I just moved in with my fiace after dating 2 years. the wedding is Jan.24, and now i'm 5 days late. He already said it's not a good time to have a kid, but we never bothered to use protection >.< I'm too scared to take a test for fear that I know I'd have to tell him. I don't think he'll leave me.. It just seems like a hard topic to talk about right now. What should I do?
2006-12-07 20:40:01 · 29 answers · asked by October Sky 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You guys are getting married .... if you're not too sure of his reaction leave it untill after the wedding .... have a great time .... blame you're wedding night on the fore-comming pregnancy (if you even are pregnant) and you can always say that the Docs were a little out in their dates
If it was such a bad time to have children ... he should have taken some responsibility and used protection ... it takes two to Tango .... I'm sure everything will be just fine
Congratulations (on both fore-comming events)
Good Luck
2006-12-07 20:43:57 · answer #1 · answered by deadkelly_1 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
First, congratulations on your up coming wedding!!! Wow you have a lot going on right now, you just moved, your getting married and trying to get all the arrangements made, maybe you are late with your period because of all the stuff going on. Stress comes in many forms both good and bad. Stress is anything outside of your normal realm of reactions. So even wonderful happy stuff is perceive by the body as stress.
Second, if the two of you have never used protection then you both knew the chances of getting pregnant. And for the record, there is no perfect time to have a baby. Life changes month to month, week to week and day to day. How do you know he won't be thrilled?? Maybe he only said that because he is stressed, or nervous or thinks it was want you wanted to hear?
Third, until you know for sure that you are pregnant you can't really do much except worry and have more stress. One way or the other you need to find out if you are having a baby or not. Don't hide it from him at all. Tell him you are late, ask him to go with you to the store to buy the test or to the doctor to have the test done.
Have faith, nature works in mysterious ways...If you two love each other you can handle this and anything else life throws at you.
Good Luck
2006-12-08 05:21:21 · answer #2 · answered by Jane S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take a test and then talk to him regardless of the result. In my experience if a man loves you and wants to marry you and have kids 'some day' then he'll be fine when you say you're pregnant(if indeed you are). I don't think for one minute you'll get the overjoyed film-type reaction but you can always save that for the next one.
I've got four kids, two under 2yrs and two at 7 and there's never a 'good time' to have kids. They don't get any cheaper if you have them later on in life, although I can see where he's coming from.
A child is absolutely going to turn your lives upside down-but in the very best way possible and after about 3 months you'll both be wondering what you did before you had him/her.
Don't start married life on a lie-it really will come back to bite you-and what's the worse case scenario? He freaks out, leaves you and demands a termination? Highly unlikely but best handled without the added hassle of a divorce.
If you love him, trust him, then tell him-if he knows you at all he'll know somethings bothering you anyway.
Good luck.
2006-12-08 05:13:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is it not a good time? You live together and you're about to get married - I can't think of a better time! Do the test and then deal with it. Theres no point worrying yet because you don't know for sure that you're pregnant. Just get the test out the way (you're going to have to do it eventually) and then face up to things. If you fiance was that against having children just now, he'd be using protection. Just because he's said its not an ideal time to have children yet, doesn't mean he doesn't want children with you. I bet he'll be delighted. You both should be delighted. Babies are a blessing!
2006-12-08 06:12:24 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to check, but as someone else said, 5 days isn't a lot especially when you're under the stress of getting married.
Unfortunately hoping you're not pregnant isn't going to change anything, either you are or you're not. I do think it was a bit silly not using protection if you didn't want kids, but no point crying over split -ahem- milk.
Your fiance is probably just as stressed about the wedding which is why he's not communicative. (Doesn't make it right, but it would be understandable.)
I've been married for 22 years, we have two kids (15 and 9) and they really are completely worthwhile. Just remember they aren't possessions, they are people who happen to have small bodies. They don't need lots of prezzies, they do need lots of love and they'll give it back in huge amounts.
2006-12-08 05:08:40 · answer #5 · answered by replybysteve 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The good news: You might not be getting your period because of the stress you are feeling from wondering if you are pregnant. This is why so many woman actually start their periods immediately after taking a pregnancy test.
The bad news: If you are having unprotected sex, then pregnancy is probably going to happen. If it meant that much to him to wait on being a dad, then he should have been a MAN and put on his love glove.
A little more good news: If you are pregnant and he wants to get mad or leave, then at least you found out that this guy is a jerk before you are legally bound to him. It would be way better to get out now.
Maybe after all is said and done, he will be happy to find out he is going to be a papa! We can only hope...
2006-12-08 04:44:35 · answer #6 · answered by bashnick 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're saying you don't want to tell him, but if you are pregnant, eventually he and everyone else will know without you having to tell them. It's now obvious that the best thing to do is find out and put the issue on the table. He may have said that this isn't a good time for a kid, but dealing with the unexpected is a part of marraige. This will be a test of things to come.
2006-12-08 04:46:54 · answer #7 · answered by foreveready 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with getting the doctor to do a proper test.
But have you considered that right now is a stressful time, and that might be putting you off? It often happens. Christmas is stressful, your imminent wedding, the worry about a possible pregnancy, having just moved house ... lots of things can put it off. But get the test done for your own peace of mind, and TAKE CONTROL - use bloody protection, girl!
2006-12-08 04:47:41 · answer #8 · answered by Orla C 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The fact that you are about to marry this man says that you should be open and honest with him. If neither of you are ready for children yet the why aren't you using some form of protection ? As scary as it is doing a pregnancy test, no matter the result there are people in your life you can talk to and will help you through this......... your fiance being the main one I should hope. I don't think he will leave you over this as the saying goes "it takes 2 to tango" he is as much a part of this as you. xx
2006-12-08 04:54:33 · answer #9 · answered by jo_s_82 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, he should also realize that if your are not using any protection there is a possibility of getting pregnant. So you have to get tested and if you are pregnant you should tell him. You can't hide this from him. And I am sure he will understand. If you are not pregnant use protection until both of you decide when to have a child.
2006-12-08 04:50:07 · answer #10 · answered by Sam 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋