When people get married, do they actually understand the vows they're saying?

Question

I'm not an adult, and my parents aren't divorced, but when I hear/see other people getting divorced, it makes me wonder...

While they're saying the vows, do they realize what they're getting themselves into? Then why do people divorce? If they said [this isn't the exact words] " I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life." Doesn't that mean, no matter what kind of problems we face, I will still love you? I've always thought that the main goal in marriage is to STAY MARRIED, am I wrong?

I understand that marriage is hard, and I know that all marriages aren't perfect. But if they are experiencing problems, for example, if they are arguing does the person ever think: I chose to marry this person, I promised him/her that no matter what, I will stay married to him/her.

Answer 1

That is a good question and I think if more people asked questions like that, maybe just maybe we would see less divorce. There is a long list of reasons why people get divorced, but I think their are 3 main reasons. 1. They get married with wrong expectations, example: to stay madly in love forever, to be happy forever, romance forever (all of this is good, but feelings fade and than marriage needs to have another foundation like: COMMITMENT. 2. people marry for selfish reasons: if he is thinking about himself and she is thinking about herself, than no one is thinking about eachother this will break them up, marriage is about husband loving and caring for wife and wife respecting and loving her husband. 3. PRIDE: there are always going to be disagreements and mistakes in marriage, however, if you don't know how to fight, apologize and forgive, crap accumulates and this breaks up a marriage. BTW, I have been happily married for 9 years. It is possible and may this be your goal.

Answer 2

No you are not wrong people just don't take vows as strongly as say your mom and dad have.. Statisticly it is more the 70% of marriages end in divorce within the first 5 yrs and the sad thing is that a good 50% of those failed marriages have children involved.
People are getting married for the big ring, the big house, 2 incomes and well the whole family thing before they even consider
do I want to spend the rest of my life with this guy or vice versa.
Thats why adultery is probably the leading cause of most divorces because they can't just love that one person they need others. Personally its pathetic if you cannot think of spending your life with the one your with then why even pop the question.
People man and women have to come to grips with reality that marriage is to be a lifelong bond with one person not 2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9, or even 10 different people what they really have to realize is that not to have kids until the marriage is strong enough to stand on its own divorce is hard on kids when are the adults going to figure that out?

Answer 3

The goal of every marriage is to stay married. But people change and sometimes not for the better. Lets say that I went out and killed all my co-workers due to a psychotic break. Would I expect my husband to remain married to me? No, I wouldn't. Sometimes love is not enough to keep a marriage together.

Concerning Vows. I don't remember mine at all. The ceremony is a complete blur. I don't know what I swore to, but I do know if I'm the same decent person I was before the vows then I shouldn't have too much trouble after the vows. (in general)

Marriage is hard work, every day. Worth it, but hard.

Answer 4

You've seen the stats (60-70% divorce rate) and learned some of the "vows". People, fortunately, are simply people. They make mistakes. They make assumptions. They do dumb things. Relationship are the toughest things in the world...look at the relationships between countries, between political parties, between individuals. Look at all the questions on this site. Everybody has relationship problems. Always. Even happily married people have relationship problems. So what can you do? Try your damnedest to understand who it is you're going to marry. Work hard at being honest...with yourself and with your spouse. Try to grow together in the marriage and don't let children, jobs, in-laws or anybody else get between you and your spouse. Be flexible. Be forgiving. Understand yourself and try very hard to understand your spouse. And it probably helps to do a lot of praying. Remember, some marriages actually work, and the partners are very happy. There's no reason you can't do the same. Good luck.

Answer 5

Let's face it, with a 66% divorce rate in this nation, and of those, 20% are admittedly unhappy, marriage is thankfully becoming a thing of the past. Yet millions continue to throw away their dreams and goals, and trap themselves. Why? The answer is quite simple: Money. There are literally BILLIONS to be made off of foolish people. We are all born with the impression that "You are going to be miserable unless you marry someone." This is often said by the parents, whom are either miserable, or divorced themselves, wanting what they think is the best for their children. The media, fueled by dollars, pushes the wife, husband and three kids’ image daily upon everyone using TV, radio, Internet, even respectable newspapers engage in this propaganda. The "marriage industry" has (as I said earlier) billions at stake. The TRUTH is: you are your own person. Marriage is (in this modern day) a defunct, un useful, and in some cases, a brutal way of oppression against ones dreams, desires, wishes, hopes, and free wills.

Answer 6

i don't think you can say that all people don't understand the vows of marriage. you can still love someone and realize that there are irreconcileable differences between you. there is a belief that humans are not in fact truly monogamous and that romantic love is not a very good basis for marriage. relationships are difficult to maintain amidst life and its happenings. marriage is supposed to be two working together as one but there are a lot of hardships that can befall this union. it is my opinion that people dive into marriage because it is what is instilled in us from childhood: that we're to grow up, finish school, get a good job and then get married and raise a family. and we learn early on that loving someone and having that love returned is such a fantastic feeling. maybe a lot of people don't contemplate exactly what the vows mean and they're blinded by the desire to do what they think they're supposed to do. but what if some of us aren't designed this way? what if all of us aren't designed this way and through years of conditioning, we're forced into this facade because society and religion dictate it from a moral to a completely spiritual standpoint?

i think true love exists but i don't have any faith in the institution of marriage. and no one should. what they should have faith in is their ability to love and honor and cherish another human being enough to commit to them. in their lifetime, this could be one or it could be many. love doesn't divide, it multiplies. and everyone should be true to themselves first and foremost.

but you know, people will continue to marry and continue to divorce and continue to cheat and lie and take for granted. why? because some things you just have to learn from experience. freedom can be a dangerous thing.

so do yourself a favor and be true to yourself, know what you want out of life and if you don't, at least give yourself the opportunity to question it and understand it enough before you decide what's best for you.

Answer 7

some people THINK they are going to stay the way they are now and get married quickly with thinking it over and later on realise that this was THEIR special person and the person they want to spend the rest of their life. sometimes people make bad choices and some of their bad choices come to this point of their marriage where they can't stand each other and are forced to divorce. when they say their vows they are not thinking about keeping them but of how much they love them which is actually ''puppy love'' where they think they love someone but they dont because they are trying to blind themselves with saying that they love them but not get that feeling inside that they actually TRULY love them. so all they are thinking when they are saying these vows are that they love them and never want to part because its not really true love. they ARE convincing themselves that it IS. u know?

Answer 8

I don't think anyone can possibly fathom what they are getting themselves into when they say those words. I think marriage is a huge chunk to bite off, and that it's easy to create ideas about what you believe when you know nothing about it. (Not saying that about you, just in general) I had so many ideas about marriage and what I would and would not do when I got married. Once you get in this game, though, you finally realize that it's a lot different than you thought.

Answer 9

I personally believe that people get marry in two manners first I when they realize that they are going to be oldie and second is they found their right 1. I can tell that you should get marry with your best friend (Opp. Sex) or with that person who loves you not you love him/her. If these all are match then any couple can understand their vows after they have got married..

Answer 10

Sometimes dear it's not just "problems" or they were unhappy. Lots of us, my opinion, get divorced when there is no other option left to save ourselves. My divorces are-
1. He brought home another wife candidate from the Navy, we went to counseling but he was SURE he wanted an open marriage of two "wives". I left.
2. This one was a saint for 4 years. Then lost his job & began drinking. He never drank b4. 2 years later he was beating me and then our baby boy. I left.
3. This one is the worst. He was secretive, married to his job, & controlling. Then the double life came out. He was a felon, had lied to me about his past & his 1st divorce, he forged my name to scam $30,000 from Visa, and he has illegal money. I left.

So maybe when you hear folks were "unhappy" or had problems, they were simply keeping the awful details to themselves.