not like you or do not think like you.

Answer 1

all your car needs is a brake line an bledding the air out of the brakes take you a few houres but it is only a hundred us dollars to fix your car why bother paying more.

Answer 2

if i was u i would get the caddy it is alot better car than the merc and 1200.00 is a steal for that car i would not pass that up as far as the other ? surley u can call someone to give u a ride to look at the car
good luck

Answer 3

First of all, stop exaggerating about your income level. It is insulting to people who actually are below poverty level. You have enough money to own a car, a computer and have internet connection.

Second of all, if you're that broke, a 93 Cadillac isn't the car for you. $1,200 is a good deal for it, but when it needs maintenance, you won't be able to afford it.

It sounds like you rely on your family quite often when it comes to financial issues. It sounds like they might be sick of supporting you.

I don't know your past. Maybe you're broke because you dropped out of school, made poor choices in life, etc.

You sound like a person who makes excuses. You have a way to see the car. There are busses, taxi's, etc that you can use. If your brother said he had a million dollars for you, you'd find a way to get there on your own, that's for sure.

You need to grow up and start supporting yourself.

***Response to you:
OK, you're trying to tell me that no one is looking to hire teachers? Lady, either you live in an extremely small town or you're lying. If you can't find a teaching job, you're not looking hard enough. Go outside your city. Contemplate moving. Do something to survive instead of wallowing in your misery.
20 car accidents and 100 places you looked for work? Either you are severely exaggerating or you're the unluckiest person on earth.
You can't give me that sob story because my mother tried the same thing but refused to make any changes to help herself. She had a choice to look for a different job or say in the same low paying garbage job she's been working at. On top of that, she married a guy who is broker than she is and has a disability on top of that. So she put herself in a worse situation and has to support this numbnuts (who is a moron anyway).
Since she chose to stay at the same job, I don't want to hear her when she starts crying about having no money. She's got great experience, is smart, and lives in NY where people pay $40K/yr for secretaries. But she doesn't want to venture out and find another place to work. So that's her problem, not mine. Then she bought this stupid car when EVERYONE told her it was a dumb move. I am a mechanic and she didn't listen to me because she had her heart set on a particular car and particular year. So, needless to say, the car has a lot of problems and is constantly in the shop. She made her bed, now she has to lie in it.

You wouldn't be able to afford car insurance with a track record like that. 20 accidents? Regardless if it's your fault or not, you are considered a high risk driver and your insurance would be at least $300 a month for liability.
I don't believe one word of your story. You're on here looking for attention. It's obvious because your question really isn't about cars, it's about your cry for attention.

I'm judging the words you put on this screen. You asked for a judgment on your situation in a public forum so I gave one. Sorry it's not the one you want to hear. Don't give me the "don't judge me routine" because I don't fall for that liberal nonsense.

You may not realize it, but my words are probably the most caring words you've heard in a long time. You need to hear the truth of things which people probably don't tell you. That's why it's awesome to get advice from strangers because they don't care about your feelings as much.

I'm sure you're a lovely person and do have a heart of gold. I'm sorry your husband left you. I'm sorry you're in the situation you are. But, the fact is that you are in your situation and need to help yourself. If you're in your 60's, then starting over isn't going to be easy. It's more possible this day and age than it ever was, so that's the good news.

I suggest moving somewere close to public transportation, a good job and maybe even your children or other family members.
If you can get up enough courage to do that, I guarantee you that your life will start changing for the better.

Answer 4

Sounds like a pilot for a dysfunctional family TV show.