I've known my friend for over 20 years. About three years ago, she split with her husband about the same time I split with mine. We both have daughters about the same age so she and her daughter moved in to help balance out the financial situations for both of us. At the time, she had a decent job and so did I. But soon after she moved in with me, she lost her job, so I was back to the same situation as before, only now I had 4 mouths to feed instead of only 2.
For over a year and a half, she lived on Welfare and bought food for the "family" with her food stamps. When we moved into a bigger house, she once again had a decent paying job and therefore we signed the lease together. Once again, soon after, she lost that job too and "borrowed" money from me to pay her portion of the back rent. I got a "Can you help me pay this, I'll pay you back?" Being her friend, and also needing to keep a roof over my head, I paid about $600 in back rent for her out of my income tax return.
2006-12-07 17:53:27 · 19 answers · asked by grizabellamom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
So, now, she has a fantastic job that pays about twice what mine pays. She has not once even offered to pay back the $600, let alone the about $1500 in bills that I covered while she was out of a job.
I want to kick her out, but unfortunately, she';s now on the lease with me and if she leaves I can afford to pay the bills, but will be in the same boat I'm in now, constantly living paycheck to paycheck.
So the question is: how do I approach her about this?
My thought was to ask to borrow money from her and then use the opportunity to remind her exactly how much she owes me.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
2006-12-07 17:57:26 · update #1
you were there for her when she needed you, and you would think a friend wouldnt have to be reminded. in this case, she does.
1) draw up a list of moneys owed
2) sit down with her (now that she is making good money) and say 'ya know what, you and i have been friends forever... so this is hard for me to bring up, but i have to, because i really need some help'
something to that effect. she should understand. anyone would. continue to be her friend (you guys have soooo much time invested) but reminder her (the day before payday, of course -LOL)and make a payment plan with her.
i am sure she would do the same for you. you have not been friends so long for no reason... you both understand each other and have been there for each other.
look at the bright side; at least its not a man, with a "what you do all day...." your living with now. :)
2006-12-07 18:36:41 · answer #1 · answered by Yvette B yvetteb 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi,You might start by saying, "Well, I now know how YOU must have felt having to ask ME for financial help. I want you to know that when you needed help, I was glad to help, glad because I loved you and your kids. To tell the truth, I wasn't sure how I'd do it but I was determined not to let you down. Well, I guess it's my turn to come to you now. I have got to pay some bills. You see, when you were in a bind, I put you and your kids first and let some of my personal bills take a back seat. Now things are catching up with me and I really need your help. I have not wanted to say anything until you were in a better place so I waited until now. I just have to let you know I am sinking financially. When you and the kids needed the help, I spent about 600 dollars for your part of the bills . If you would just pay me back that 600 dollars, I think I could see the light of day."
You could get a nice card about friendship and put a letter in it if you are not comfortable saying these things face to face.
Remember, you began as friends. You have shared a lot, been through it all together and probably would be the best of friends still if it were not the money. Don't let what brought you two together (financial need) be the thing that drives you apart. . One day you will be glad that you were assertive and addressed the situation rather than seething on the inside, because eventually you'd come to hate her for owing you money and hate yourself for doing nothing.
I'll be praying for you!
2006-12-07 18:29:56 · answer #2 · answered by Blonde Girl 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, if she owes you $600 and your portion of the rent is say $300, just come to her a couple of weeks before rent is due and say "Hey, you know I was thinking about that $600 that I lent you, we could just take it out of what I pay for rent for the next two months. Sound good?" Make her tell you no. Then you have every right to go into the subject a little deeper if she refuses.
2006-12-07 19:22:03 · answer #3 · answered by sunny_tennessee_25 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You both have gone above and beyond the limits with this guy, best friend or not. He has to go! What more does he have to do to you to make a believer out of you? He lies, he steals he uses, he is a bum. You are not going to get a red cent from him out side of small claims court and even then, probably not. Get him out of there and soon. If your fiance will not go along with you it is time to reevaluate your relationship and ask him who comes first..you or this so called friend? Good luck.
2016-03-28 22:56:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It takes courage to ask others for their help and even more to ask for cash.Well it takes that same courage to ask for your money back from this friend.You say you can't afford her to move out but you can afford to live on your own and you've proved it by lending money you haven't retrieved.The money you've given her is money you could have managed better and supported your self with out putting your self in this situation.Now she's on your lease so you are stuck until the lease expires.If she loses her job this time and she will,you will again be stuck.When you get out of this I hope you learned that it's better to be dependent on you than others.Get a smaller place and handle your money so you don't have to be in this again.
2006-12-07 22:48:10 · answer #5 · answered by punkin 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
DON'T give her anymore money. She has/will begin to see you as someone who will bail her out in times of trouble. I hope you haven't signed any loans or shared any accounts together, because your credit may be in danger.
It might be best if you move out with your daughter and try to work things out on your own. She might be in a tougher place, but don't let her drag you with her.
Just explain that you're running low and you need a new start to hopefully break out of your troubles. And that it might be best if she start getting work and setting a monthly payment to help back back the debt.
Good luck.
2006-12-07 17:57:10 · answer #6 · answered by Bookworm 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do what stewie did to Brian in that episode where Brian wouldn't pay it back. No just kidding. Though everything you loaned should be written down. My saying is friends don't let other friends loan or borrow money. Its a great way to ruin a friendship. I think this friend of yours is using your gracefullness.
2006-12-07 17:56:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
That was all very kind of you but unfortunately now the ball is in her court to do the right thing and only she can do that. Apart from court or legal action (which I'm sure you're keen to avoid since you are friends) all you can do is ask her and see where she stands on this.
2006-12-07 17:56:56 · answer #8 · answered by Warm Breeze 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just kiss the $$$ good-bye, nothing you could do now, but I wouldn't never give her $$ again, and I wouldn't even hang out with her, just think of it as a Christian thing you did...I am sure God paid you back, and you got ahead...
2006-12-07 17:59:14 · answer #9 · answered by qdrama1956 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well if she was going to pay you she would have paid you already.but maybe she have forgot she owe you the money. just talk to her and tell her that you need the money she owe you. if she is a true friend she would give it to you. money is one way that will break up a friendship good luck on getting your money back
2006-12-07 17:59:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋