I have been married before with three teenage kids and divorced. We love each other very much and are very happy. His job has now taken him to a big city and he flies back and forth, 3 days there and then back for the rest of the week. Now his boss is hinting that he wants him up there permanently. We live in a beautiful small town by the sea, 100 metres from the beach and I have lived here for 20 years. Two of my teenage children live here though not with me. I hate the idea of moving to a worse place, a big city where we know no-one and there is lots of crime. Am I being silly or should I put my foot down and say I don't want to go? He could get demoted by not moving or we would have to live in separate places. What should I do?
2006-12-07 20:15:44 · 22 answers · asked by jaygirl 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I should tell you that this where we would move to is Johannesburg in South Africa! Very dangerous
2006-12-07 20:35:59 · update #1
Also he was unemployed for a while and this job pays really well, jobs like that are not that easy to find here
2006-12-07 20:38:13 · update #2
My advice is , you have 3 teenage children, two have already flown the nest, sooooooooo, leave your third child in your house to look after it for you, and then you can visit anytime you want to. I certainly would not consider selling my home at this point, as that is the only security you have for yourself and your children. I assume your husband is in a bedsit or B&B when he is away working, so you really need to do a lot of planning, to buy or rent a house where he is working. But ............. Sit down and discuss things, it is a big decision for you to make, and if he loves you, he will realise and understand that it is going to be hard for you to move away from your children, and, your home for the last 20 years. I wish you lots of luck and happiness, and hope that you can sort this out amicably.
2006-12-08 03:07:03 · answer #1 · answered by Mark S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you.
You have to sit down and talk openly with each other. Each stating the reasons why you do or don't want to move. Since you are married, you're in it together and for the long haul. Both of you need to be happy with the decision. It is something you will have to LIVE with. Jobs come and go, and if he gets demoted you can move somewhere else, but still be relatively close to your kids - like an hour away!
God bless
2006-12-07 20:47:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how hard this has to be, but think about it in the long term. You need to decide if he is this important, or if the house off the beach is. (I don't mean that to be rude.) If there is truly no way he can pass up this opportunity, then a huge discussion (including the kids) is in order. All voices need to be heard for this to work. Maybe you could move and rent your house for a while... Think about visiting this big city with your whole family and research good areas that are relatively safe. Any city or town has it benefits, so for his sake, try and find those.
2006-12-07 20:21:36 · answer #3 · answered by Rhysie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most important thing is your happiness and your kids.
I also live in a smallish town and I dont think I could handle a big city. It is a BIG change!
And if that change will make you unhappy, then seriously consider putting your foot down.
Your hubby can always get a new job, but he cant always have a loving family with you in it!
So if you feel strongly about it, then make sure he knows about it.
2006-12-07 20:21:58 · answer #4 · answered by adnie25 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really loves you then he should do whats best for the both of you. From the way it sounds you have it better where you are and he should see that and love what he has and take the demotion. After reading some of the other questions I had to ask myself why is it always the women saying they would do what ever for there man and i never here the man say that they would do whatever. You have to ask would he do for you
2006-12-07 20:19:03 · answer #5 · answered by cuddydman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can live reasonably well on the money he gets now,he should refuse the promotion,moving could be a serious threat to your marriage.You would be unhappy, longing to return 'home',& that would inevitably put a strain on your marriage.I think you should tell your husband exactly how you feel,& let him decide whether you,or the promotion is, the most important to him.At least that way you will know where you stand in his list of priorities.Good luck.
2006-12-07 22:40:30 · answer #6 · answered by michael k 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wouldn't trade small town at the see for a big city. especially if your kids will stay in old town. but u have to face the consequences - u will become either poorer, or he will get fired and becomes unemployed (and i presume it is hard to find a good job in a small town) or he will leave u and transfer to the city. so those re the consequences of your "foot down". but maybe life on your own is not that bad? look for yourself what is better - being married and in a big city or single in your town. cos i know for instance my hubby wouldn't trade his job for anything. so some men re like that
2006-12-07 20:24:05 · answer #7 · answered by jacky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Put your foot down...he LOVES you/you LOVE him...he will understand. He probably loves it there just as much as you. Demoting is not such a bad thing considering the toll this move might have on your marriage. It doesn't neccessarily have to split you guys up but it can change your relationship up for the worse and no one is happy when that happens. Don't move.....I wouldn't
2006-12-07 20:19:38 · answer #8 · answered by Lesley C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
" Wherever you go...I shall go...wherever you live...so shall I live...your people...will be my people...and your God...will be my God too". Just an excerpt from the song of Ruth in the bible. If you still remember your marriage vows then maybe it will help you decide on what to do. Stop worrying...why not give it a try first...if you think that you really can not adapt yourself living in a big city then...that's the time for you to have a heart to heart talk with your husband. Good luck!
2006-12-07 20:33:47 · answer #9 · answered by dimma59 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Has he lived in the same place as long as you have? If so. why move to a worse place? I think that "family" is the most important thing. why move from grandparents, aunts, uncles, in fear of getting demoted? Put your foot down!
2006-12-07 20:26:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋